Joke:

This one is kinda long, so I will present it first in this thread and then in subsequent replies. No jumping to the last reply to see the punchline! That's cheating! Here goes:

A sixth grader was on the playground one day and overheard some kids talking about purple ivy. He went up to them and asked what it was. "We can't tell you. You'll have to go ask the teacher." they replied. So, when recess was over, he went up to the teacher: "Miss Smith, when we were in recess, I heard some kids talking about purple ivy and I went up to them and asked what it was. They wouldn't tell me and told me to come ask you. So what IS purple ivy?" he asked. The teacher looked shocked! "You go to the principles office right this second and tell him what you've said, Tommy!" she told him.

Continued...

When Tommy got to the principles office he was scared. The principle called him into the office and sat him down. "Why are you here, Tommy?" he asked. "Well, when were at recess, I heard some kids talking about purple ivy and when I asked them what it was, they wouldn't tell me and told me to ask the teacher. When recess was over, I asked her what purple ivy was and she told me to come to your office and tell you what I had said. So, Mr. Jones, what IS purple ivy?" Mr. Jones' face got all red. "I'm calling your mother to come get you right this second, Tommy! I don't want you at my school anymore!" boy was he angry!

Continued...

When Tommy's mother arrived to get him, the Principle told her he was expelled from school and to NEVER bring Tommy back. When they got home, Tommy's mom sat him down and asked him what happened. "Mom, I don't know! During recess, I heard some kids talking about purple ivy and I asked them what it was. They wouldnt' tell me and told me to ask the teacher. When I did, she sent me to the principles office. When I asked HIM what purple ivy is, he got all mad and called you and expelled me. MOM! What IS purple ivy?" he wailed! "You get up to your room, young man! And you just wait until your father gets home!"

Continued...

Up in his room, Tommy was scared. He couldn't imagine what purple ivy was that would cause such a disaster. When his daddy got home, his mom sent him up to Tommy's room immediately. Tommy was scared. "Tommy, your mother tells me you got expelled from school today. What happened, son?" his dad asked. "Daddy, I don't want to tell." he said and almost cried. "No, you tell daddy what happened." his dad prodded. "Well....OK....when we were at recess today I heard some kids talking about purple ivy and I asked them what it was. They wouldn't tell me and told me to ask the teacher. When I asked her, she got all mad and sent me to the principles office. When I asked HIM what it was, he got all mad and expelled me and called mom to come get me. When we got home I asked mom what purple ivy is and she got mad too and sent me to my room to wait for you to come home. Daddy, what IS purple ivy?" Suddenly, Tommy's dad rared back and slapped him across the face! "You get your clothes packed right now and get out of my house, Tommy! I don't every want to see you again!"

I'm not laughing.

oops I thought you were finished ...

never mind :blush:

Tommy packed his clothes, crying the whole time, and left the house. He vowed to never mention purple ivy again it got into so much trouble. When he grew up, he joined the army and was one day talking with one of his buddies and got to thinking about all the trouble he had as a kid. So he asked his buddy if he knew what purple ivy was. "Nope. I gots no idea what it is. Ask the sarge." So, Tom went to the sarges office. "Sarge, I have something I've been wondering about for years. When I was a kid, I was on the playground and I heard some kids talking about purple ivy. I didnt' know what it was so I asked them. They wouldn't tell me and told me to ask the teacher. When I asked her, she sent me to the principles office. When I asked him what it was, he expelled me and called my mom. When she come to get me, I asked her what it was and she sent me to my room to wait for my dad to come home. When dad got home, I asked him what purple ivy was and he kicked me out of the house and told me never wanted to see me again. So, I never found out what purple ivy is. Sarge, what IS it? Do you know?"

Tom was promptly court marshalled and dishonorably discharged. As he was leaving, the sarge came up to him and said; "I'll tell you how to find out Mister, what purple ivy is. Go back to your home town, find a lady, get married, and SHE'LL tell you what purple ivy is."

Continued...

So that's what Tom did. He went back to his home town and met Julie. They got married. After the honeymoon, as they were in the kitchen getting ready to make supper together, Tom finally got up the nerve to tell his new wife about his childhood. "Honey, when I was a child on the playground, I heard some kids talking about purple ivy. I didn't know what it was so I asked them, but they wouldn't tell me and told me to go ask the teacher. She sent me to the principles office. When I asked HIM what it was, he expelled me from school and called my mom. When I asked HER what it was, she sent me to my room to wait for my dad to come home. When he got there, I asked him what it was and he kicked me out of the house. After I joined the army, I asked a buddy of mine what purple ivy was. He didn't know and told me to ask the sarge. When I asked the sarge, I got court marshalled, dishonorably discharged and he told me that if I would come back to my hometown and get married, that YOU would tell me what purple ivy is. So honey, what the hells IS purple ivy?"

"Hmmm...I'll tell you what, Tom, you walk up to the corner market and get us some milk, bread and eggs and when you get back, I'll tell you what purple ivy is." Tommy was estatic! He was FINALLY going to find out what purple ivy was!

Continued...

In a rush, Tom ran out of the house and down the street to the corner. As he was crossing the street, a car hit him and killed him instantly.

Moral of the story?

Look both ways before you cross the street.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:rofl:

Because if you are I'm all alone.

:rofl:

Now I'll never find out about Purple Ivy!

I first heard that one in the 7th grade in shop class. Boy were we MAD when he got to the end. :rofl: I would nominate this as the bad joke of the century. :rofl:

:spank: :spank: Bad Clintmax!! Bad boy!! No! No! :spank: :spank:

Not that that's a bad thing :evilgrin:

I think we both deserve one for the way we hijack Clint's threads!

It's good to see you and to see you haven't given up being naughty for the new year. :loveya:

:spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank:

I doubt that I could manage to give up being naughty - in fact it would be broken before I got to bed having seen in the new year.

:loveya:

Thanks, Swim! :rofl:

that joke stinks. It's not even a joke. It's a short story!

:mad: ;)

Hey, bigwill! :hi:

:hi: