Any advice on getting through a midlife crisis?

When you start to reach those milestone ages, you evaluate everything you've done up to this point and wonder if you did everything right, or everything wrong. What if I had made a differerent decision 10 years ago? Chosen a different profession? Married someone else? Moved to a different city? It's kind of a Sliding Doors scenario.

Does anyone think that they've done everything right?

I think one way is to realize that you have no control over many of the events that shape your life, so you can't feel bad about things you can't control. And also that it's important to try to make the best of any situation - that attitude I think make the difference between people who are happy and those who are not.

Still, I know I have a lot of regrets.

I'm still here ain't I.....

Beside that, live in the moment... It's all you really have...

What if I had turned right instead of left?
What if I had lived there instead of here?
What if I had said "yes" instead of "no", or "no" instead of "yes"?

And you are right, there are some things you have no control over, and with some things you make the best of it. But there is one thing I think you left out: we can still make choices, even if we're trippin over midlife milestones!

Regrets? Yes, some, but also lots of things I feel good about too. Lots of things I've done that I am happy about, proud of.

:thumbsup:

I've been going through my midlife crisis for several years now, albeit a bit early. Maybe I just need to get a zippy little sports car and have an affair. ;-)

Love your sig line.

:hug:

And I think you're right. It's ok to have regrets and to wonder about things, but you can't let it rule you. You have to try to accept that you can't change the past, and some things are how they are, now. Make the best of what you've got now, and work on changing the things that you're not happy with that can be changed! (All easier said than done, of course, but it helps to keep the positive attitude in mind!) :hug:

Very good post.

:thumbsup:

It is what it is.

I could have made different choices. Who knows if they would have led to a better place? No point on dwelling on what might have been since what might have been might not have been any better.

Regrets are pointless. We don't get do overs. But if you have regrets, just try not to make the same mistakes again. Only they won't be the same mistakes. They'll be different mistakes with different outcomes. So there.


Mz Pip
:dem:

living.

Then I lost my job and was forced to scramble to find a new way to live.

What started out as a tremendous blow (mostly to my ego and pocketbook) turned into a great blessing, but it was terribly hard at first.

He'd worked at the same job for 27 years, having started a small side business for a little extra income. Around 43 years old, he got cancer, and while he was recovering, he got laid off from his job (thank you Tyco!) So, he took his meager severence package and started working his side business full-time. It was by far the best thing to ever happen to him. He's so much happier now.

can make you think about what you want to do in the future. I discovered a lot of things about myself that I had forgotten and re-incorporated them into what I am now. And that was a very good thing.

I also think midlife can bring a lot of good energy and drive to try to achieve some things you thought you wouldn't get to do, and you think, "well, why not?"

I don't worry about what I did right of wrong, since I made the decision that made sense at the time. And most of them worked out fairly well.

BTW Christiane Northrup's books are pretty cool - even though they are about menopause, they also seem to be about using the changes to improve yourself.

Good luck on your journey.

about getting to the age where I can't have any more kids. I think it's going to be a big regret that I didn't have another.

I have had a little of that, since I just have one kid. :hug:

Kind of wish I had started earlier, but...

had my one and only child at 40 - just in time for my 20 year wedding anniversary. My daughter's now 12 and I'm one of the older middle school moms, but I've learned to enjoy every minute and consider my later-in-life career as a parent the most fulfilling and rewarding.

If someone had told happily childless me at 30 that at 40 I'd become a mom, I would have asked for some of what he or she was smoking.

I think the important thing in life is to make the best of your situation, but also not to be afraid of change and new experiences.

A woman in a book club I belong to attended her 40th high school reunion recently. She was newly divorced after living in a loveless marriage for years, and had to force herself to go to the event. At the reunion she reconnected with an old boyfriend who had secretly kept the flame burning for her for 40 years. They hit it off immediately and are getting married next year. I love that story because it illustrates that as long as we're open to the possibility, there are second acts in life. Don't dwell on the past. Live in the present and anticipate the future.

is a stupid idea. Who the fuck invented these hideous terms?

Still, I know what you mean about feeling as if you've done everything wrong. We all make mistakes, but I've made some HUGE ones. The only thing that's comforting me is the thought that it's unlikely I'm going to make them again. Uh, this post probably isn't helping you. Sorry.

Life is hard to plan.

You are just reflecting on the past.

works for me and at this rate i`ll be dead before my mid life meltdown

Everything came out all right in the end.