My challenge to DU Lounge denizens

Come up with a funny, original joke that revolves somehow around the word "Brazilian."

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

To get to the other side! Yuk, yuk, yuk! :-)

It takes a nation of Brazilians to hold you back.

:spank:

Absolutely fantastic, no pubic hair whatsoever on the whole pie.

:o

"Who's there?"
"Brazilian"
"Brazilian who?"
"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

:D

Suddenly, the pilot rushed out of the cockpit, yelled "we're going to crash!", grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.

The remaining three looked at each other wide-eyed for a moment then looked at the two remaining parachutes. Bush cried, "well, I'm the smartest man in the world so I should get one!" and he grabbed a pack and leaped out of the plane.

The priest sighed and put his hand on the Brazilian's shoulder. "You go ahead, my son," he said. "You have your whole life to live and I am old. I'll stay here."

"Don't worry about it, Father" the Brazilian said with a wink, "The smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack.

:hi:

This guy from Sao Paulo, Brazil goes to Lisbon. It's Friday and he wants to buy a book but does not have enough money on him. He asks in the hotel:
" Will the shops close tomorrow?"
" No", he was told.

Next day he goes to three or four bookshops and finds them all closed. Back in the hotel he remonstrates with the receptionist:

" You told me the shops here would not shut on Saturday."

" Of course I did. They shut on Friday evening !"

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4498846

hehehehehe

Ronaldo v Scotland Joke

Fast forward to 2006 - it is just before Scotland v Brazil at the next World Cup Group game. Ronaldo goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Scotland. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered".

Ronaldo looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."

So Ronaldo goes out to play Scotland by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - Scotland 0 (Ronaldo 10minutes)". He is beating Scotland all by himself!

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the teletext on.

"Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldo 10 minutes) - Scotland 1 (Angus 89 minutes)".

They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against Scotland!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.

He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against Scotland, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"

"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes"

none, they don't disturb him at all.

"None. He was already disturbed."

:thumbsup:

the bartender says, "what is this, some kind of joke?"

Here.

har dee har har

The bartender, Paul Wolfowitz, World Banker brings them the beer.

"How much will that be?" the Brazilians ask.

"A Brazilian..." Wolfowitz replies.

"We don't have Brazillion dollars, the Brazilians say. We're poor agragrians. How about some credit?" ask the Brazilians.

Wolfowitz extends them credit at absurd interest rates, the Brazilians get drunk, and buy all sorts of useless American junk that they don't need and end up so deeply in debt that they are in danger of defaulting on their loans.

Wolfowitz demands that they fire all of their working people, go on austerity and peg their currency to the US dollar, whereupon one of the Brazilians kills the other one, starts a military junta run by death squads using US weapons bought on US credit. Millions of people die so that the Brazilians can once more become poor agrarian people who can't afford a beer. Later the whole country is run by the CIA.

Later some what smashes up the bar and takes some gin to distill in order to fuel a 1963 Volkswagen Bus.

This joke is so funny I forgot to laugh.

(((groan)))


Yeah. I know.

I'll just do it myself.


:spank:

why a Brazillion of couse (rimshot)

at Brazillion's








ok so that one sucked








I quit

The replies it has are already a brazilian too many.

Explaining what happened to the paramedics was embarrassing, and she hasn't returned my calls.

Next time she may call you back, but don't expect her to be kind.