Question for DU women

Ok, so I've been in correspondence with my first girlfriend from high school. Granted, we dated back in 85-86. Long time ago. We've spoadically kept up communication, but only recently started really talking.

I mentioned that she looked great in one of her recent pics. She was very surprised, saying "how come you never said these type of things years ago??" I thought I did - but being a dumb teenager I probably didn't want to make it seem like I was too desperate or something.

Her response email (after being surprsed that I never said that...) was "no you never did - funny the little things you remember. that was one I never forgot. for as much as i liked you i do remember hoping to hear things like that."

That kind of made me pause and think. Did I break her heart back then????

Anyway - I don't get this...

Perhaps I'm still limited by my Y chromosome...

:D :hi:

;) :hi:

Her response email (after being surprsed that I never said that...) was "no you never did - funny the little things you remember. that was one I never forgot. for as much as i liked you i do remember hoping to hear things like that."

That kind of made me pause and think. Did I break her heart back then????

Talking to you again probably just brought back old memories. Happens all the time.
Maybe she's re-interested, or maybe she's just having fun teasing you about being a 'jerk' in high school. But I wouldn't read too much in to it.

Fully admit that...pretty much a jerk until my 20's, and some would argue I still am...

I wouldn't know, but it was a convenient way to describe something she might be thinking.

I'd just not even bother thinking about it if I was you.

Review the past, assess my damage, etc...

why don't you just ask her if you hurt her? :shrug:

= Taverner right now

I hope everything is ok in your life... damn.

But the past weeks I've been doing a lot of soul searching, to see what led up to where I'm at right now. Some things I'm glad about, but others, not so glad.

And I'm also trying to see if in general I've had more of a negative impact or a positive one in life....

I would love to think that I've had more of a positive impact in my life... interesting thought.

And what you do, see and experience will not always be good. You may not be so glad about some of the things you've experienced or chosen but all of them have led you to this point in your life. Rather than go back and try to over-analyze some of these things (like whether or not you broke this girl's heart - and teenaged girls get their hearts broken five times a week, by the way), far better to look at it from the point of view of lessons learned - like the lesson that if you DO care about someone, it's important to let them know.

I'm not a big one for re-visiting past relationships. Especially those that took place at such a volitile time as high school. You've no doubt changed since then, as has she. Don't look at her as the same person she was then - try to find the person she is now.

Does any of this make any sense at all?

RL

Are you asking what she meant by that? Or are you asking whether it means you broke her heart? I think you're still having high school issues - don't ask us, silly. Ask her!!

I probably didn't want to make it seem like I was too desperate or something. LOL


Remember the LOL. Me thinks she might start hitting on you soon.

2.00 dollars.

What are you even talking about, he's the one who said he didn't want to sem too desperate. I'm confused.

they pick up on when you say you're asking a ? and then no ? appears..

A little maturity is needed here.

Steve Martin) off playing with my breasts rather than posting here -- but I beseech thee to be verrrrry, very careful, dude. I sure wish that I could have said such things to women 20 years ago, but sometimes that window of time and place is never going to be anything but history...that's what regrets are for. I think I know some of what you feel, and how powerful those feelings can be (even when they don't seem it, because they can just sit there nibbling away at you), so please watch out for that pesky Y-chromosome's inherent urge to replicate itself at every turn.


Actual picture of Y-chromosome (at right):



Appropriate corrective action -- warning...R-rated (replace "morgenlatte.gosh" with "morgenlatte.gif") : www.my-smileys.de/smileys2/morgenlatte.gosh

So sorry you'll never have that experience.:o

just send me the proof on a videotape. :D

Or DVD...

:spank: :D

encouraging me...

Enough said.

very hurt. Otherwise she wouldn't rememember it so well. You don't tend to remember things that didn't matter that much.

Teenaged girls are as notoriously emotionally volatile as teenaged boys are notoriously...erm...ahh...frequently aroused and emotionally thick. (In a very general way, as certainly there are myriad exceptions).

The only individual on the planet with the information you're seeking is your friend from high school.

However, I'm wondering if it really matters all that deeply. You've changed considerably since high school and grown past many of the limitations you had as a teenager. I'm certain she has too.

She may have been indicating that her heart had been broken, but she also may have simply been referring to a personal struggle with her self-esteem and the impact your teenaged self had on her personal issues.

:hi:

Thanks :pals:

but, that's just me

But I'm wondering why this is so important to you....

It doesn't seem to be that the issue was that you broke her heart, but that she remembers you NOT complementing her appearance as one of the dissatisfactions of your relationship together. It sounds like she was looking for signs back then that you really cared about her, and that she didn't really get that, for whatever reason.

I once had a former high school girlfriend say she thought I didn't really care about her. She was looking for a deeper romance than I was at that age.

It also sounds like your former girlfriend still has a little thing for you, but maybe I am reading too much into this.

Redstone

:thumbsup:

Not saying anything is anybody's fault, but it's very frequently a dangerous situation: You combine nostalgia with a few years, throw in a regret or two, and you got a recipe for

trouble with a

boldface,

italic,

underlined,

capital T.

With flashing neon lights.

A couple of years back, I re-connected with a woman who I had come within a few inches of getting married to when I was 20 years old, and I had not seen her for almost thirty years since we split up.

Now, if there's anyone who can resist temptation, it's me; and furthermore I realized after seeing her again (as I knew back then) that her ultra-hyper-type-A personality would drive me fucking insane if I were around her for any length of time, and to be honest, she's not near as pretty as Mrs R is (and looks count to everyone, so don't anybody ding me for saying that), so there wasn't any danger, really, of me doing something stupid.

But still, I did think about her a lot on the five-hour drive home from having lunch with her. I did.

So: put anyone who's less utterly smitten with their spouse than I am, and more inclined toward adventure (yes, I DO mean "younger") in such a situation, and there could be fireworks.

And we all know what happens when the fireworks go off in the wrong direction and fly up your pant-leg, don't we?

Mr Taverner, tread VERY carefully. Trust this friendly advice from an old fart who has been lots of places, seen lots of things, and known lots of people.

Redstone

"...and fly up your pant-leg, don't we?"

I love your way with words RS....

Yes I probably should not visit her - I have that clear...

Of course the one question I would love to ask, and I know would never be answered...is what the fuck did she see in me?

good thing, but hey, tequila is a good thing until you drink that last shot that you shouldn't have.

I'd not navel-gaze on this one, but accept the fact that she thought you were hotter stuff than you thought you were at the time as a generalized compliment.

I've been sandbagged by women saying stuff like "You know, I had a terrible crush on you when we were in high school; all you had to do was say one word, and I'd have been yours."

(Of course, this usually happens at high-school reunions; I'm in the age group where I'm pretty much the only guy at the reunions who still has all his hair.)

I just let it slide off, even if it was someone who, back then, I'd have walked a mile in the snow barefoot just to stand where she had sat.

I suspect, sonny, that you're being used (not maliciously, of course) as kind of an ego-reinforcement mechanism for the young lady. And I see signs that you're participating in the hope of some ego reinforcement your ownself.

If that makes the both of you feel better, then it's fine and dandy.

But keep an eye peeled for them dragons I mentioned in my first reply.

(Oh, and if it bothers your wife even A LITTLE TEENY BIT for you to be communicating with this girl, stop doing it. Immediately. I'm still in touch with half a dozen old flames, but ONLY because Mrs R doesn't mind. If she did mind, I'd drop them like a hot rock. In fact, three of them have become good friends with her.)

Redstone

:shrug: And what happened then shouldn't really matter now.

from you were the relationship to begin again. She's trying to tell you part of what happened to the two of you back then so that you can maybe make a note of it and not make the same mistakes again.

Or maybe she's just trying to give you advice for any relationship you might get into.

Ideally:
Girl: I like it when you say things like that to me, it makes me feel like you care/like me/whatever.
Boy: Mental note: say this stuff more often.

Realistically:
Girl: I like it when you say things like that to me, it makes me feel like you care/like me/whatever.
Boy: I'm sorry, did you say something?

;)

Oh. never mind. I wasn't listening properly. :P

:)

:pals:

:hug:

:rofl: :loveya:

You may have dashed her hopes, but to break her heart you'd have to mislead her into thinking there was something more there than there really was, then tell her the truth after she'd got her hopes up.

No, I think you just didn't give her what she wanted.

"History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce."

Are you missing something? If I'd be you, I'd really question myself about the path you're taking. Is it an ego thing? Don't get me wrong - I just never believed in rewriting some past that's actually written in stone. And another thing - with all due freedom to think about it, of course - how would *you* feel if your wife would post the same questions here?

If you're missing something and look back into your life (soul you call it) I think the problem lays not where you might have broken a heart in high school. We all have; we all got ours broken in return as well. History.

The question is, just like yesterday, "Should I go visit her?"

bc I think you should fuck her :D

This seems more wistful to me than anything. "I really liked you back then. Too bad we didn't get together."

That may or may not mean she wants to do anything about it in the present. That's where you'll have to ask her, if and only if you are available to do so. Otherwise, you'd be doing it to her all over again. No one wants that.