ARRRRRGH!! I can't take it anymore! Table manners rant.

x( I have finally been driven out of the lunchroom at work, and am now forced to eat my lunch in my office. Every single person I work with has the most atrocious table manners I have ever seen. I'm not talking little things either, like boarding house reaching, or picking ones teeth at the table either. I am talking full on gross, nasty habits that cause me to lose my appetite when I observe them.:puke:

What's up with that? Is it upbringing? Is it just plain ignorance of how one looks? Or is it people just don't care? I was raised in a family where table manners were stressed above all. I swear I think I am the last one in the world that thinks like this when I go into our lunchroom.

To clue in the challenged in this regard:

1) Close your mouth when you chew. Please? No one needs to see your back teeth swimming in fresh sour cream and half chewed red meat, and no, that "train wreck" joke wasn't funny when we were 7 years old either.

2) Don't talk with your mouth full. It's absolutely the nastiest thing imaginable, to see chunks of a big mac being shot halfway across the room like it is coming out of a naval battleship cannon. Chew, swallow, take a drink of water, wipe off your mouth, and THEN answer that burning question of who everyone thinks the office suck up is backstabbing today.

3) Napkins. There is a reason that they are supposed to go on your lap, under the table and out of sight. Smeared spittle, and secret sauce mixed together making your napkin look like a rejected Jackson Pollack painting, and sitting on the table a foot away from my plate, is not endearing yourself to anyone.

4)120 decibel nose and mouth breathing. :argh: Please don't shove an entire pork chop into your mouth, and then breathe through your nose so hard that snot bubbles start popping out because it happens to be nine hundred and four degrees. That not just gross, it is down right stupid. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. That poor little piggy gave his life for your lunchtime enjoyment, so the least you can do is savor how good he tastes.

5) Noodle slurping. :wtf: If everyone can hear you in a crowded lunchroom, you are overdoing it. You don't need to slurp them to cool them off. When I see ramen noodles flailing around out of someones mouth, and gatling gunning drops of water into a crowd of people like white house riot police at a peace rally, I get offended.

6) Please. Wipe off your mouths every once in a while. Especially if you have a mustache or any facial hair. I'm not even gonna get into that one.

These are just the ones that gross me personally out. I'm sure there are a whole lot more out there. My problem is, that these are reasonably smart and well educated people. Do the rules of proper etiquette just go out the door in the workplace lunchroom or something? I am having a difficult time believing that they have the same nasty table manners when they are home.

Thanks for letting me get that off of my chest.

/rant

That picture reminds me of when I would feed my son (many moons ago...)

I'm right with you on table manners. I can't stand slurping, chomping, talking with the mouth full, and unfamiliarity with napkins.

Sometimes I need to remind myself of manners, though. I usually eat lunch alone in my office, and I don't always sit down to dinner with my kids. IOW, I eat alone an awful lot of the time, and I have to remind myself not to be disgusting when I'm eating with others.

(sorry for the threadjack!)

and possibly in some other Asian countries as well.

If the people who are slurping noodles are Asian, cut them some slack.

I'm with you on the other points, though.

To make matters worse, poor table manners are virtually glorified by Madison Avenue via advertising featuring milk mustaches and people talking with their mouths full.

:puke:

But that is one of the funniest rants that I've read in awhile.

I do agree with you though.

Thanks for the laugh too.

lick their fingers then grab for the pepper shaker (or any other "common" item). That, I can't stand. I mean, I'd not want to touch it if you just got done deep throating it, what makes this much different?

Personally, I gave up on eating in the lunchroom years ago for the very reasons you mentioned. I stay out now because it always smells like fried chicken (which to me is nasty).

...shoves a hundred different items at the same time in that microwave that hasn't been cleaned in two years. Ours always smells like fish.

I wish folks would learn just how frikkin long one is supposed to cook popcorn for. My last job had daily popcorn charcoaling.

in a six-story building? That was my experience years ago working for a very large corporation that was a virtual United Nations of ethnic groups. It's very hard to describe the combination of odors that emanated from those possibly-never-cleaned, lunch-nuking ovens. :scared:

That annoys the hell out of me more than anything. I hate it when people slurp soup too.

:argh:

in between classes. I come home to do it or park facing the woods. I know it's gross. In that case, maybe I shouldn't force the poor animals of the forest to watch me. Oh well. There is a reason I don't like to eat when I am in a crowd. There are people like you around who I am sure would be totally grossed out. Sorry. I'll try to remember to eat less like a hog and more like a prim proper person. <shamefaced, tail between legs>

I can actually tolerate most of the others. Ewww - sneezing or coughing (especially old guys) is gross, though they probably can't help it.

My biggest - people that think fingertips barely moistened with cold water constitutes hand washing. PLEASE people! ESPECIALLY if you are going to touch anything remotely common to me and my meal!!!!

It's not always their fault. But when there is a constant snot-filled sniff sound, it is extremely annoying.

That said, I have worse table manners than I should. Although I usually change if it is a different situation (resturaunt, in a formal setting, etc....) than just a school cafeteria. However, I will try to improve my manners.

Thanks!

I can't believe the shitty table manners I see in a lot of places. Especially the eating with the mouth open assholes, and the talking with food in mouth assholes.

well-traveled, and well-respected socially and in his field.

Inexplicably, and for no medical reason, he chewed noisily with his mouth open. He also talked with his mouth full, apparently oblivious to the bits of food that flew from his mouth while he did so. That was not his only etiquette failing, but it was the most confounding (and disgusting).