Need a hug - am getting ready to sever ties with my brother.

malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 01:59 PM
Original message

Need a hug - am getting ready to sever ties with my brother.

It's too long and detailed to go into here, but suffice it to say, I am tired of dealing with a 30 year old man who has never had a job, lives off the parents and treats me like s**t.

I am so sad.
:cry:

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Midlodemocrat

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:00 PM
Response to Original message

1. My husband did that with his sister.

And, frankly, he wishes he did it when she was 30 instead of 50.

Good luck.

:hug:

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:02 PM
Response to Reply #1

3. Thanks. I hope I am doing the right thing.

He is my only sibling.

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Midlodemocrat

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:09 PM
Response to Reply #3

8. My husband's as well.

But, she created an absolutely unbearable situation that required him to take some drastic action. He hasn't spoken to her in five years and feels no regret nor sorrow. She is a terrible person.

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:16 PM
Response to Reply #8

13. I am scared about doing it.

He suffered from an eating disorder several years ago, and the folks just ignored him wasting away to nothingness. I was the only one who took action. I really care about him, but he acts as if I don't exist.

I am hesitant only because once the folks are gone, he is all I have left.

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raccoon

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Mon Jan-09-06 03:26 PM
Response to Reply #13

35. Here's a hug--hope I'm typing this correctly.

(((((malta blue))))))))

I have a niece who I have nothing to do with because she sends me (and others) mean, hateful, abusive, emails.

Interesting, she had an eating disorder too.

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cssmall

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:02 PM
Response to Original message

2. Sometimes I want to with my brother, but he's devoutly lib.

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:04 PM
Response to Reply #2

4. my brother has no soul...

He knows nothing except the best way to get a free ride in life.

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cssmall

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:05 PM
Response to Reply #4

5. My brother isn't like that at all.

He doesn't take the easy way and sometimes look for the hard way, but he's a very good guy. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that.

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:07 PM
Response to Reply #5

6. Thanks. It's going to be rough.

I have been in tears about it all day. The final straw is that he has asked his GF to marry him (this is good) but it turns out he "borrowed" a blank check from dad to pay for the 3 carat rock.

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cssmall

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:09 PM
Response to Reply #6

7. A fucking 3 carat rock with a blank check

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:09 PM
Response to Reply #7

9. you got it

and that is just the icing on the cake. He has a f.. up sense of entitlement.

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cssmall

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:18 PM
Response to Reply #9

16. Holy shit.

That's a really large sense of entitlement.

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raccoon

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Mon Jan-09-06 03:27 PM
Response to Reply #9

36. That's interesting....the niece I mentioned earlier has an

enormous sense of entitlement too.

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CaliforniaPeggy

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:12 PM
Response to Original message

10. Here are some hugs for my dear malta blue.......

And I have lots more where these came from, my dear! I know it's hard for you right now, but hopefully things will improve with this necessary change in your life.....

Cut him loose!

:grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug:

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:14 PM
Response to Reply #10

11. California Peggy

You always come through. Thanks so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate all your good thoughts.

BTW, I am hopefully heading to LA this summer on a little vacation...

:hug:

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CaliforniaPeggy

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:19 PM
Response to Reply #11

17. You ARE?

Well, hey! Come on by! PM me your details, and hopefully we can get together!

My husband is getting used to having DU'ers tramp through our house!

I am honored to be here for you.....

My sig line says it better than I can....

:loveya: :hug:

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:24 PM
Response to Reply #17

23. Yes I am...

My husband is originally from Whittier, and our mutual best friend lives out there, as well as his sis and g'ma, so we are hoping to pack up the little one and go for a SoCal visit this summer. I will surely PM you as the time draws closer.

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CaliforniaPeggy

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:32 PM
Response to Reply #23

29. That sounds great!

We will be taking a vacation as well, but right now, nothing is planned. I do hope we can connect....

:hi:

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:36 PM
Response to Reply #29

30. well, we should know pretty far in advance, so hopefully

we can connect and I can see those beautiful sunsets in person.
:loveya:

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jobycom

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:16 PM
Response to Original message

12. Hugs!

I had a sister and brother like that. The brother is passed, now (to the great relief of all humankind) but the sister remains.

Good luck. Any chance he's mentally ill, as opposed to lazy? I also have a mentally ill brother. (Damn Faulkner novel of a life!)

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:18 PM
Response to Reply #12

15. I can't even give him credit for that...

He is just lazy. He has a degree to be a pharmacist but has flunked the exam twice (probably because he was too hungover). He is a smart guy, but he thinks he is entitled to the world on a platter.

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Midlodemocrat

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:22 PM
Response to Reply #15

20. That sounds exactly like my husband's sister

her sense of entitlement is astonishing. Her parents left her the house, worth about $650,000 today, and my FIL lived there with her. He had a mild stroke, can't see all that well, or walk that well, and she actually choked him because she was sick of taking care of him.

This is a 55yo woman with no friends, a menial job that she says is overwhelming, no nothing, except the house and everything in it and she couldn't even treat her elderly father well.

Needless to say, he is living with us now.

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:26 PM
Response to Reply #20

24. That poor man.

It's inconceivable that anyone would treat a parent like that, after all, for the most part, they would give you the shirts off their back. But there does come a time where you should not take it. That is what gets me the most.

I hope your FIL is doing better.

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Midlodemocrat

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Mon Jan-09-06 03:12 PM
Response to Reply #24

33. He's doing very well, thanks.

His daughter is a complete POS who poisoned him for 16 years about me and what a POS I am, but even his added Alzheimer's mind can see that no one has been better to him in his life, than me. No shit. I wait on him hand and foot. I feel as though he deserves it at this point in his life.

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Callalily

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:17 PM
Response to Original message

14. No need to explain

I'm not close to my siblings, no big rift or anything, just not close. Here's a

though, you'll need it. Also sending you my guardian angel.

She's doing double duty right now, but she's been known to handle quite a load.
Good luck!

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:19 PM
Response to Reply #14

18. Thank you so much.

I wanted so badly to be close to him.

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Shell Beau

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:20 PM
Response to Original message

19. I am so sorry!

My brother was similar to that. He got kicked out of the military, he had a few DUI's, he wouldn't take responsibility for anything. He ended up dead. I guess we all knew it would happen to him sooner or later. My advice, if you want it, even if you cut your ties, remember that he is your brother and let him know that you do love him. I know each case is different and I don't know your situation, but I hope you can turn away from it with a peaceful heart! :hug:

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:22 PM
Response to Reply #19

21. I am torn up about it.

For all intents and purposes, he is a good guy. He's had one run-in with the law, my dad posted the 25k and paid all the legal fees. He got the slap on the wrist instead of the felony. I call him at least twice a week and in the last 3 months he has not returned a single call. I even called his GF to see if he was alive.

Sorry to hear about your brother Shell Beau. :hug:

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Shell Beau

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:30 PM
Response to Reply #21

27. I know what you mean. It starts to feel as though

it is pointless. But the way I think about things (and this is just me) is how will I feel when they are gone. Did I do what I could? I just don't ever want any regret. My mom and my brother had a huge fight and he left. He was completely at fault. He was living in the bars, no job, etc. And my mom told him to straighten up or get out. That was the last time they ever spoke (or saw each other) and she suffers every day because of it. Even though she did the right thing, that isn't what she thinks about.

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Shine

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:23 PM
Response to Original message

22. I'm sorry, malta blue.

:hug: to you.

Hang in there.

and remember, Everything Changes.....
this, too, shall pass....

Shine
:hi:

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:28 PM
Response to Reply #22

25. Thanks Shine

I know there will come a time when it does not hurt so badly, but it may be quite a while.

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donheld

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:29 PM
Response to Original message

26. Best of luck to you

:hug:

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:31 PM
Response to Reply #26

28. Thanks for the good wishes

It's really going to suck.

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Lochloosa

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:43 PM
Response to Original message

31. I did the same with my older brother 10 years ago.

Had not heard from him since. Guess who called right after Christmas, looking for a place to stay. That conversation lasted about 2 mins.
It's not easy, but sometimes it's the only way. Good Luck.

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malta blue

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Mon Jan-09-06 02:45 PM
Response to Reply #31

32. I can't een imagine what I am going to say.

I eliminated my favorite aunt from my life after my grandmother (her mom) dies, but she made it so damned easy. I don't even know when he will pick up the phone for me to do it.

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Lochloosa

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Mon Jan-09-06 03:16 PM
Response to Reply #32

34. Just be honest with him and yourself.

yourself is the hard part.

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NaturalHigh

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Mon Jan-09-06 05:40 PM
Response to Original message

37. Try not to think of it as forever.

The 30s are a time of change for most of us. Maybe he'll mature soon. I know that I'm an entirely different man at 35 than I was at 30.

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malta blue

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Tue Jan-10-06 09:16 AM
Response to Reply #37

38. That's good to know NaturalHigh.

I suppose I have changed throughout my 30s as well. Since he is now engaged to be married, perhaps that will make him more mature too. Thanks for your good insight.

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Mutley

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Tue Jan-10-06 09:17 AM
Response to Original message

39. You do what you feel is best for you.

We're all here for you. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

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malta blue

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Tue Jan-10-06 09:18 AM
Response to Reply #39

40. Thanks so much

It is a great comfort to know that the DU community is full of great, understanding people.

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