It's been a very, very long day

Anyone know any jokes? Funny websites?

Oh, and if the bazillion joke comes up, I'll put you on ignore! :evilgrin:

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

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In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
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On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

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On another Septic Tank Truck:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
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At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
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On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
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On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
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On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
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On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
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At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
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On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
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In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
action"
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On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
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At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right
place."
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On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
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On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
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At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
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At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
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In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

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At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
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And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak"

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello".

"Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.

"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blond woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blond enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blond.

She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, alone"

The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully, for the last time, I said:

BRING POSSE !

I need to smile!

:)

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Colleseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematicians."

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"

I'm greek. I don't much like that one. :rofl:

By the way, I'm a closet Mac addict. My finance background requires that I use a PC, but when my daughter graduated from HS, I got her an iBook. :)

I only use Macs at home, but I have to use a PC at work, too. I'm in the electronic discovery business.

I've got an iMac G4 and an iBook G4 at home. I've had Macs since my first one, an SE/30.

It's the new brazillion:

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=14019

Unbelievable! Good thing I don't have epilepsy...

in this case, it's appropriate!

www.ilovebacon.com for funny pictures
and
www.tomatonation.com for funny articles she writes. I didn't much like the most recent one, but the one before that about the cats cracked me up!