So now I am the big Bitch in the family...(family rant)

I can't believe I am STILL pissed from Thanksgiving!
My SIL (husband's sister) shows up with her HER UN-HOUSETRAINED DOG, and her two kids, one of whom has been throwing up all morning. She comes in the house, sends the kid up to my daughter's room to lie down (unbeknownst to me). I thought she didn't bring her. I asked her where her daughter is and she tells me she's sick. I say "Who's staying with her?" and she says "She's upstairs lying down." So I say "Well it was thoughtful of you to bring her and expose us all to what she has."-and she laughs! She actually laughs! I say to her "I'm serious" and she gives me a pained look and says "Whatever." and walks away.
Two hours later she hasn't checked on her child once. I say "Aren't you going to check on her?" and she says "She's fine." and continues eating.
I go up and check on the kid and guess what? She's not fine. She's in the bathroom bent over the toilet heaving away. There's a puddle on the floor in the doorway of the bathroom where she didn't make it.
I holler "She's throwing up" and no mother. I wait..No mother. The kid is crying, and feeling rotten, so I get her cleaned up and lying back down. Then I clean up the bathroom and the mess on the floor.
I go downstairs and my lazy-assed SIL is still sitting there like nothing happened. My husband is cleaning up the floor where the dog has pissed. I give him "the look" (which in this case means,'you'd better say something or I WILL')and he just says "I know, I know".
I hear my husband's niece upstairs calling her mom-no movement. I say to my SIL "She's calling you"-nothing.
I go upstairs again to attend to that poor kid. She's got the dry heaves. My husband comes upstairs to see what's going on. The whole time this kid is heaving and crying "I want my mom". My husband hollers down to her "She wants you now"-Nothing.
I go to the landing and scream at her" Get your fat ass up here now and take care of your kid!"
She get's all huffy and stomps around "that's it! We're leaving!" and I tell her "Good!" They leave (Thank God)
So then she's spent the weekend calling all the relatives telling them I KICKED HER OUT of the house on Thanksgiving and what a total bitch I was. (God I wish I HAD kicked her out.)Fuck her. Now we've spent the rest of the weekend heaving our guts out-all five of us, and to top things off, after she left I discovered her dog crapped behind my couch. AAAAARGH!
So at what point should I ACTUALLY have kicked her out? :rant:

I had the Thanksgiving from hell too (Maybe I'll post about it later when I feel more like rehashing the whole thing) so I can relate. Just be glad that it's over!

And the mood I'm in I would have kicked her out before she ever got there...

Sorry you had a lousy Thanksgiving too. I'm still fuming over it.

So now you all have the flu? Nice. Your sister in law sounds like a pile of what her damn dog left under the couch.

My oldest two got it Friday. Friday night my six year old got it, and my husband started in this morning. I should save everything we're heaving up and mail it to her.
Who in their right mind would drag a sick child around like that? Oh my GOD and it was sooo windy and cold on Thursday-and still dragged her sick kid out in that. Selfish witch. Who cares about the kid when there is a free meal to be had. :mad:

and later, when the kid was puking and the parents did nothing.

I think that too many times, family members just assume that everyone wants their kids around, no matter what. And some people seem to think that just because they're with family, it means they can take the day off from parenting.

I've already had to draw the line with my brother. If his kids get in trouble, I take it directly to him. It's not my job to babysit while he's resting... and just because I don't have kids, and happen to love this kids ferociously, doesn't mean I'm going to play the role of surrogate mommy. I confront him directly, quietly, and tell him that daddy needs to deal with a problem.

Cats are much easier to deal with... and they can be left at home with little, if no problem.

in one succinct statement.

"And some people seem to think that just because they're with family, it means they can take the day off from parenting."

This particular trait among my inlaws has caused more conflict between my wife and I than all other issues combined.

I love those kids, as if they were my own. But the point is, they're NOT my own. They're his responsibility.

Having children is a serious decision... and you don't get to take a day off, even if it is a holiday. (Same with the dog.) So you're a parent - deal with it, and do your job.

My lovely wife, bless her heart, loses all her backbone when her neglectful siblings pop in with their sugar-buzzed kids. She regains it when it's time to argue with me about it after the fact.

I've found that often, people take advantage of childless couples or single relatives, presuming falsely that we'd be more than happy to take over for them.

But Ann Landers used to say "people can't take advantage of you, unless you let them." Wise woman.

Of course, you could always tell your wife that you're no longer going to participate in surrogate parenting. If she chooses to intervene, let her, but do nothing at all yourself. If anything, she may learn (by your example) that you don't HAVE to respond.

And like you, we love our nephews and nieces all to pieces.

I like the idea behind your suggestion - except that there have been times that if I hadn't stepped in, these li'l sweethearts would have broken things expensive to repair/replace. While their parents sit on their asses and tune it out.

So "not responding" isn't always an option.

and IMMEDIATELY get in my brother's face. If he sits on his ass, then I'll scream at him... and then I don't care if his kids hear me or not.

Brothers are trainable. But they'll test your limits every time. (oddly enough, just like the kids do)

because the last thing you want to do (on a holiday least of all) is start a big family fight, but dammit! Sometimes they back you into a corner. And Rev. Cheesehead is 100% right..Holiday or no, take care of your own kids dammit!
Sorry you have to go through that on the holidays mac56.

Didn't mean to hijack your thread. You definitely got the worst of it this Thanksgiving (literally and figuratively).

Just know that there are quite a few of us in your corner.

of you (and us) that way. I can't imagine just turning my kids loose in someone's house.
Maybe you could borrow my SIL's dog and go to their homes for a day? LOL.

I cringed the second I saw it. As long as my husband and I have been married (18 years now) his sister has NEVER had a dog that's been housetrained and I know her house is infested with fleas.
But you are right...family members seem to assume you want them there under ANY circumstances.

You could also write up an invoice for 2 hours of babysitting, pain and suffering from getting the flu, doctors visits, etc...
And, if so inclined, include it in the family Christmas card this year. :evilgrin:

Even if you never do this, it can be relaxing just to plot your revenge.

That's a great idea!

Oh it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside just to think about it!:evilgrin:

while that could be a bad thing in some families, that's the way it's always been, and we were raised that if our aunt, uncle, older cousin told us to do something, we did it as if our mom and dad told us. When I was a kid I had to mind them, and now I purposely go play with my eight, nine, ten year old cousins because they're fun and because I know their grandparents and parents aren't going to pay any attention to them. One of them got hurt out at the farm once. I won't let that happen again. Everyone takes care of everyone else, but no one expects it. All families are different.
Duckie

Sounds like you're well rid of her!

At least until Christmas-that is if we don't make plans to leave town!

Call all the same relatives and tell them you did indeed kick her out. Then tell them why.

People are much more forgiving of bitchiness than they are of negligent parenting.

he was at the store stocking up on 7-up and chicken soup etc..
and his Uncle mentioned she had called. My husband filled him in on what had happened-and he wasn't shocked.

I think you can safely assume that most of the relatives she called and complained to have gone through similar nightmare scenarios with this broad themselves--very likely they hung up the phone and observed, "Oh, it was just SIL bitching again..." or something like that.

Anyway, kudos to you--sorry your holiday was such a nightmare, though. I personally have never been able to tolerate my SIL's fat-mouth philistine husband for long, except that he's kind of a sad figure. Come to that, I'm not all that crazy about SIL either, although she's just sort of harmlessly self-absorbed.

I have 2 well mannered, house trained dogs and would never bring them to someone else's house without asking. How rude. And it's no wonder the dog's not trained, I can't imagine she devotes any more time to the dog than her child.

Hope your clan is feeling better. :hug:

VERY RUDE INDEED!
She seems to have this idea that since it's a holiday that she's "on break" and shouldn't have to be responsible for anything.
I felt so bad for her daughter though. Poor thing was soooo sick, and trust me, I know EXACTLY how she felt-we ALL do.

That would have been the end of my patience.

Sorry you had such a rough day and weekend. Your SIL is a real piece of work!

:hug:

Yep. She is. And you're right, I should have let her have it the second I saw the dog.

but what about the child? Sounds to me like your SIL is guilty of child abuse. If she ignores a sick child in a time of crisis, what is the care like during a normal day?

And surely all of the other relatives must have her number by now, so I wouldn't worry too much about her whiney phone calls. Maybe she will remain mad, and then you won't have to worry about any more rude visits from her.

I posted upthread that it was really cold and windy here on Thursday and she brought her kid out in that. Who the heck in their right mind drags a sick child out in freezing cold like that?

The kid could have been dangerously sick. Start a counter offensive by asking family members if there are other signs of abuse.

Those skeletons may come tumbling out.

I can't imagine not being there for my daughters.

Not a repug, is she?

in fact she is about as apolitical as they come.
I've posted before about her, I think she is certainly abusive. This is the same SIL who lets her kids eat as much of whatever kind of crap they want. Her daughter is morbidly obese (she's 11 and weighs over 200 lbs), and actually takes medication for high blood pressure. Family services (at least in this state) won't step in because they do not consider this to be abuse. I don't understand it..if she were starving the child they would step in, but let her endanger the child through gluttony, and they do nothing. It's sad.

I am SOOO sorry for your shitty weekend.

If it makes you feel better, my raving bitch of a mom came up, bringing her ankle biting mutt with her, and that dog pissed on MY carpet twice too.

I didn't get flu out of the deal however.

What a crappy holiday. I would definitely mail her a bunch of the barf in a Tupperware container. But that's just me.

fsc

My SIL is a Tupperware consultant. LOL Oh the IRONY.

So sorry about your crappy weekend too.
Family sucks sometimes, don't they?

:crazy:

and it appears it has come to that. I certainly don't want a repeat of this at Christmas.

Why the hell should you subject yourself to this every holiday? Give yourselves a break!

to another brother's house and he (the dog, not the brother) proceeded to piss on the wrapped presents under the tree! He actually is a nice dog but a dumb Irish setter. (You have to get the brains separately.)

And the damn dog stinks! Even when they're bathed on a regular basis, dogs still stink. I think the owner's don't smell it anymore because they're around them all the time.

The dog pissed all over the presents? Clearly the dog was protesting the widespread commercialism that Christmas has come to represent! (LOL)

You're right though, dogs smell. Even the clean ones. We have a dachshund and we bathe her twice a week and she still stinks. I don't recall ever being around a dog that DIDN't stink. I know not everyone agrees that doggy smell is unpleasant, but it is to me.

Try and concentrate on the fact that you are a good and decent person for caring so much for that poor baby. :hug:

I have a Sister in Law much the same as yours... and I feel your pain. Odds are the relatives have been on your end of the bargain as well and will see through her shit...even though they may not tell her off for sake of keeping the peace, as so often happens with my family.

There's a special spot for wonderful aunties like you.

:pals:

:pals:

I still can't believe she would drag her sick child out like that.

That some people will do anything, including endangering their own child, not to mention you and yours...for a "good time", really pisses me off.

she put her kid through that all for the sake of a free meal. What a wretch.

...and sending it to her with a thank you note. What a bitch. Sorry you had to deal with that.

We have a real messed up side of our family that we used to spend every Thanksgiving with (the great side lives too far away). Every single holiday was ruined and would always deteriorate into an argument that focused on why my mother was the devil (read: an extremely intelligent, beautiful, "furriner" that was 50 times the mother of the other 2 jealous asshats that hated her). About 10 years or so ago my father gave up on trying to have a relationship with them. Now we spend our holidays with immediate family and close friends. If we ever argue on a Holiday it's because it's a good valid point that needed to be made from one person who deeply loves the other. No screaming, no name calling, no talking down to anyone - just a disagreement that needed to be discussed between two people who actually have genuine respect for each other. It's great and nobody leaves mad - my mom won't serve desert until everyone makes up (and if you've ever tasted her cooking you'd understand what a powerful motivating force that can be).

Anyway, hope you work something out and never have to deal with that again.

Nice touch. Sounds like you were able to cut ties with the poisonous members of your family successfully.That's the point where we are at. My MIL-bless her- is a wonderful woman and I don't know how she could have brought forth two children so different from one another. My husband is sweet and loving and a man of complete integrity while his sister is like something pulled from Satan's armpit. The Holidays would be perfect if we could manage to have them without her-very much like you describe!

She had NO BUSINESS dragging her sick child out of her home.

}(

Never mind the infectious part of it...we'll just set that aside for a second. Why would you drag your sick kid to visit relatives? The kid feels like shit and wants to be in her own bed.STAY HOME AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KID! Now my kids are sick too and it could have been avoided if she had an OUNCE of decency.
The really f'ed up part is I know she's telling her daughter that "we don't want her around". That's the kind of crap my SIL pulls.

I have a big mouth, and the first thing out of it would have been "You need to go home and take care of your kid. How fucking selfish are you anyway?" and then I would have proceeded to hand her her dog.
Duckie

damn, now that's a thanksgiving from hell. *huggles*

hey, remember there's a corollary to that saying, "blood's thicker than water," and it's, "but it ain't *that* thick..." i'm perfectly fine dumping some family -- or 'doing some much needed pruning to the family tree'; life's too short to deal with that shit. and if anyone here has a problem with that, you can blow it out your ass and be thankful we ain't related.
:evilgrin:

as far as i'm concerned, you're a saint! O8)

been asked to leave. Anyone with so little respect for an ill child (and by extension your family) should not be welcome.

...and unbelievably inconsiderate....


Family gatherings can be so much fun!... :sarcasm: