Stranger's death that affected you most?

I tried to think of someone to post in the celebrity death thread, and I really couldn't think of anyone. Sure, some deaths have shocked or saddened me, but nothing really jumped out.

But there have been people I've never met whose deaths have affected me deeply. I'd like to introduce you to one of them.

http://danielchampion.com/

I "met" Dan on a now-defunct site called Iron Blog. I was an occasional judge there, and he was an occasional competitor, later promoted to Iron Blogger Republican. Yep, Republican.

He wasn't the scary Republican type, though -- he was pretty socially liberal. Fiscally conservative. He was a Baptist pastor. And he was my favorite competitor to judge -- not necessarily because I agreed with him, but because he played the game well.

I followed Dan to his own blog (Popping Culture; linked above). It was, as the title suggests, a pop-culture blog -- Harry Potter, bad movies, Christmas shopping. A lot of fun. He had contests. I was a "Culture Maven" with many points.

As a teenager, he survived cancer. In his 30s, it came back. Over the last year, his blog became less about pop culture, and more about cancer.

Cancer is a jerk, he said. He was brutally honest and didn't try to put a happy face on things, but from his writing it was clear he was a man of deep conscience. He wasn't bitter, nor did he ask "why me?" Some of his better sermons came from that place.

He lost his battle in August. Here's the post (from Stephanie, Dan's widow):

http://www.danielchampion.com/archives/2005/08/index.html#a001392

I read that post after a long weekend away, and although it wasn't a surprise (he'd been fighting for awhile), it was shocking.

I think I can safely say that's the first time I've ever cried over someone I've never met.

It's a sad, but beautiful story. I suggest taking the time to go over his cancer writings.

The world was a better place with Big Dan (yes, Champion was his real last name), and is worse without him.

Who would you say is the stranger whose death affected you the most?

:cry:

Phil Hartman's death really bothered me and still does. He was so talented, and for him to die by being shot by his wife ... leaving two young kids ... well ... it just was hard to take.

I've said most of this before, but I'll say it again.

When I was 17, I was brutally raped. But I totally lucked out and a very brave man rescued me. And Ididn't realize until later that I wasn't dealing with a rapist, but rather a serial killer.

I did not go to the police. I did not report it. I could not have adequately described the man who did it - or at least I hope that's a true statement.

Several years later, I was living in the same city and often had to walk past the place it happened. Which was tough, but, well, I could do it. Until one day, I did and the police were going through the dumpster in the alley. There was a cut off foot there by the dumpster. Just.... there.

The cops never found the entire body. But I knew from the first moment that the man who raped me had done this. And I was right. After what he did to me, he raped and killed twelve other young men. That we know of.

And I think of that foot just lying there... and feel responsible. If I had done something, said something, maybe that unidentified young man and eleven others might still be alive.

So it hit me hard, very hard. I'll never know who that young man was or what he suffered. But, I know in my heart, that I am partially responsible for his death. But I was too much of a fucking coward to come forward.

So, that was the death of a stranger that hit me hardest.


Khash.

:hug:

(And there was absolutely nothing you could have done, so please don't do that to yourself.)

Maybe there wasn't anything I could do. But we'll never know that for sure, will we? The main point is I didn't even try. I was traumatized, in shock, humiliated at what had happened and felt responsible for what had been done to me.

But in the cold hard light of day - those just seem like excuses. Maybe this is just the stereotypical rape victim blaming themselves. But I do feel if I had done things differently, things would have turned out differently.


Khash

Omg... khashka... i can't believe that you live with that kind of guilt. We can always find ways to make ourselves to blame for things... to reinvent our past... to play "what ifs" forever in our heads... but it doesn't change that YOU are not the one that hurt anyone... YOU were the one who WAS hurt. Damn... all I can say is that I am very, very glad you survived, because you seem to be a wonderfully compassionate and caring person. You need to let go of that guilt. :hug:

:hug:


And, you weren't a 'fucking coward', you were a kid. Give yourself a break.

:hug:

The combination of terror and guilt must be unimaginable! :(

:hug:

I have a strange story to tell as well. One of my friends (back when I was in my early 20s) tried to set me up with one of her boyfriend's friends. We went out on a double date, but the man basically gave me the creeps, so I never dated him again. About a year later, apparently he had gotten involved with a young woman, and moved in with her. They found her stabbed numerous times and the house was torched to hide the evidence. He is currently serving a life sentence in the Minnesota Penal system.

:hug:

What is, is. We all have our horror stories to tell - every single one of us. And we live with those horror stories and live to triumph over them.

And while I am infinitely grateful for your sincere compassion - it's only a small part of my life, not the entirety. On a day to day basis, I rarely think of it. But the guilt I will carry to my grave, no matter what anyone says. So let's enjoy life rather than wallow in death, OK?

Khash.

Just had to say that. No wallowing. :)

But I don't think that you should ever feel responsible what happened afterwards, and don't get me wrong as I don't mean this in a shallow way. Do not think of yourself as a coward - we all had many opportunities (not as strong ad this one) where we later thought that something we could have done would have changed it, but it didn't, and history took its own place above us.

My sister had this boyfriend once, and ended the relationship because he was just too 'creepy' and strange. She went on with her life after him. A couple of years later, this guy shot his new girlfriend and then killed himself.

I would, in the end, only hold him responsible for his actions. And so would I in your case hold the murderer responsible for his actions, and never you.

I hope this makes sense, sometimes I do lack to express my thoughts in English.

when a woman in the town I lived in was crushed to death when a giant roll of paper fell on her at her workplace, a printer for a major publishing company. There was a stack of them that accidently got knocked over when she was walking by them. I'd never met her, but my neighbor was friends with her. She had young kids :(. That was the first person I thought of when I read this thread.

I still have a hard time believing we lost Andy.

I had no idea who he was. I just happened to be the first person on the scene after he was shot. The cops showed up later. I stood there and watched him die. It happened really fast, but I will never forget the look on his face as his life drained away. I never found out who he was, but watching his death has affected me ever since.

Girl who was kidnapped, raped and murdered in the mid-90's in the Bay Area. I wasn't much older than she was, but the person who did it was SO morally reprehensible... and it was such an awful way to die. :(

I was there at the time. It was totally unbelievably heartbreaking. Her grandfather on TV every night. Her stepfather (stepfathers usually get a bad rap - not him though) who worked so tirelessly.

Common sense would tell you that in such a case, after a certain period of time, she must be dead. But common sense wasn't good enough. We wanted her back and alive and healthy.

That was a really difficult case to handle emotionally.

Khash.

the lady from "Gorilla's in the Mist" The way she lived her life, and the way she died. At the time, I remember it had an impact on me.

How about "for every reason"? She devoted her life to her gorrilas and helping us to understand them and was brutally murdered. That should absolutely hurt and have an impact.


I'm not being snarky, just don't minimize it - that her death hurt you at the time shows you have a soul.


Khash.

Paul Wellstone was a man of deep integrity, profound intellect and a passionate commitment to liberalism and social justice and he was the one person who provided me with a reason for hope and optimism against the gloom and despair of the Bush Administration. His tragic and premature death devastated me

Peter Nugent was a conservative MP in the Australian Parliament. But he placed a strong emphasis on social justice, tolerance and compassion. A former Shadow Minister for Aboriginal Affairs, Nugent was a profoundly intellectual and visionary politician who genuinely wanted to make life better for the poor and underprivileged in society. He was never given a position in the Howard government essentially because he was too progressive and forward-thinking in his ideology and he antagonized Prime Minister Howard several times through his outspoken and passionate opposition to racism and his fiercely principled determination to stand up for better treatment for indigenous people even if it came at the expense of opposing his own party’s policy. He would have made a great cabinet minister if given the opportunity and his death deprived Australia of a leading voice for social justice and racial equality. He was essentially the Australian equivalent of Republicans such as Mark Hatfield or Lowell Weicker or Nelson Rockefeller or John Chafee –an enlightened voice for progressive conservatism. Despite the fact that I was in the opposition party to him, I never doubted the sincerity in his compassion and commitment to social justice and he was one of the people whom I consider to have been a role model and a profound inspiration in my life. Australia was a better place for having had him in politics and the world would be a better place if we had more like him

although, in a sense, they were my neighbors, though I "voluntarily evacuated" from N.O. nearly fifteen years ago.

:(