Santa is a Democrat

It's rare that we can copycat the Freepers, but this one's gonna be fun...

* Santa is the largest employer of gays (ever seen a female elf?) and minorities (reindeer with self-illuminating noses) on the planet.

* Santa's sleigh is a hybrid (reindeer power/magic) vehicle, and is completely independent of nonrenewable energy sources. A Republican Santa would have performed a time/motion study, applied Six Sigma methodologies to the problem of rapid toy delivery, then traded in his sled for an SR-71 (or just outsourced the whole Christmas Eve trip to FedEx) and filled his freezer with reindeer meat.

* Santa has remained married to the same woman for the past 900 years. A Republican Santa would have traded Mrs. Claus in on a trophy wife long before now.

* Santa uses gentle yet effective correction on bad children. A Republican Santa would put you in Gitmo without filing charges.

* Santa's trip to the Island of Misfit Toys to collect all the...unusual playthings...shows that he believes in the innate worth of everyone. A Republican Santa would have napalmed the island and set up a gambling casino.

* Santa hasn't offshored his production to China or incorporated his firm in Jamaica, and a Republican Santa would have done both.

* While Santa certainly receives payment in milk and cookies for his services, the value of his remuneration is far less than the value of his services. IOW, do you REALLY think the value of the three cookies and small glass of milk you left him is the equal to the Xbox 360 and five games he left you?

* Santa's workshop doesn't meet code, he operates an aircraft without a pilot's certificate, he hasn't had a flight physical ever, his aircraft is equipped for VFR operation but flies mostly under IMC and with a load far in excess of its weight and balance limits, he is in clear violation of federal wage/hour rules, his workman's comp and unemployment insurance premiums are way, WAY overdue not to mention his tax forms, no one seems to know where he gets his funding, and because he enters the country--repeatedly--without a passport, a work visa, authorization from the INS or customs clearance, you just KNOW Homeland Security is after his ass. Would a member of the Party of Law and Order flagrantly violate so many laws? (On second thought, don't answer that.)