Well I Did A Guest Lecture Last Night. Any Questions?

The topic was: The Control of Kinetics and Dynamics of Continuous or Semi-Continuous Industrial Scale Chemical Process Through The Use of Statistical Modeling.

It took 5 minutes just to recite the title! The whole thing was a little over 90 minutes!

So, you can ask me anything you'd like! That doesn't mean i'll answer
The Professor

Edited because i typed the title wrong.

The Professor

Sorry, i don't speak German.
The Professor

But all together in that sentence, I'm confused.

Oh, a question. When was the last time you played golf? What did you shoot?

I played Sunday and shot 83. But, i was playing in the same wind that you saw if you watched Bears highlights. 35 - 40 mph with gusts to 50. I played the day before and shot 76. That's better. It was windy Saturday too, but not ridiculous.

Yeah, i know. I'm nuts!
The Professor

It magnifies all your errors. My last round was in a team event. We shot 69.

Boy, nobody wants to know about mathematical modeling of chemcial processes. I wonder why that would be.
The Professor

I didn't say any of the answers would be good. I'm being silly since i was up really late because of this.
The Professor

I have to fill in for a colleague's urban planning course tomorrow, and I just know that this is what they're going to ask me. Though I am hoping that after my talk on "What to Do With the Body -- Burial Grounds Through the Ages", they will kind of be in shock and won't be able to come up with any questions.

The Professor

When I was teaching, I always liked to open my lectures with a joke. Especially one that had brazillions in it.

I was introduced by the department head as "One of the country's leading authorities on modeling of complex systems and optimization."

My opening line was "Well, after that intro, i might as well go home. I can only go downhill from here."

Not hilarious, but self-deprecation works well in a serious environment.
The Professor

:wtf:

I would have been asleep too!!

:evilgrin:

The other twenty i spent talking about guitars.
The Professor

:o

You right in front of your computer. If you get lost again, just let me know.
The Professor

:P

or did you just stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night?

Actually the second part is a lie. The univeristy is in the Chicago area, and i just drove home.
The Professor

"The Control of Kinetics and Dynamics of Continuous or Semi-Continuous
Industrial Scale Chemical Process Through the Use of Statistical Modeling" line.

:loveya:

She's almost as odd as i am.
The Professor

:rofl:

Control of Kinetics and Dynamics of Continuous or Semi-Continuous Industrial Scale Chemical Process Through The Use of Statistical Modeling to make money?

So there! Nyah! I got paid for that topic. Unbelievable; isn't it?
The Professor

Okay, I walked right into that one :D :thumbsup:

was any underwear thrown up on stage?

Hey, i played in a band for 25 years and that never happened to me. You think in a room full of math and science geeks that was gonna happen.

Not a chance. Wait! I should say: The probability of that occurance, by anything other than random chance is nearly zero. (Just staying in character.)
The Professor

consider dressing like Elvis...

Just a thought

Ziggy era. I'm not sure i'd want the underwear of someone attracted to Elvis in 2005.

The Professor

Happy now!
The Professor

on 9/4/94 a significant even happened in the NFL. What was it and who did it?

the diagram of vomit that one of your graduate students puked up after a night of binge drinking? Because it's obviously wrong, and has nothing to do with actual mathematics, chemistry, or any real industrial process.

I'm just curious where your "thesis" came from - perhaps the bottom of a cereal box? Or maybe you just watched the patterns of the ceiling fan in your cheap motel as you lay on the floor on a soiled chintz bedcover almost blind and shaking madly from toxic shock in a tequila stupor after three days with one of your female TAs?

Did you pull your main thesis out of your ass, or did you just copy the diagram of vomit that one of your graduate students puked up after a night of binge drinking? Because it's obviously wrong, and has nothing to do with actual mathematics, chemistry, or any real industrial process.

Yes it does.

I'm just curious where your "thesis" came from - perhaps the bottom of a cereal box?

Actually it was near the top.

Or maybe you just watched the patterns of the ceiling fan in your cheap motel as you lay on the floor on a soiled chintz bedcover almost blind and shaking madly from toxic shock in a tequila stupor after three days with one of your female TAs?

First of all, it was my wife, not a female TA, and the bedcovers were neither soiled nor chintz.
The Professor

I've got to go to a wake now. I needed a little lightening up before i left.

Thanks again.
The Professor