A Very Special(tm) Valentines Day(tm) 7-11j questions about love

1. Define a metope

2. You can go out to dinner with a hungover, liquor-stinky and whiskey-angry Pete Rose/Paris Hilton or a cocaine-hepped speach-slurring incoherent Duante Culpepper/Whitney Houston. Which do you choose, and why?

3. At the end of Terminator 2, when the Arnold Terminator kills himself in the vat of molten metal, did you cry? Why or why not?

4. Fuzzy warm slippers or a book of ribald poetry?

5. If you were made tyrant emperor of the world, with absolute authority, what would be your first act of injustice?

6. When and under what circumstances was your very first kiss?

7. You cannot use the metric or the english system of measurement, but you are asked to measure the distance from NYC to Wilford Brimley's latest desert scat. With what unit of measure do you do this, and why do you choose it?

8. What is your favorite erotic (non-pornographic) movie?

9. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie?

10. What is your favorite romantic non-comedy movie?

11. Your ideal Valentine's Day dinner menu?

1. Define a metope

I remember it from Art History class due to its pronounciation (met-eh-pee) but no idea what is other than some ridiculous name for some artsy-fartsy decor from antiquity.

2. You can go out to dinner with a hungover, liquor-stinky and whiskey-angry Pete Rose/Paris Hilton or a cocaine-hepped speach-slurring incoherent Duante Culpepper/Whitney Houston. Which do you choose, and why?

Whitney since I imagine Paris' mouth would be awful dry...

3. At the end of Terminator 2, when the Arnold Terminator kills himself in the vat of molten metal, did you cry? Why or why not?

Hadn't they already established the fact that there were a billion more Arnold model Terminators available for use in future movies? If I did cry it was probably at the prospect that there might be a Terminator III

4. Fuzzy warm slippers or a book of ribald poetry?

Warm, fuzzy ribald poetry

5. If you were made tyrant emperor of the world, with absolute authority, what would be your first act of injustice?

Trick question since there would indisputably be some sort of cosmic correction to smite me down before I ever got to issue any tyrannical edicts. Staring the universe eye to eye and thinking you are on equal footing is the fastest way to get booted out on your ass in the cold I've found.

6. When and under what circumstances was your very first kiss?

Nothing to memorable although I recall that Young Guns II was on the TV

7. You cannot use the metric or the english system of measurement, but you are asked to measure the distance from NYC to Wilford Brimley's latest desert scat. With what unit of measure do you do this, and why do you choose it?

Hyperbole.

8., 9.,10. Movie questions

...

11. Your ideal Valentine's Day dinner menu?

My Valentine

1. Define a metope

- A metope is an archaic architectural device where, for some reason, perverts were allowed to inflict their bizarre fantasies on an unsuspecting public. To wit:



2. You can go out to dinner with a hungover, liquor-stinky and whiskey-angry Pete Rose/Paris Hilton or a cocaine-hepped speach-slurring incoherent Duante Culpepper/Whitney Houston. Which do you choose, and why?

- Wait, is that both Pete Rose & Paris Hilton? And/or Daunte Culpeper & Whitney Houston? Well, I suppose it doesn't make a difference. I choose to delay my decision until I have time to club myself over the head with a gin-soaked salmon, so that I feel closer to the mental state of any of these people.



3. At the end of Terminator 2, when the Arnold Terminator kills himself in the vat of molten metal, did you cry? Why or why not?

- Yes, because I accidentally bit my lip at that very moment.

4. Fuzzy warm slippers or a book of ribald poetry?

- Sure!

5. If you were made tyrant emperor of the world, with absolute authority, what would be your first act of injustice?

- Buy everyone on the earth a round of drinks...but they only get rail whiskey.

6. When and under what circumstances was your very first kiss?

- 1984, in a game of truth or dare with the girl who lived down the street.

7. You cannot use the metric or the english system of measurement, but you are asked to measure the distance from NYC to Wilford Brimley's latest desert scat. With what unit of measure do you do this, and why do you choose it?

- Cubits. Because that reminds me of Noah's Ark, which reminds me of animals, which reminds me that Wilford Brimley is a complete tool.


8. What is your favorite erotic (non-pornographic) movie?

- The Wild Bunch

9. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie?

- They Live

10. What is your favorite romantic non-comedy movie?

- The Road Warrior

11. Your ideal Valentine's Day dinner menu?

- Veggie spring rolls, Pad Thai, and a nice bottle of wine.

1. Define a metope

What Mrs. McLargehuge hears when she asks who is in the bathroom and why.

2. You can go out to dinner with a hungover, liquor-stinky and whiskey-angry Pete Rose/Paris Hilton or a cocaine-hepped speach-slurring incoherent Duante Culpepper/Whitney Houston. Which do you choose, and why?

Pete Rose, naturally. So I can watchin him start a massive John Ford western style bar brawl because his Filet Mignon wasn't cooked to perfection, and in retaliation is gropes the trainee waitress who spills her precariously balanced tray of Strawberry Margaritas into the lap of Jet Li and his entourage of Hong Kong gangsters.

3. At the end of Terminator 2, when the Arnold Terminator kills himself in the vat of molten metal, did you cry? Why or why not?

Didn't cry. Didn't cry when my last toaster broke either.

4. Fuzzy warm slippers or a book of ribald poetry?

Book. Why? Fuck slippers, that's why.

5. If you were made tyrant emperor of the world, with absolute authority, what would be your first act of injustice?

Establishment of a personal harem that numbers in the dozens.

6. When and under what circumstances was your very first kiss?

Hiding in the dog house with a friend's sister during a game of Hide and Seek.

7. You cannot use the metric or the english system of measurement, but you are asked to measure the distance from NYC to Wilford Brimley's latest desert scat. With what unit of measure do you do this, and why do you choose it?

Cubit. I carry two cubit measures with me at all times, just in case.

8. What is your favorite erotic (non-pornographic) movie?

Secretary

9. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie?

Road House

10. What is your favorite romantic non-comedy movie?

The Whole Wild World

11. Your ideal Valentine's Day dinner menu?

Portuguese Roast Octopus and potatoes. Bottle of Portuguese red table wine to wash it down. Flan pudding. Maciera to finish.

1. Define a metope

Besides the architectural reference, Metope was a river nymph in greek mythology. The daughter of the river Ladon.

2. You can go out to dinner with a hungover, liquor-stinky and whiskey-angry Pete Rose/Paris Hilton or a cocaine-hepped speach-slurring incoherent Duante Culpepper/Whitney Houston. Which do you choose, and why?

Paris Hilton. I need to test the camera inbuilt in my cell phone, and I think the pics I take will pay for the dinner, since Paris Hilton just leaves bills behind her. Check out the 'National Enquirer' for updates.

3. At the end of Terminator 2, when the Arnold Terminator kills himself in the vat of molten metal, did you cry? Why or why not?

I did not. My vacuum cleaner has more fuzzy logic than he did.

4. Fuzzy warm slippers or a book of ribald poetry?

Fuzzy warm slippers, to be honest. More comforting.

5. If you were made tyrant emperor of the world, with absolute authority, what would be your first act of injustice?

Signing the law to 'Leave all Halliburton behind.' It would seem to be injustice to some.

6. When and under what circumstances was your very first kiss?

At the beach here, at age 3, with a gypsy girl who's name I never knew. We ate chips out of a bucket full of sand, and there it happened. First kiss.

7. You cannot use the metric or the english system of measurement, but you are asked to measure the distance from NYC to Wilford Brimley's latest desert scat. With what unit of measure do you do this, and why do you choose it?

Kangaroo loops. Because I think it's pretty accurate and should be common knowledge. The exact distance in kangaroo loops is 463,829 kl/h.

8. What is your favorite erotic (non-pornographic) movie?

Exotica, 1994, by Atom Egoyan. The piano, 1993, by Jane Campion.

9. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie?

Some Like It Hot, 1959, Billy Wilder. Irma La Douce, 1963, Billy Wilder again.

10. What is your favorite romantic non-comedy movie?

The English Patient, 1996, by Anthony Minghella. Dr. Zhivago, 1965, by David Lean (the concept, the concept!)

11. Your ideal Valentine's Day dinner menu?

Since we don't have Valentine's day here, we had cheeseburgers and french fries today.

1. Define a metope

Multiple choice:

a) During the consumption of an entire 6 pack of IPA, it's the space in time between losing the lease on beers 1-3 and beers 4-6.

b) It's an architectural term referring to the spaces between glyphs on a Doric Freize.

c) Whatever lies between and



2. You can go out to dinner with a hungover, liquor-stinky and whiskey-angry Pete Rose/Paris Hilton or a cocaine-hepped speach-slurring incoherent Duante Culpepper/Whitney Houston. Which do you choose, and why?

Definitely the cocaine-hepped. The liquored up are more likely to consume their dinner, then yark it up in a boozy haze. I consider that a waste of a damn fine dinner. The cocaine-hepped on the other hand won't even eat dinner. So I can put the contents of my companions plate in a ToGo box and use it to bribe one of my techs to work through lunch the next day; thereby freeing me up to leave early and go to dinner with someone I actually like.

3. At the end of Terminator 2, when the Arnold Terminator kills himself in the vat of molten metal, did you cry? Why or why not?

Of course I cried. I bet my brother 40 bucks that Arnold would come out of the vat as a giant, cyber-anvil. I hate to lose that many lattes.

4. Fuzzy warm slippers or a book of ribald poetry?

If we're talking about keeping my feet warm: brevity, which is the soul of lingerie and a 'Comehither' look.

5. If you were made tyrant emperor of the world, with absolute authority, what would be your first act of injustice?

Rounding up all the eaters of Beefaroni and fans of Thomas Kinkade and their ilk and forcing them to live on the newly formed continent of the mediocre.

6. When and under what circumstances was your very first kiss?
Ahhh, Bobby N. off the back pantry of his father's cafe in North Beach.

7. You cannot use the metric or the english system of measurement, but you are asked to measure the distance from NYC to Wilford Brimley's latest desert scat. With what unit of measure do you do this, and why do you choose it?

Cubits. If they're good enough for God, they're good enough for me. P.S. - What's a cubit?

8. What is your favorite erotic (non-pornographic) movie?

A Charlie Brown Christmas

9. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie?

Predator

10. What is your favorite romantic non-comedy movie?

Karate Kommandos

11. Your ideal Valentine's Day dinner menu?

Avocado Mousse with Crab on a Green Salad with Creamy Chive Dressing
Seared Ahi with Macadamia Nut and Saffron Rissotto Cakes and a Wasabi Nage
Roasted Nectarine Custard Cake, Nectarine Carpaccio and Warm Bing Cherry Compote

...The appetizer, Intermezzo, and After Dinner Drinks all involve a nekkid man.

Wilford Brimley?

:P

I love the continent of the mediocre. I especially that you didn't even give them the honor of capitalization.

:loveya:

I'm swooning.

1. Define a metope

It starts with 'me' and that's where my interest starts to wane.

2. You can go out to dinner with a hungover, liquor-stinky and whiskey-angry Pete Rose/Paris Hilton or a cocaine-hepped speach-slurring incoherent Duante Culpepper/Whitney Houston. Which do you choose, and why?

Pete Rose, I could bet him he couldn't bag Paris Hilton before midnight. Either I win my bet, or videotape it and make millions.

3. At the end of Terminator 2, when the Arnold Terminator kills himself in the vat of molten metal, did you cry? Why or why not?

He didn't die, he was just doing his impersonation of an AMD Athlon chip, but nobody got it so he stayed down there in embarrasment.

4. Fuzzy warm slippers or a book of ribald poetry?

Well, if she's wearing heels I suppose I could stand on the book of poetry so the important bits will line up again.

5. If you were made tyrant emperor of the world, with absolute authority, what would be your first act of injustice?

First, I'd have Donald Trump working the door at his own building. Without his wig. Second, well that's between me and someone else.

6. When and under what circumstances was your very first kiss?

Kate Z., a wonderful girl who I had a massive crush on gave me a peck on the cheek from out of nowhere at a dance I was really not enjoying until that moment.

7. You cannot use the metric or the english system of measurement, but you are asked to measure the distance from NYC to Wilford Brimley's latest desert scat. With what unit of measure do you do this, and why do you choose it?

As Tyrant Emporer of the World with Absolute Authority, I would promote Wilford Brimley to Enforcer 2nd Class, it's the role he's been waiting for his entire life.

8. What is your favorite erotic (non-pornographic) movie?

This question confuses and annoys me.

9. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie?

Death Race 2000

10. What is your favorite romantic non-comedy movie?

Starship Troopers

11. Your ideal Valentine's Day dinner menu?

Taco.

Your girlfriend is right above you.:D

1. Define a metope

An Irishman's hairpiece ("that's me tope, there boyo")

2. You can go out to dinner with a hungover, liquor-stinky and whiskey-angry Pete Rose/Paris Hilton or a cocaine-hepped speach-slurring incoherent Duante Culpepper/Whitney Houston. Which do you choose, and why?

Choice number 2 because they won't eat much and they're so messed up they might pay the bill.

3. At the end of Terminator 2, when the Arnold Terminator kills himself in the vat of molten metal, did you cry? Why or why not?

Yes. I was so happy, I couldn't help it.

4. Fuzzy warm slippers or a book of ribald poetry?

Right now, slippers.

5. If you were made tyrant emperor of the world, with absolute authority, what would be your first act of injustice?

I'd forget Poland.

6. When and under what circumstances was your very first kiss?

In the coatroom in kindergarten but I can't remember the boy's name.

7. You cannot use the metric or the english system of measurement, but you are asked to measure the distance from NYC to Wilford Brimley's latest desert scat. With what unit of measure do you do this, and why do you choose it?

I'd use my baseball bat because I always have it in the car. I'm not sure how many bats are in a mile, though.

8. What is your favorite erotic (non-pornographic) movie?

I can't think of any. :dunce:

9. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie?

13 Going On 30 - I think Jennifer Garner's a doll.

10. What is your favorite romantic non-comedy movie?

I'm not really into romantic. I like war movies. :shrug:

11. Your ideal Valentine's Day dinner menu?

Champagne and some kind of food.

1. Define a metope
okay, well... i'll try on the others.

2. You can go out to dinner with a hungover, liquor-stinky and whiskey-angry Pete Rose/Paris Hilton or a cocaine-hepped speach-slurring incoherent Duante Culpepper/Whitney Houston. Which do you choose, and why?
incoherent duante culpepper... easier to get away later

3. At the end of Terminator 2, when the Arnold Terminator kills himself in the vat of molten metal, did you cry? Why or why not?
no... because it just didn't seem sad

4. Fuzzy warm slippers or a book of ribald poetry?
ribald poetry

5. If you were made tyrant emperor of the world, with absolute authority, what would be your first act of injustice?
making it illegal to breed without a license

6. When and under what circumstances was your very first kiss?
fourth grade, i think... some guys dared this guy to do it (i was an ugly duckling)... still have a complex over that

7. You cannot use the metric or the english system of measurement, but you are asked to measure the distance from NYC to Wilford Brimley's latest desert scat. With what unit of measure do you do this, and why do you choose it?
um... what?

8. What is your favorite erotic (non-pornographic) movie?
chocolat

9. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie?
pass

10. What is your favorite romantic non-comedy movie?
pass

11. Your ideal Valentine's Day dinner menu?
*sigh*

there are ALOT of shy girls who would kill to have had their first kiss in 4th grade, even if it wasn't under the circumstances you would wish for

I know girls who are in college who've pecked a guy maybe once or twice in their life

1. Define a metope

Sod off, fuckwipe. I'm not here to be quizzed.

2. You can go out to dinner with a hungover, liquor-stinky and whiskey-angry Pete Rose/Paris Hilton or a cocaine-hepped speach-slurring incoherent Duante Culpepper/Whitney Houston. Which do you choose, and why?

I'll take the Whitney option - she won't eat much, and will likely move on to the next guy/coke provider pretty quickly, leaving me alone.

3. At the end of Terminator 2, when the Arnold Terminator kills himself in the vat of molten metal, did you cry? Why or why not?

I did cry. I thought it was a very sad and human moment, when he sacrificed himself.

4. Fuzzy warm slippers or a book of ribald poetry?

Slippers. I can write my own poetry, I can't make my own slippers.

5. If you were made tyrant emperor of the world, with absolute authority, what would be your first act of injustice?

The immediate genocide of most ignorant people; perhaps the bottom 80% or so of the world's population. The next 5% i would keep alive to continue working in the coal mines, factories, and other shit jobs that the willfully ignorant should be punished by being forced to do.

6. When and under what circumstances was your very first kiss?

I truly do not remember - I think it might have been in the car on the way to the Wisconsin Dells ski show when I was maybe 6 or 7, when I pecked a cute girl, can't remember her name or how old she was, on the cheek. But my first kiss might have been earlier.

7. You cannot use the metric or the english system of measurement, but you are asked to measure the distance from NYC to Wilford Brimley's latest desert scat. With what unit of measure do you do this, and why do you choose it?

Sea Urchins

8. What is your favorite erotic (non-pornographic) movie?

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer


9. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie?

It was an Audrey Hepburn/Cary Grant movie, in which he was a writer and she comes on to be his secretary. Can't remember the name, but I loved it.

10. What is your favorite romantic non-comedy movie?

Casablanca

11. Your ideal Valentine's Day dinner menu?

Any meal with my sweetie. Though I'd like it to include champagne, lobster, oysters, a great steak, shrimp, foie gras, and caviar

argued over what constitutes a metope.



Fourth Miner: Hey, gaffer, can you settle something? Morgan here says you find the abacus between the triglyphs in the frieze section of the entablature of classical Greek Doric temples.

Foreman: You bloody fool, Morgan, that's the metope. The abacus is between the architrave and the aechinus in the capital.

Morgan: You stinking liar!

(Another fight breaks out. A management man arrives carried in sedan chair by two black flunkies. He wears a colonial governor's helmet and a large sign reading frightfully important. All the miners prostrate themselves on the floor.)

Foreman: Oh, most magnificent and merciful majesty, master of the universe, protector of the meek, whose nose we are not worthy to pick and whose very faeces are an untrammelled delight, and whose peacocks keep us awake all hours of the night with their noisy lovemaking, we beseech thee, tell thy humble servants the name of the section between the triglyphs in the frieze section of a classical Doric entablature.

Management Man: No idea. Sorry.

Foreman: Right. Everybody out.

(They all walk off throwing down took. Cut to a newsreader's desk.)

Newsreader: Still no settlement in the coal mine dispute at Llanddarog. Miners refused to return to work until the management define a metope.

:-)

I'm glad someone got the metope joke!