Now that Snow Skiing season is here, the "Skiers Code of Conduct"

With supplements to make it a fun and enjoyable season for all.

The original code, as seen at most ski areas:

1) Always stay in control and be able to stop or avoid other people or objects

2) People ahead of you have the right of way. It is your responsibility to avoid them

3) You must not stop where you obstruct a trail, or are not visible from above

4) Whenever starting downhill look uphill and yield to other skiers

5) Always use devices to prevent runaway equipment

6) Observe all posted signs and warnings. Keep off closed trails and out of closed areas

7) Prior to using any lift, you must have the knowledge and ability to load, ride and unload safely

My version:

1) Always ski just above your ability to control yourself. Skiing conservatively is for wimps. EMT personnel need to stay busy in order to hone their skills.

2) People ahead and downhill of you are simply in the way. Shout and/or scream loudly as you hurtle yourself toward the lodge. Don't worry at all about the train of toddlers being led across the fall line ahead of you. If you hit them, they'll be fine. Their moms bundled them up fluffier than the Michelin Man.

3) Always take a rest in the center of a trail crossroads or just below the lip of a slope increase. Part of the fun of your ski outing is the sounds others make when they happen on you at 30 miles per hour and wipe out trying to avoid hitting you. This often results in a "Yard Sale" type wreck where every article of ski equipment is ripped from the crashing skier, making an opportunity to replace those old, bent poles of yours.

4) Whenever starting out, use the techniques described in rule 2.

5) Disable the devices meant to prevent runaway skis. There is nothing funnier than watching a dopey nimrod like yourself run down hill with one ski in hand, chasing the other that by this time is in the next county.

6) "Area Closed" signs are not meant for you. Ski anywhere you want and if you get hurt or caught in an avalanche the Ski patrol will happily come and rescue you at the cost of up to tens of thousands of dollars.

7) Before using chairlifts, read and then promptly forget the tips on how to load. There is nothing funnier than watching some idiot fall off the lift on loading or unloading, causing the lift to be shut down while they scrape you up all the while listening to calls of "ROOKIE!" from as far away as the top of the lift.

...We say, "thank you for your business." ;)

and i know what pain feels like.


I don't like it.