Kinda depressed, and would appreciate some comforting words...

Sitting here because I drank coffee right after taking a 4-hour nap-haven't slept all night-and I'm just musing on some of the big depressing issues in my life.

First and foremost, I wish I'd moved in with my dad when I was about 14, rather than shortly before I turned 16. I stayed with my mom, and that worked out real well. More constant fighting over stupid, petty little things because we can't peacefully coexist for more than a few hours, never mind days or years. Having my clothes fucking STINK because my mother was too goddamn cheap to spend any money on air fresheners when we had three cats and she never did anything to clean up the fucking mildew everywhere. Barely getting to develop any social skills because the only thing my mom would ever let me do was go wargame once a week, with a few friends of mine under adult supervision, and that ended for other reasons a few months after I turned 14. It had only lasted for a year before it shut down. I made one friend out of that. He was the only close friend I had in high school, and he was a year younger than me, so I spent some time in HS alone and friendless. I never got to catch a bus over to the bookstore or a coffee shop, or go see a movie by myself. I never got to watch any good, culture-defining movies with my mom, because most of those are rated R and her bitchness wouldn't let me watch anything with that rating.

So I wound up spending sophomore year (14, yes, I am damned smart) sad and alone, with the social skills of a retard. Having to put up with my mom's creepy best friend, who made me uncomfortable as hell. A side note: I was so socially inept that I avoided saying anything to one of the only three girls who was actually attracted to me in high school (and open about it) because she had the general build of my mom's creepy friend (short, pudgy, red hair).

Sophomore year really sucked, because in addition to constantly fighting with my mom, I got mocked a LOT in school, and was taking far too many honors/academic classes for my current state of mental fitness. Also, despite being shy around the aforementioned girl, I tried asking probably ten-fifteen other girls out, and got shot down every time but one-and the one was only because she decided to prank me by saying yes and then dropping me two days later for a basketball player. Got a reputation as a nutcase.

Junior year also sucked, because while I finally wound up in classes that weren't filled with jerks (although there were a few), I kept fighting with my mom until it eventually escalated so badly that I decided to move in with my dad. Additionally, I wound up missing out on girl #2 out of three, because my social skills sucked enough that I didn't realize she'd been hitting on me until my SENIOR year. She was a year ahead of me. Fewer academic classes, but I took Honors Biology under the hardest teacher in the school, so the workload stayed about the same. I was alone, feeling unloved, and so goddamn sad I was borderline suicidal. I spent junior year with various therapists, but because my mother didn't want to put me on meds, I couldn't get out of my depression.

It took from December until April for me to get everything taken care of to move out, mainly because Dad had to go apartment hunting for something close to school we could stay until I graduated. This was mainly because my BITCH of a mother wouldn't let me get my goddamn learner's permit! I was in a city in FLORIDA, where everything is fucking spread out, public transport only comes by once an hour, and having a car is, unfortunately, a required status symbol!!! So I spent the remainder of high school with no car. I didn't get my damn permit until after I turned 16, since the fucking bitch wouldn't hand over the damned documents I needed to get it, and it took months for my dad and I to realize this and get new copies from the state.

So it's senior year. I am the only guy in the school without a car. I am in mostly honors classes, which are full of preppy bastards and bitches who look upon a car as a required status symbol. I am still socially retarded, and am out of shape to boot. And, unsurprisingly, I developed a tendency to insult people as a way of briefly relieving my pain. I start going to a gym with my dad and take a personal fitness class at school. It helps me build a little muscle, but leaves me way behind all the dudes who have been lifting since they were freshmen. Which means I can't compete for preppy chicks, and I don't have classes with anyone who isn't shallow or already taken. One final girl seemed attracted to me, but she was an annoying scrawny bitch, and I wound up cussing her out after she'd been picking on a friend of mine who was kind of slow.

I am still, unsurprisingly, depressed, although my dad at least lets me catch the bus and go places. So the tension builds up, and occasionally I snap at people. What really springs to mind is the time one guy hit me with a book while I was sleeping. I pinned him to a wall as soon as class was out, and screamed at him for a couple minutes. He stopped giving me shit, but I got even more of a reputation as a nutcase. I am constantly sick with diarrhea. Finally, finally, in MARCH of my senior year, I get some antidepressants. Note that this is after I've already made a D in the first quarter of my AP Government class from having to deal with depression/stress. So senior year sucked, and I wound up being very happy to graduate and move away, even if it meant not being near my only close friend.

So I spend the summer happily enough, but become a social recluse because my dad's new condo is way the hell away from anything fun and I don't have a car, nor does the bus system run nearby. I'd have to swim across the Intercoastal Waterway to get to the closest stop-can't walk, because I'm pudgy and don't want to sweat and stink. I don't have a problem with this. Dad does, and overrules me. So nothing to do over the summer except read, use the computer, and watch TV.

I finally get to college on August 28th. The experience so far is weakened by the fact that I have piss-poor social skills, nobody in my dorm is really that social to begin with, and we're about a mile away from the rest of campus. Shuttles stop running at 5:30 on Fridays, and 9:30 on Saturdays/Sundays. If I walk, I'll be sweaty (just discovered THIS FALL that I have hyperhydrosis in my rectal sweat glands-which means that my ass can sweat enough to soak through boxers and non-mesh shorts in AN HOUR) and people won't want to hang out with me. Not that they do anyway. Fuck.

Sorry for dumping all this shit on you guys, but I'm really stressed and need some comfort.

I am myself trying to hold on to a 17 year relationship with a woman who has never slept with another man but all the sudden found one she wants to sleep with...
and i am not supposed to know about it.

Don't blame you, yours are much worse than mine.

sometimes people need an ear and some kind words.
and sometimes lonelyness can happen with or without someone special.
like right now i may as well be alone

I'm not sure what sort of advice to offer, but I wish there was something I could do.

Tell you what, PM me if you need a shoulder to cry on or anything.

I confronted my lady about what I knew .
She was mortified We talked and things appear to be going on a positive track.
Amazing what one can do when they stand up for themselves.

"High school isn't the rest of your life. College isn't the rest of your life." Both can be hideously painful experience, particularly for those of us who aren't social butterflies. But it doesn't last forever.

Have a hug, friend. :hug:

Just kinda down in the dumps. :hug:

Anyone who says they've never been down in the dumps is either A) lying, or B) in need of lithium.

:hug:

but sadly, I am not sure it gets any better.

Offices are even worse than high school when it comes to soap opera back-biting. It depends on what kinda job you do too. If you have your own work-station, then you might be alright. I thought, however, that I was gonna have problems with bullies at factories, but it did not happen. Also, it definitely does not get any easier to find a GF when you are out of college. But you do tend to get more comfortable, or is it resigned, to your station in life.
"This is Carlton, your doormat."

No one is really so cool that they don't feel the exact same way as you do. They all have the same feelings, just over different stuff.

The other thing is - what you think about expands. Where your thoughts are is what you end up with.
What would you really like to do, be, and have in life? That is where I'd love to see you put your thinking.

You are a writer. Look how you just gave us all the story of your life in simple understandable terms in just a few short paragraphs.

Start to think about what you want in life not what you don't want. Stop thinking of yourself as less than everyone around you. You have just as much right to exist as anyone else and I would love to see you treat yourself well. Practice being nice to you - it will change everything. Attitude really is everything.

Hang in there, one thing is certain, everything changes, it won't always feel this way because nothing lasts forever. :hug:

I'd like to try and write full-time, but I want a steady job to give me a bit of a nest egg beforehand. Lawyer, teacher, something along those lines. The motivational advice is most appreciated. Not sure how well I can actually put it into practice and get over all my past experiences, though.

Thank you for the sympathy. :hug:

Edit: Posted too soon.

Does your school have mental health program? You may be able to get free or low cost care there?

I hope you are addressing your medical problems. It seems to be having a significant effect on your self esteem and impacting your life.

Start hanging out at the gym. People are used to sweaty, stinky people there. Join some campus activities. You might make some friends and they might have cars to avoid you being trapped away from the main campus.

As other posters have mentioned, high school's behind you. In a few years, you won't even remember those people's names.

:hug:

"I hope you are addressing your medical problems. It seems to be having a significant effect on your self esteem and impacting your life."

On meds for the depression (need to go take them), looking into seeing if I can't simply work around the hyperhydrosis issue. I don't generally soak through denim, so I can wear jeans just fine. To prepare for next spring/summer, I'll probably get a lot of those mesh gym shorts that wick away sweat. If that doesn't work, then I'll see about going to a doctor.

"Start hanging out at the gym."

Already do. Going today.

"Join some campus activities."

Next semester. There's a group that helps out the feral cat population I'd love to work with.

Thanks for the compassion. :hug:

i read somewhere that it helps with sweaty palms...who knows, there may be a way to utilize it for your problem.

today is the day you begin your life, stay on your meds but slowly each day change one little thing that upsets you. it's rough becoming an adult, we've all had our insecurities and things we wish could have been ifferent. don't look back.

you are way above average.

Go to college; I bet you will do better than 98% of the rest of the freshman class that had "normal" parents, and therefore never developed the emotional maturity needed to be away from them and deal with peer and scholastic pressure at the same time.

Also...get a counselor in school, don't drink, don't smoke dope, and keep a journal.

I think you sound outstanding.

Human character isn't forged in normalcy, dear. You are too young to realize it, but you are now way ahead of the game.

Stephanie

I do write fairly well. Don't drink very often-6'3, approx. 250, I'd have to be chugging a lot of hard liquor for anything to really affect me, so it's kinda pointless. I don't do drugs-don't have a problem with other people using them, but I choose not to.

Not much for journal-keeping, though.

Thank you for all the compliments. :hug: (Although you might wanna brush up on your reading comprehension a little-I'm in college, not considering it. ;) )

I wrote this before I had to take Scout the Wonder Dog out for her business--iow...too damned early!!!!!

But, kudos to me! I did notice what an extraordinary person you sound like!

;)

Stephanie

I'm never at my best when it's early, either. Sit down, relax, make yourself a nice iced coffee, maybe crawl back in bed.

:cry: That's a very painful thing to read, much less to experience.:hug: Heidi's so very right. I think when you're young, it can be difficult to put social situations into perspective. I've never been on your side of the social spectrum; having difficulty with friendships, but I have certainly been in situations where I felt terribly intimidated and uncomforable.

I've found the most rewarding thing to do is to take advantage of the moments where I'm feeling scared or shy, and to force myself to do the opposite of what my frightened self wants to do; if I want to slink to the back of the group, I push myself up to the front. After awhile it becomes empowering and it beats down the original fears. I also think it's very important to conduct a positive inner dialogue with yourself. You must convince yourself that you have NO reason to think you're less than your peers. You have to tell yourself that you are worthy of the respect and companionship of others, and conduct yourself as though you believe this (if you don't, eventually you will.)

Stop criticizing those things about yourself that you dislike and cannot change; try to change those that you can, and recognize that you are an intelligent, caring, valuable person, who is not only worthy of the company of others, but who would be a valuable friend to anyone you became well acquainted with- after all, you are to us, right?:) Don't give your fears about what other people think of you any power over your life. Big hugs to you, SW.

I might try the approach you suggest. Couldn't hurt any. The self-criticism is fairly burned in by this point, though. ;)

Speaking of difficult issues, how are your problems going? That thread sank before I caught the resolution.

I just got hit with the unfortunate info. that I HAVE to buy a laptop for school, next semester. I'm not happy. Thanks for asking, though!:pals:

You can tell me to f*** off if you want to, but...

You mentioned war gaming, and it also sounds like you just don't feel like you fit in in the "normal" world. Have you ever thought about joining the Society for Creative Anachronism (www.sca.org) ?

I know lots and lots of people who never felt accepted or normal or happy among all the preppy/jocky people around them, but who found the SCA and finally felt like other people accepted them for who they were. And the SCA is full of gamers and other weird, smart, geeky people who don't judge or reject others like them. (This is not meant as an insult to you - I am one of those people too. Geekiness is good.) The SCA is also filled with lots of girls who want to date geeky guys. :-)

Most SCA groups love to have new people and have members with cars who are willing to pick up the transportation-less. A lot of colleges have their own SCA groups and activities for college student members, and these are designed around the fact that students don't have cars or lots of money. Drop me some mail if you want and tell me the city where you live and the name of your college (I'm not a crazy internet stalker, I promise!) and I'll send you some links to groups near you.

Or if you don't want, that's ok too. It's just that your story/you reminded me so much of the things some of my SCA friends have told me about themselves as highschoolers and their lives before they joined.

Whatever happens for you, I truly do hope that things start looking up for you. College should be a great time for you, not a source of unhappiness. I'm sorry that you have to go through all this. :hug:

I'm a bigtime medieval history buff, and I love arms and armor, so it would seem I'm a natural. Took a look at their website a year or two back. Problem is, I kinda have an aversion to the whole "create a persona" deal, and their combat rules are a little too unrealistic for my tastes.

If I can't find a Western Martial Arts sparring partner, though, I may have to reconsider. We will see.

Thank you for the suggestion and well wishes. :hug:

Edit: Think I will take you up on the info request, though. Couldn't hurt.

Taking you up on that request would require me actually giving you my location, wouldn't it? :eyes: :banghead: Man, I can be way too damn absent-minded.

I go to college in Tampa, FL.

or something like it. Also; READ READ READ. Even though it dosen't always help social skills; it keeps your mental acuity up (I'm sure you know this)and will always help with advanced english and writing classes. Also gives you something to start a conversation ("Have you read ______? What do you think he/she meant by that? What kind of fiction/non-fiction do you like? Do you have a favorite author? Reccommendation? Etc. Etc.)Lastly; it is a WONDERFUL form of escape. Your education about current events here at DU will also help. Seek out friends that are OLDER than you and learn from them; they will also be able to understand you better. Unfortunatly; most of the social skills you need will just have to come when they come. The only advice I can give you is to WATCH people and listen; don't jump in and try to sound "cool". Be observant. It can be facinating...

My parents wouldn't let me watch any TV except public television and stuff from the 40s 50s 60s; I didn't even know who the Beatles were until I was 12; much less any other R&R bands. When I picked out my own senior prom dress I was grounded for 3 months. Not as bad as you but I can understand a bit. Sheltered is part of the problem. You have to solve it yourself. Believe it or not; age does bring much more understanding--sorry to use a cliche.

BTW try music; BAND NERDS are the best. Same thing as SCA.

the SCA is chock full of geeks and freaks-many of them brilliant misfits (and some, not so much). I came from a bad home situation, was speech impaired, anorexic, and slightly deformed (which was why I was speech impaired), clinically depressed, and shy as hell. NO ONE was "into" me in HS (and I went to a school for the gifted), but the SCA accepted me. I left it once I had reconstructive surgery on my face and left for college. Being accepted there seemed to make it easier to find acceptance elsewhere.

One consideration though; if you are rude and insulting to others, calling people names like "annoying scrawny Bitch", there will be a problem. Respect and consideration for others is prized in the SCA, at least it was 25 years ago when I was involved in it. Dale Carnegie had it right; you'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar-no matter what part of society you find yourself in.

A lot of what you're complaining about is over. Doesn't make it hurt less, but it is over.

As for what's going on now... there are solutions. The hyperhydrosis can be dealt with, there are medications for it. Also check into whether or not your campus has a mental health program. There is no reason for you to be miserable and unhappy and they could help you get past this. If only just as someone you can vent your problems with.

But Heidi is right - this is not your whole life. You are obviously articulate and intelligent and have a great deal to offer. Don't let all this crap get you down. Really. Been there, done that. I slit my wrists a couple times in high school. Then I realized that there were more effective solutions to my problems, they just required a little more creativity.

So cheer up :) Your story is just beginning and this is just a small portion of your life.

Khash.

All these posts are making me glad I'm here on DU. I wouldn't get anywhere near the amount of sympathy anywhere else.

Thank you for the advice. I will look into the mental health program-I think being away from my regular therapist is accounting for a good bit of my problems.

Edit: Almost forgot to add a :hug:

And stop worrying so much about the sweat thing.

EVERYBODY sweats..some more than others.

I hope your college can hook you up with a good counselor who can help.

You sound like a nice and SMART kid. Please don't be so hard on yourself.

...at least until I lose some weight. ;) Will take a look at counseling next semester.

Okay, so that wasn't comforting. I'm 14 now, though just a freshman--I am in a sophomore English class, though.

Tough as shit, I'm sure.

:hug:

WIMR

Thanks for the sympathy. :hug: BTW, I don't pay much attention to the weather in other states-has it hit "mini-Ice Age" status up there yet?

It had earlier. It was nice today--temps in the 30s. :D :D

:hug:

Things to work on right now today:

a) stop comparing yourself to others
b) capitalize on your intelligence
c) join groups and forget about 'social skills'
d) begin letting go of whatever your Mom did to you (it doesn't matter now)
e) create a new vision of yourself and live it

Today's expecting a bit much-gotta study for a final tomorrow, but:

I can try to do A, definitely do B, working on C, not sure about D, and Es going to have to wait a little while

Yes D's the hard one. It's not so much a matter of forgiveness as it is acceptance. Accept your past and resolve to get beyond it. Your anger at your mother may or may not be overcome anytime soon. It's holding you back right now, so don't give it so much energy. Just try not to NEED it as an excuse for anything. This is only a temporary pit, and many people have rough starts. Now it is up to you at this point to shed the cocoon and fly. Whatever you do, don't lose that basic honesty and sharp insight into how things work. Hold to the truth and all else will fall away. You're gonna make it.

Volunteering might be a great way to meet new people, but I'd be careful to take care of yourself first. Take yourself to the doctor, take some time to relax. Is there a way to get your license?

:hug: I bet there are plenty of people that would love to get to know you. :hug:

Don't be shy about venting here. As crass and abrasive some of us can be sometimes (myself included), this community is really caring during crises.

Also, You have every right to be angry at your mother. It's not healthy to bottle it up or to pretend that it doesn't matter. Obviously, it does matter. Perhaps someday, you'll be at peace with the idea that she can't control you anymore. However, don't let anyone tell you to "get over it." Forgiveness is a process; moving too quickly usually just means denial of your feelings.

Give yourself permission to make mistakes. Feel good about small changes. Introduce yourself to people in classes. You don't have to be a stalker to observe the students at your school and meet the nice ones.

:hug:

....what took me over 30 years to figure out...is that YOU are all on your own regardless of anyone else in your life.....ONLY YOU can make YOU feel one way or another...obsessing over how others *MAKE* you feel is an irrational emotional trap we all set for ourselves...and always remember and never forget....

Galaxy Song
By Monty Python

Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown,
And things seem hard or tough,
And people are stupid, obnoxious, or daft,
And you feel that you've had quite enough . . .

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving,
And revolving at 900 miles an hour,
That's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.

The sun and you and me and all the stars that you can see,
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at 40,000 miles an hour,
Of the Galaxy we call the Milky Way.

Our galaxy itself contains 100 billion stars,
It's 100,000 light years side to side,
It bulges in the middle, 16,000 light years thick,
But out by us it's only 3,000 light years wide,

We're 30,000 light years from galactic central point,
We go round every 200 million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions or billions,
In this amazing and expanding Universe.

The Universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
In all of the directions it can whizz,
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light you know,
12 million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is,

So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life in space,
Because there's bugger all down here on Earth. :crazy:


:hi: :hug:

This is possibly the best advice on life anyone can ever share!

:blush:

too often. seawolf, you are probably more of a normal person than you see yourself. I have a 15 year old daughter who also can feel socially awkward at times even though she always gets along with people. It is part of the territory to be unsure. While you may be amazingly book smart (congrats on taking those honors classes; doing well will serve you in the future when "what other people think" won't matter), most kids your age are socially insecure and confused because of all of those new brain cells. I had my daughter at 20, so it wasn't too long ago that I was standing in your shoes...and I turned out okay,after some of the most miserable years of my life. This is a short period of time, that may seem like forever, but you won't even remember it later on. As a fact, I bet you'll be the guy who shows up at the reunion (although MrG and I don't do reunions because we both have no need to reflect back on that time) with the cute spouse.

Oh, and on the driving thing, my daughter hasn't, and won't take driver's training for sometime. We look at it as a privilege, not a right. So you are not alone. Feel sorry for her because she will be the only junior taking the bus to her school next year. Which she would be doing even with a license, because (in my opinion) 35 miles (she goes to a private school) is too far for an inexperienced driver to go on a daily basis.

That said, YOU are going to be OKAY! I know it. good luck sweetie.


:hug: and loving,

~Laura

"Life is never fair" and he was right.

I wish it were and I wish I could offer you some advice or give you comfort. I cannot, but I can offer you a few cyber hugs and, if you don't mind, say a few prayers that your stress is relieved and you find comfort.

Sometimes venting helps you realize what you need to work with, what you have accomplished and where you need to go, as well as clearing some cobwebs from your soul. I'm glad you feel like you can vent here and that folks are offering you kind words. I know from personal experience how important the kind words and encouragement are, how they can help you when you need it the most. DUers have been instrumental in helping me in my struggles.

Think of the poor souls in your shoes who have no idea about DU, you have us and can vent any time you need.

Peace and smiles to you! :hug: :hug: :hug:

Screw all that other stuff. Learn to like yourself, and the rest will follow. Get physically active. You're not competing against anyone. You don't have to measure up against anyone else. Take the pounds off. It'll be good for you, and good for your depression and self-esteem. Once you're in a good place with yourself, the rest will follow.

And no, you don't have to believe me, of course.

Good luck.

from experience I can say you never some fucking fun in your life. College really doesn't sound like its going to give you that unless you totally immerse yourself in academics to the exclusion of everything else. And it sounds like you've had trouble doing that...:(

I had all kinds of escapes growing up: comic books, video games, science fiction and fantasy novels, card games, collectibles, magazines, lots and lots of sexual daydreaming. I also had a stint where I really tore into classmates, made fun of them viciously, and was generally mean as fuck to them. At the time it was mostly girls I teased and I just couldn't stand them in addition to scoring points with my friends. In retrospect I really regret it, but thats because I hadn't yet realized how much a girl can add to your life if you're open to letting them.

I guess what I'm saying is that once you grow up a little bit, and trust me you will, you might come to regret how down on life you are currently and how negative your attitude is right now. Don't worry there's no way in hell you can see that in your present condition, but it'll come

I still feel like life took a big fat shit on me in alot of ways, but the thing that I regret more than anything is all the fun I didn't have because I was too chickenshit, awkward or unaware :(

First of all, you seem too harsh on your mother. She is supposed to do everything you want her to do? Sorry, but most parents don't do that, nor are they required to. You call her a fu$%ing b*tch, continually, for pretty insignificant reasons. Maybe you could have helped clean up the mildew around the house a little bit yourself, for example. I cannot believe everybody had a car at your school, unless it was a super-rich district. You probably just were ignoring the "losers" who did not have a car while comparing yourself to the "popular" people who did.

You complain that people do not like you, or did not, yet you only express contempt for other people. Your classes are full of "jerks" and "preppy bastids and b*tches" and YOU make excuses for insulting people. Try to find something positive to see and say to your peers. It is not necessary to blow out their candle to make yours shine more brightly. If you hang out with people, you usually accept and over-look (to a large extent) their faults and they over-look yours. So do not worry so much about your sweaty a$$ and concentrate on being funny or interesting and pleasant (like I ALWAYS am - ha ha)

Some of your complaints are within your control, such as more exercise. You are a smart kid, trying a chess club, or maybe a meditation group. Hang out with other smart kids, and try to stay calm.

I second the part about getting exercise. It not only helps you lose weight and tone up, it actually helps reduce depression symptoms. So you will feel better physically AND mentally. (Plus, it's a good place to meet women.)

What you project to others, that's what you will get back. If you're negative, that's the kind of energy that you are drawing to yourself. Try to be thankful for what you do have, not regret what you don't. I want to also emphasize that high school and college are a very small part of your life. After all the shit you've been through, your life can only get better!

You are doing lots of things right that you're not giving yourself credit for.:-) You're a good student, you don't do drugs or drink too much and you're enrolled in college.

I want to encourage you to go in another direction. I'm sure there are lots of volunteer opportunities in your area and at the college. You did mention working with feral cats which is a start. But I was thinking more of working with individuals. There are so many people who need help. Tutoring, for instance. With your academic talents, that might be the direction to go. In our city, there is a program in which people volunteer to help elementery school children improve their reading skills. The volunteers give a few hours a week during the school year. That's just one example. There are so many. You will be surprised how good you feel after giving your time to someone else. Your attention is focused outward to others, instead of inward toward yourself. Excellent for your mental health.:woohoo:



I will pray for you, too. O8)

Everyone I know had an adjustment period their first semester at college. It really can be a fresh start if you're willing to look at it that way.

Please look into the counseling available. I'd hate for that temper to get you into trouble.

:hug:

First, to repeat what others have said:
High school and college will soon be far behind you and irrelevant. To give weight to the social constructs of high schoolers and college students is to set an extremely low standard. Only middle schoolers are worse. (My hubby the wargamer teaches 7th grade Special Ed- the real pits.)

Second:
As someone who was always in the top of classes, the Deans List, etc....don't expect to ever fit in with most of society. If you are really up in the top, your entire world view will never be on their level....AND THAT IS A DAMN GOOD THING. Most people I know are more concerned about their neighbor's dog then politics...seriously, here in redneck Pa.

Frankly, you will never WANT to be close friends with most of the world because of the extreme difference. That is not a bad thing. The road to hell is loaded with most of the world, ya know?

Third:
Compassion for the stupidity of others will make YOUR life easier (to hell with them, ha!). Seriously. I am constantly having to tell my brainiac wargamer husband that he really needs to comprehend the difference between his intelligence level and that of the rest of the world. They just don't get most things, they never will, and don't see why they should. You are GIFTED, which means EXCEPTIONAL, which means never the norm....but do ya want to be the norm? Yuck.

High school totally sucked for me. I never fit in. I'm glad and I'm proud and I still don't fit in most places. Except I always seemed to fit in at work when a promotion was available.

Fourth:
Your mom: could she be suffering from untreated clinical depression as well? Could the mildew be
making her lethargic with allergies? This happened to me....in one apartment, all I could do was sleep, sleep and sleep. Can't live without Allegra now.

Fifth:
If you'd like to chat with a geeky super intelligent wargamer in Pa, PM me and I'll send you my husband's email address. Hey, and wargamers are highly unusual people.

Lots and lots of people have crappy childhoods.

I got hit. A lot. I got beaten for no reason, and not infrequently. I went out on my own at 16 because of the beatings.

Mrs R was hideously abused, both physically and psychologically. She went out on her own at 17 because of the abuse.

And we're both fine today, because we had the guts to get beyond our childhoods as we grew up.

Which childhoods, (may I repeat?) were a whole fucking bunch worse, and thousands of times more painful, than yours.

You'll note, if you look around DU, that I'm right up front with the sympathy when someone really needs some. You don't need any. You need to stop whining and blaming everyone else for your "problems," and grow the fuck up.

I'm sure you're not going to be happy with this response to your post. But I issue you this challenge: Copy your post and my response to a file, and print them. Then read them in ten years, and come back and tell me that my advice wasn't right, I dare you.

Someday, you'll thank me for telling you this.

Redstone

I won't go into my crappy childhood..but it continues until now, and I am 47. Take Redstone's advise. You really don't know how good you have it now compared to a lot on this board.

My message to you: GET OVER IT

There are many, many people here on DU who issue a call for sympathy and support, and for damn good reasons. I try to respond to every one of them; indeed, that's why I read the OP's post. We are a community here, and in a community, each member helps each other member whenever possible.

But only when it's genuinely needed. It's also the duty of every member of a community NOT to offer false solace, which does NOT contribute anything when the truth is what is really needed.

Here's a kid who has an only moderately crappy life, and shows a disturbing tendency to blame his parents for things that are not their fault.

He will not benefit from reflexive messages of sympathy (though they are well-meant; I'm not criticizing people who genuinely think they're helping him by feeling sorry for him); he'll benefit only from a wake-up call, and one that he'll listen to.

So listen to me, sonny, this is your cranky old Uncle Redstone telling you the truth, which I'll always do even if nobody else will: Every single teenager in America feels like life in general, and their parents in particular, conspires against them constantly, just for the purpose of making them feel bad.

Guess what? It's not true.

Stop whining and go do something positive for once. Get your ass up off the couch and away from the computer games, and go out and see what's out there. It's a big world, and a world full of wonders to be experienced and enjoyed.

But you won't experience or enjoy a single one of those wonders sitting on the couch and feeling sorry for yourself.

Redstone

Gez, glad we have some black and white thinking people here too - they are not all in the White House! All there - even the certainty of being infailible!

just pack a change of clothes and then sweat isn't a problem. If you already feel you have poor social skills you shouldn't further isolate yourself.

you look back at all this and can't believe it got to you.
Until you get there, you can try the power of distraction - get involved in whatever gets your interest - and sometimes, pretending you are at that great point in the future and acting as if you are, helps too.
It's tough to march to your own drummer when you are that young - but as you develop a sense of self and enjoyment of being in your own skin, you'll derive satisfaction from your own uniqueness - it's something to celebrate.
Remember: after high school, it's the "cool kids" who remain behind and the geeks get the interesting lives.

Listen, man. If you want things to change, you have to do it yourself. Getting angry at jocks and cheerleaders isn't going to do anything. Getting angry at your mother isn't going to do anything, either. Worry less about assigning blame for your situation, and worry more about getting yourself out of it.

I was socially inept in grade school, too. I was THE smartest kid in class, I have an IQ that is right on the border of genius, I wasn't that good at sports, my mom babied me too much...so after getting picked on for my first three years of middle school, I decided to do something about it.

The next time the school bully started pushing me and intimidating me, I threw him into a desk. He fell down and the desk fell on top of him. Then I decided to do something with my social life. I loved alternative music and heavy metal, so I got myself an electric guitar. I took piano lessons when I was younger, so I picked up guitar rather quickly. In eighth grade, my friend and I played Metallica for the talent show and my brother drums. We were the heroes of the school for the last month of eighth grade. Every girl wanted to hang out with me after school.

Then in high school, my guitar playing friend started hanging out with skinheads. I had a few other grade school friends in high school but they were even more socially inept then me. So my one "cool" friend basically abandoned me, because I refused to act like a racist when I hung out with him. So there I was in the same situation. It was an all boys high school, so I never met any girls. My younger brother had a girlfriend before I did, and I felt like a complete loser because of it. Then the skinheads began to pick on me because I wouldn't kiss their asses.

But I kept my escapes. I got a part-time job at the custard stand when I was 15. There were many cute and wonderful girls that worked there. I joined a different band. We played at shows and had girl groupies. I asked a really cute girl I worked with to Homecoming, and she went with me. Then she ditched me after the dance for some other guy.

Then I started going to raves. And not ones in the clubs...underground warehouse parties. I found that I fit right in to the open minded communities there. I met my first real girlfriend at a rave. I kissed many girls, gave them back massages, and the rave scene was the first place I felt totally comfortable being myself. Then the bastards outlawed them. But I still made many friends that way.

I started out in college knowing no one. It sucked, because it was a college in my home city, but I wanted to live in the dorms. But the dorms were full, and I (being so excited to move out of my parents house and meet more people) had to live at home. I didn't make any friends in my first year of college. I hated it. My friends all went to private colleges, or were somewhere out of state. My parents never got along with each other. My mom constantly reminded me of how worthless men are. But then I got a job on that side of town and eventually got my own place. I worked at a department store with many other girls. I hung out with a lot of them, and went on dates with a few of them. I threw awesome parties at my house. By the time senior year rolled around, I had 50 people show up at my birthday party, all of which were my friends in some regard. We hosted parties of over 100 people all the time that year. I had something to do every night of the week.

So now I moved to a different city for grad school. Again, I knew no one here. I spent my first year on campus in a terribly boring school in a terribly boring section of town. I didn't know anyone. I had no network of friends. The people I go to school with are really not they type of people I usually hang out with. I had a miserable year last year. No friends, Kerry lost, no money...

So I started going to the gym and working out. I have just joined another band, and I think I might join another. I want to go out and play shows. Grad school sucks for meeting people, so I am just finding other avenues. I haven't had a girlfriend since I moved down here. I miss that attention and female affection. So I am going to find it. I have a birthday party coming up Friday. I am expecting about 50 people to come as well. I didn't even have one last year. Nobody cared.

Do you see the pattern here? Life goes in cycles, and things get bad, and things get good. You have to experience some pain in order to find out who you are. You have to make some sacrifices in order to make things the way you want them to be. But you have to be the active one. No one else is going to do it for you. You say you don't want to sweat at the gym? Put on a jogging suit and jog outside. Find a talent that impresses people. If you don't have one, make one. Play an instrument and get good at it. What music do you like? Go see some local bands play. If you were really interested in making your life a better one, you would have done it already. But instead you were more interested in blaming others for your situation. You have bad social skills? Make friends with other people who have bad social skills. Learn to trust in yourself and realize most people aren't out to get you. You have to trust others if you want to be able to build social connections with them. Who cares about rejection. The worst thing that can happen is that you end up where you started. If it sets you back any farther than that, it is your fault for self-handicapping yourself.

Go out there and be who you are, and love the world and love yourself. It's the only way to salvation and it's the only way you will ever make good, long-lasting friendships. I guarantee you that the number of friendships you will make is proportional to the love you are able to show to others. If someone rejects your love, fuck it! There is always someone else.

But you have to have patience. Getting yourself out of a rut will take a year or two of working at it. That's how long it has taken me. Go lose some weight so you feel good about yourself. Change your diet. Exercise. How badly do you want it? Ask yourself. Do you enjoy sitting around and blaming others that much? Is that helping you at all? After you exercise enough, get a job where you will meet people. Develop social skills that way. Get a hobby and be productive. Then get a girl, and you will be happy. Fuck sweat. Who cares if you sweat a lot at first.