I need help with an apology...

Okay, here's my situation. I work in an office with all artists. So naturally, nearly everyone I work with is super liberal (thank maud). Well, except for one woman. It's so strange too because she's really nice, arty, funny, smart. Her husband is an artist too. She went to RISD, which is a very liberal school. She lives in a very progressive suburb. Her brother (to whom she's very close) is gay and has adopted a child with his partner. Basically, you'd NEVER guess in a million years but she voted for Bu$hCo, both times. I'm telling you it totally boggles the mind.

Anyway, she's generally used to us bashing Bu$hCo because, well, she's surrounded by liberals. And she's a good sport about it. She doesn't go around with a "W" pin or anything and she doesn't say anything when we go off. I'm pretty sure most people don't even know she's "one of them". Which is cool because I'm not afraid to say how much loathe Bush.

Yesterday, however, I went too far and I feel bad.

Another officemate and I were discussing Walmart and she was talking about how weird it is that, even though word has really gotten out about how suck-ass Walmart is, they still had tons of people applying for jobs there. A new Walmart opened up in one of the suburbs around here and something like 20,000 people applied for 300 jobs. My coworker asked me "How do you explain that?" to which I responded "People are stupid. That shouldn't be news to you. Look who our president is."

So, completely forgetting that my Republican coworker was sitting right there (you have to understand just how easy it is to forget she is, it would be like finding out that George Clooney is a Republican), I basically implied that anyone who voted for Bu$hCo is stupid. And she got really mad at me. I feebly apologized but there was no taking it back. It was a really mean thing to say because I certainly don't think she's stupid, it's just that she's NOTHING like any other Bu$hCo-ite I've ever known.

So I want to talk to her again on Monday and really tell her how sorry I am. I don't want to pretend that I think she and I just have a difference of opinion, like preferring orange juice over apple. Because the fact of the matter is that I firmly believe she made a choice that has put our entire planet in danger. I want to acknowledge that, while I cannot begin to understand her choice, I do not in any way thing she is stupid. And that my comment was, in itself, stupid. Actually my comment stooped to the kind of generalizations that Republicans are so fond of making, ironic eh?

So can anyone offer any assistance? Please, if you're going to say something like "fuck her, she IS stupid for voting for Bu$hCo" don't bother responding. Despite this, she is my friend and I like her very much and it was rude of me to say. Thank you all so much.

"Because the fact of the matter is that I firmly believe she made a choice that has put our entire planet in danger. I want to acknowledge that, while I cannot begin to understand her choice, I do not in any way thing she is stupid"

Tell her how hard it is for you to understand why such an intelligent person could vote for Bush.

It kinda sounds like when some people "apologize" for offending someone by saying "I'm sorry that you were offended by what I said."

"I'm sorry that I said you were stupid. I don't think you are stupid. Just selfish, or thoughless or whatever it was that made you do something that put the whole planet at risk."

I think you have two options:

1) leave it alone and hope it passes
2) say something like, "I'm sorry I offended you the other day. You know I have problems with bush, but of course I don't think you're stupid and I shouldn't have implied that all bush voters are."

Hopefully, with the second option, she'll let it drop. If she gets into it and you have to explain that you think she is an active supporter of the ruination of the Earth, it is going to get worse.

I didn't want to make it an opportunity to "educate" her. If she wants to know more, she'll ask me. I'm not at all subtle in my distaste for Bu$hCo.

and that you will work harder on thinking before you speak as you would not have ever set out to intentionally offend her. Let her know you appreciate her talent and her. Then tell her, if anything, she makes you realize that not all people who voted for Bush are stupid.

That's a good plan. Anyone else?

But I would make the additional comment that it's always a good idea to avoid the subject of politics at work - which is sometimes admittedly hard but almost always smart.

my office it's truly a liberal haven except for a few people. And, frankly, I don't mind if they feel a little uncomfortable about their choices. I refuse to stop insulting Bu$hCo just because they're around, but I do try not to insult them directly.

Identify your feelings and make a simple apology.

It looks like you were trying to be witty and that you never meant to insult her. If I were in your position, I'd say something like, "Yesterday I made a snap comment and I really didn't mean to insult you. I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings."

I'd caution against overly lawyerly answers, but would keep it simple to avoid having to lie (i.e. Bush voters didn't do something terrible) or further insult your coworker.

Thanks.

"This was one of those times. You're my friend and I'm sorry if I've hurt you".

I've said INFINITITELY worse than you and my friend still forgave me. Good luck. :hug:

You're answer was great and so was the hug! :hi:

but your comment was "look who our president is"

even as a two time dupe she surely doesn't still support Bush at this late date?

given that what is her problem. its time she owned up to the fact that she WAS stupid, maybe?

EDIT: basically you need to consider a polite and diplomatic way to say Tough Shit. She sure doesn't have a problem taking that attitude toward all the people BushCo has actively fucked over, does she?

just sayin'


but really...keep it short and sweet


this has worked for me in the past:


I am the biggest dumbass can you ever forgive me?



and don't forget the chocolate chip cookies (homemade is BEST)

cookies are a great way to make someone like you again! :)

because they're desperate, because bushyboy and them have destroyed the US economy?

I think that's what you really meant to say anyway.

Other than that, just say you didn't mean to offend her.

Best I can offer.


Redstone

It was a stupid comment all the way around.

read what you just typed

So I want to talk to her again on Monday and really tell her how sorry I am. I don't want to pretend that I think she and I just have a difference of opinion, like preferring orange juice over apple. Because the fact of the matter is that I firmly believe she made a choice that has put our entire planet in danger. I want to acknowledge that, while I cannot begin to understand her choice, I do not in any way thing she is stupid. And that my comment was, in itself, stupid. Actually my comment stooped to the kind of generalizations that Republicans are so fond of making, ironic eh?



upon reading your letter i make this observation --

you don't believe she is stupid

you believe she is evil

and you want us to tell you a nice way of explaining to her that she is evil and you really respect her intelligence even tho her actions are killing the planet?

i have a suggestion

don't fuckin apologize to evil people just because they are smarter and better at manipulating the emotions and makin you feel guilty than non-evil people are

ignore her or keep her at a professional distance

if you TRULY believe her vote harmed all, you are v. wrong to apologize and kiss her butt! you harm all of us by kissing her ass

this lady can go to hell, what are you really apoligizing for? being honest?

you are being colonized by this lady

your mind is being warped, you're on a slippery slope, my friend, smell the flowers now because the quicksand is about to choke you to death

I DON'T believe she's stupid. I believe she's ignorant and I believe she's scared. Her ignorance and fear made her vote the way she did. I certainly can't blame someone for that. I'm certainly not perfect. I also think she may soon see the error in her ways. But since she hasn't asked me for help, I'm not one to evangelize. If she comes to me and wants to discuss why I think Bu$hCo is so harmful, I'll be happy to educated her. Until then, I do in fact consider her a good person with bad judgment.

Wow, that is a really, really harsh response and I just don't see myself reacting that way to a fellow human being unless they really did something that was willfully mean-spirited and selfish.

Just say it, with no qualifiers (like: I'm sorry, but Bush makes me so mad!). Just say you are sorry you did what you did, and let it go.

Reading your story made me so curious though: What reason does this woman give for supporting Bush?

She doesn't say why she supports Bu$hCo and I don't get into it with her. I know she is from a military family and she is Catholic. Lots of people with military and religious backgrounds do carry a very misguided view that the GOP is more supportive of "the troops" and of "god-fearing folks" but I don't know for sure what her reasons are. There has been a lot of speculation in my office amongst all of us who know and we continue to be baffled by it. I've truly never met anyone who more embodies the antithesis of what you'd expect a Bush voter to be.

swallow our pride, step up, and do what is right. Go to her and say, "I'd like to apologize again about the remark I made about people who voted for Bush. I really didn't mean to imply that you are stupid, because you are not. I was generalizing and I really didn't mean to offend you. I hope you will forgive me." Then let it go and get on with you life.

sig line. That is so true.

I will keep it simple and apologize for the generalization. That is the best plan.

To those of you who apparently didn't read this part...

"Please, if you're going to say something like "fuck her, she IS stupid for voting for Bu$hCo" don't bother responding. Despite this, she is my friend and I like her very much and it was rude of me to say."

...I am sorry I have offended you by apologizing to such an awful person. I just don't see the point in treating others the way freepers treat us. Making that generalization was mean, and I'm not a mean person. So sue me.

She said I was sweet to worry about it and that she knew I didn't mean she was stupid. Thanks for your help everyone. You helped me say the perfect thing. :hi: