a photo of my mother, on the 31st anniversary of her death

If I'm estimating correctly, this was taken around 1970. My mother would've been not quite thirty; I would've been about seven.

She was a supremely unhappy woman, and she ended her life at age 33. (No need to express sympathy. 30 years later, it's all good.)

I like to look at this picture because it's exactly how I remember her. Believe it or not, she is smiling in this photo. I know because I have the same smile. I feel myself smiling when a photo is taken, then I see the photo and realize that most folks do not see a smile.

Sometimes I miss her. I wish she could see me now. If she could, and she hadn't changed, she'd be pissed that she couldn't control me. "If mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy" was the de facto motto around our house. In her extremes, she was worse than the God Warrior from "Trading Wives" or whatever the hell that POS show is called. She never invoked God, though; her rage WAS God, and we all paid the wages of whatever sin she imagined.

I want desperately to learn what went into making her who she was, but my aunts won't talk to me.

Today, the anniversary, my sisters decorate their houses for Christmas. That is the bittersweet, laughing tradition. I'll call them later and we'll chat happily and laugh.

Laughter is the mark of us tough women. We are survivors, despite the legacy this unhappy woman would have us bear.

away from her burdens.

when I am long past crying. :hug:

but then some tears are good tears. I have a few of those myself.

Thank you.

for another glimpse into your life K! You are one heck of a strong woman. You and your sisters are amazing people. If I had another sister, I'd want her to be just like you!

May your mother Rest in Peace and may you continue to live in happiness and love.

:hug:

kesha

sometimes i feel like a fucking Triumph, and sometimes i feel her legacy creeping up on me. Most times I feel loved, and that's all I need. :hug:

Your story of your mother reminds me of my stepdad so much. The rage, the unsimiling smile, the eventual suicide, it all seems very familiar. :hug:

Is one of those kids you?

smiling the un-smiling smile ;)

:hug: small world.

:hug:

:hug: (and here's to your windows :toast:)

but when I saw the title the first thing that came to my mind was, "ewww, she took a pic of a 31-year-old corpse?"

Ok, you can :spank: me now.

:rofl: I knew someone would jump on that, and I thought, "it'll be either JC or Richardo."

:spank: :spank: :spank:

:hi: JC - happy Christmas! How do you greet folks for Christmas in Brazil?

Feliz Natal - Merry Christmas
Feliz Ano Novo - Happy New Year

and...

Boas Festas - Happy Holidays (which has been on greeting cards here since FOREVER. Ha!)

Would I do that?

Best to you and your sisters, bertha... :hug:

(Your description of the photo is great.)

:hug: The hardships in your life have obviously made you a better person. I've rarely met a kinder or more compassionate person than you.

:loveya:

You're the one on the couch on the far left aren't you... awfully cute, all of you.

:loveya:

Sigh.

You are indeed a remarkable woman. :hug:

far more remarkable women :hug:

mentally anyway, Bertha. :hug:

We all deserve to feel loved. :hug:

:hug:

I am sad at times that I was never blessed with a sister...

RL

You are one of my little group of "stealth DUers." I usually follow your threads, even if I don't post in them. :blush:

that hasnt been laid out here already
but i thank you for sharing this

you have been such a loving presence here fighting for justice and sharing the truth that is life
and i cant know a thing about your mother or the pain and joy that each one of you had in your lives but whatever it was it has brought you here so for that we are all grateful


hugs to you both at this bittersweet time

a lovely reply, thank you so much :hug:

Her grave is unmarked, in a Catholic cemetery in Huntington Beach. I don't know why her grave is unmarked or why she was buried in a Catholic cemetery. She wasn't Catholic. I suspect the reason her grave is unmarked is because my stepfather had to borrow or steal to get her buried. Probably my grandmother (paternal) paid for the burial.

I tell her about her grandchildren, and about how I overcame how she and her choices completely fucked me up until I got help. I tell her she's forgiven. I wonder: if she could hear me, would she react to that the way my father does? How would she react? I'll never know.

It's a cliche to get introspective like this on anniversaries, but who cares? That's me.

I haven't gone to her grave in about eight years.

..you are a strong woman, and a good and caring person. This I know...many are grateful to her for your presence. :hi:

We had a completely different experience for completely different reasons, but so similar in many ways. It was not my mother's choices, but my father's that fucked me up then... I completely understand what you mean. Forgiveness is a cathartic thing ... more for the one forgiving than the one forgiven. My father and I have a loving relationship now that I never dreamed could be possible. And my mother is at peace... as I hope yours is. :hug:

Knowing what you've been through in your past makes me appreciate even more what an amazing person you are. I am so thrilled to have you in my life, as a friend.

:hug:

You and your sisters are in my thoughts today. :loveya:

the Christmas Season stirs up many memories of those we have lost in our lives. It is especially sad when the anniversary date is so close to Christmas itself. In a month, my mother will have left this planet 19 years ago. My sister left 4 years ago. I miss them both terribly. Life isn't/hasn't been the same.


:hug:

And sending hugs, thoughts, prayers and condolences to you and your family on this anniversary. I'm so sorry that you've had to endure all this and it's a testament to your strength of character that you are the wonderful person that you are now :hug: :hug:

You are a strong woman, all the better for it. Obviously, the way your mother treated you and your sisters have made all of you (I'm guessing on your sisters) stronger and better people.

I didn't know anything about your family life, it's your business but I'm glad you shared, but I can now tell that your childhood helped shaped who you are today.

And today, you are a wonderful, caring, thoughout, beautiful human being. You are one of DU's finest.

I hope you and your sisters had a day filled with laughter and decorating! You earned it! :hug: :pals: :hi: :yourock:

Families sometimes bend over backwards to avoid dealing with painful realities. It's good for you to honor your mother's memory, and it's also the right thing to do to try to learn more about what made her tick.

Wishing you well on your journey...