Jeez man

Okay, my friend has a drinking problem. But he's a really good guy, the best. And he's been trying to deal with it. Last year, before he was trying, he got really fucking smashed at Christmas, and it was a bad scene... not violent or anything, just a really drunk guy.
Well, we went out tonight and he was saying he was talking to his mother and asked what they were doing and she said that her and his dad were going to his sister's for Christmas dinner.
He wasn't even invited. He confessed that he'd cried the rest of the night until we picked him up to go out for dinner. It really hurt him.
And I've noticed over the last year, when he DOES drink, he's no longer a happy drunk, he usually begins tearing up about how much his family hates him.
What kind of bastards treat a family member likes this at christmas?

can trust him to act right.

It's his responsibility to prove that.

Redstone

On a holiday, it can only make things worse

and so they won't allow another Christmas to be destroyed by him getting stinkin' drunk.

Maybe that should be sending a message to your friend to get his act together.

I don't know your friend and so cannot judge and will not make a lengthy comment on this while I'm in the midst of attempting to have a good evening all on my own.

But ...

Just from your brief description, it sounds like a lot of issues are there, and your comments about how this is affecting your friend do not indicate in the least the the friend is actually healing, even if the drinking has subsided. A lot of alcoholics get it in their heads that if they stop drinking, everything is automatically forgotten, and they have no more work to do. That is entirely wrong. Not drinking is the first and easiest step in repairing relationships, and, I am sorry to say, just based on your description, it doesn't sound to me like your friend has actually taken it upon himself to repair those relationships.

My father is a "really good guy" according to his friends, and I and my mother have given him numerous chances to try to make amends for what he has done to us. But, he never does. He somehow has gotten the idea it is our job to fix him, and that is simply not the case. He is no longer welcome anywhere near our homes and won't be until he issues a sincere apology backed with genuine actions indicating he has accepted the personal responsibility he abdicated when using his alcoholism as an excuse for shitty behavior.

I don't mean to sound like an ass, and I'm sorry if you find this offensive, but I've dealt with this, repeatedly, and it is not as easy as saying you just don't do this at the holidays.

to tell the guy they feel he is no longer worth being in the family.

Give him a hug from me and tell him that AA works, my father has been sober for 27 years. :hug:

Numerous times? We don't know what he's done to his family. We only have one side of the story.

And yes I have had to deal with the pain of someone being lost to drugs.

there IS something about Canada (or Quebec that makes people want to drink- ok I'll speak for myself- makes me want to drink) Perhaps it's the cold; I've only been in Quebec City when the winter carnival was going on and that Moose stuff sneaks up on me every time.

Plus dinner at the Parliment... You take one sip and they refill your glass. Not being used to luxury, it took me two years of that to figure it all out. As a sidenote, it was kind of funny to see the newer legislators do the same thing my friend Joanne and I once did. But at least we warned them! :-)

Gosh I'm sorry... just thinking out loud.

The important part is this. He's in pain and sounds as if he is seriously depressed and is self medicating with the alcohol. He needs help. If you are a good friend you'd not only urge him to get help but possibly even set up an appointment and take him there yourself. Depressed people tend to be very apathetic so he might not go on his own. I'm seriously worried about this guy. I was once depressed that badly and almost killed myself 3 times. Statistics show that the scary thing about men is that they are less likely to "almost" and more likely to actually do it. I guess it's mostly because they DON'T often send out as strong warning signals as women.

Good Luck and God Bless