What makes nutcases nutcases?

You read the post the other day about my sister's nutso ex. I heard some other stuff about him today...he waited outside a house she was at for a while in his car..he followed her around...he kept phoning.

What makes a person that obsessed and what makes them not able to understand what is and isn't appropriate behaviour. What are they trying to accomplish?

nothing more needs to be said.

Their parents failed to teach them BASIC morals

Many people were raised by very dysfunctional families/parents. This doesn't excuse behavior, but it certainly can point to a reason for it. I think that the world would be shocked at the number of people who were raised in a household that signifigantly affected their ability to function in a "normal" capacity. your childhood is the window through which you see the world.

You can't blame the parents for everything that happens with their adult children. The guy may be on drugs or he could be bi-polar. Background could be a cause too, but to just blame it on parents not teaching kids morals is making a basic assumption about something that you don't have the facts on.

nt

They are normal people,than bam. Surely they know that this won't get the person back.

SHe said "do you really think this is changin my mind"..then hung up. EIther way he's not allowed anymore dircet or indirect contact with her now...hehe

has control freak issues, which is not that unusual for many men who believe that everyone in their orbit should behave as they expect them to. When the spouse, child, dog or whatever the entity, doesn't cooperate, they get crazy.

I don't understand how someone can be so daft

which is the reason so many of us have a problem with Bush and the Republicans in general.

that's what makes them nuts...


In all seriousness there are so many reasons... some are actual physical reasons like mental illness...others can be traced back to being raised by people with no social skills...

I had a friend who was spoiled beyond comprehension by her parents, it turned her into the most obnoxious self-centered person and it made her so unbearable to be around...about the time I cut her loose she kept lamenting how many people didn't bother with her anymore...and she kept asking me what was wrong with them....completely oblivious....perhaps she will figure it....but I recall she could become stalker like when she wanted something...it was really creepy.

but he's definitely dangerous. He could be a sociopath or a psychopath, and he's stalking your sister. Please take this very seriously. Can you say, "restraining order"?

If he so much as phones her again he is gonna be dragged up to a secluded place and beaten! (I hope)

and read that. It's wise to create a record. If I were your sister, I'd do whatever the cops said, let my machine take all the calls, and save the messages. She should avoid engaging him in any way, and so should friends and family. Seriously, if he's a sociopath or psychopath or even just a narcissist, you don't want to challenge him. You can't guess what he will or will not do.

I know something about this, having lived with someone I believe to be a full-on psychopath for 2 years. I didn't learn about personality disorders until after he was gone, and then it was like, "Oh, that's what was the matter with him!" I'm lucky to be here to tell you about it. It wouldn't surprise me at all to see him on the news one day and learn he's also a serial killer. I was fortunate in that when I finally managed to remove him from the premises - which was no easy thing - he left me alone. They either discard you and move on, or they harass you. In that case, any kind of attention is confirmation of their desirability and your lack of resolve. They see others as mindless pawns in a game they control. No matter what you do, they think they won and come back for another round. Normal people rules don't apply to them. So it's best to just quit. Forget about closure.

I think this kind of behavior is all about control. This guy can't stand the fact that he's not in control of her anymore (if he really ever was) and so he is in effect trying to control her life by stalking her. He needs some serious counseling. Odds are he's done this before, and will probably do so again. I hope you all can get through to him that he needs to stop this behavior.

Good luck!

have a bit of a disconnect to reality. For them really good things happen only because they 'make' them happen (manipulate.) For them good things like enjoyable evenings... dont "just occur"... they have to be created and managed. In normal settings it may not be so obvious that they are operating on this level - as the manipulations can be quite innocuous - but the underlying behavior belies a slightly warped belief system of how and why things happen in life. It doesn't show up that much, until they really want something from someone - or someone they are involved with is no longer manipulable (can be small things... like 'creating that special dinner/moment' to deciding which movie to go to ... to very big things). But this is when the behaviors can begin to show - as they become more openly manipulative in order to try to create the "endings" that they desire.

When that happens - they tend to think that they are in a big chess game and if they make the right moves this desirable outcome will happen. At this point the disconnect from reality grows real strong - they can no longer read the chess board - but they assume that they can. So they start assuming that if they do x (make a phone call creating some drama) that the other person will of course do y - except now all they can see is their DESIRED outcome - but they see it as absolute reality. They grow less competent in the manipulation because they go further and futher off the deep end in there actions - but each time thinking they are rational and that the rational (in their delusion) reaction will play out to the desired end. Of course when in this cycle it only spirals negatively.

But here is the rub - because they have created an almost alternate reality in their heads around the scenarios they create and try to manipulate, when things don't go as planned it is never their fault. They have it scripted (it is just they have a really warped plan in the sense that they can no longer 'see' the real chess board only the one they have created with what they see as having one predicted outcome to each of their chosen/scripted moves) - so it must not be THEIR fault... it MUST be the other persons fault. Now comes the full scale projection... where oddly enough the motivations/actions/etc. that they have - they project on to the other negatively as being WHY things aren't working. The projection can become very volatile.

Or so is salin's assessment - fortunately mostly experienced as an observer - or at the very innocuous stage of the games.