Bush defends eavesdropping, and restroom peeping

In radio address, he acknowledges issuing orders

WASHINGTON • President Bush said Saturday that he secretly ordered the National Security Agency to eavesdrop on Americans because it was "critical to saving American lives" and "consistent with U.S. law and the New Bush Constitution." But he went a step further by installing hidden toilet cams in all Government buildings, and has a deal worked out with Wall Mart’s across America to install toilet cams in their rest rooms as well, “We know terrrist do all their plannin while they relieve themselves, but first of all, I wish I was not talkin about this here seceret operation, now the terrrist know we know,” Bush said, “We need an investigation to find out what slimy degenerate, no-good, back-stabbin, low-life, would dare leak a story like this to a news reporter.”

When asked by stunned reporters how this event was any different from the top Bush officials that leaked the name of the undercover CIA agent, Valerie Plame to Robert Novak, a well know toilet reporter, Bush replied with “when we break the law, it aint a law, a… at, the time we do it… because the American people want me to protect em” “and while I am the President of the United States of America, I aim to protect em.”
Bush also rebuked Senate Democrats for blocking renewal of the USA Patriot Act, which tries to give the Bush administration more surveillance power after 9-11 and which expires Dec. 31. “Now were gettin down to the wire on my Patriot Act, and we got them there fillerrbusters, and I even know that aint good” as Bush gave his radio address, you could see his staffers were quite uncomfortable, it was said that none would use the rest room until they got home, and turned off the lights.

White House advisers said Bush decided to confirm the program's existence, and combine that with a demand for reauthorization of the Patriot Act, to put critics on the defensive by framing it as a matter of national security, not civil liberties. It was also exposed that cameras were installed in shower heads located in locker rooms of public High Schools throughout the country, Bush explained that it was only an idea that Karl Rove was bouncing around, and the perception of cameras located in areas of high privacy like rest rooms and locker rooms, keep terrrist on their toes, “it’s clearly working”
The order signed by Bush, reported by The Times on Thursday, empowered the NSA to monitor bowel movements of U.S. citizens and residents without the warrant normally required by a secret stool judge, “you can learn a lot from a terrrist stool sample,” “this really must be left for professionals, we are experts.”

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i9930

he knows when you're sleeping, he knows when you're peeing...