Somebody give me some good news please.

Or a joke. Or something.

Today was an extremely crappy day, and tomorrow isn't shaping up to be any better. Hell, I just might end up getting fired because the paper towels in my lab ran out on a day I wasn't even at work, so I could really use a morale boost.

Also, I've got a good joke about daquiris (or however it's spelled) if you haven't heard it.

It can't hurt, eh?

Because she sat on Pinocchios face and said "LIE TO ME, LIE TO ME!!!"

There's a knock at the door. A guy opens the door and there is a snail on the front porch. The guy picks the snail up and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, another knock on the door. The guy opens the door. The snail is on the porch and says, "what was that all about?"

At last count, THERE ARE AT LEAST ONE BILLION PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET WORSE OFF THAN YOU. Make every effort to make that two billion.

yesterday. Where were you to comfort me you bastard! :P

Just playin'...

Seriously though..

Or not so seriously. :P

From: http://www.thehumorarchives.com/

Computer Virus

LEWINSKY VIRUS
sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

MIKE TYSON VIRUS
quits after one byte

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
your 300mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100mb and then slowly expands to 200mb.

DR. JACK KEVORKAIN VIRUS
deletes all old files.

TITANIC VIRUS
your whole computer goes down.

DISNEY VIRUS
everything in your computer goes goofy

PROZAC VIRUS
screws up your ram, but your processor doesn't care.

JOEY BUTTAFUCCO VIRUS
only attacks minor files

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS
terminates some files, leaves, but it'll be back.

LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS
turns your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy.

VIAGRA VIRUS
turns your 3.5 inch floppy into a hard drive

No, that jokes not dated. Nope.

:P

It's still funny. You know you smiled. And if not... I will destroy you!

But the threat of destruction produced a nice grin.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Or we'll get accused of belong to a clique.

Repuke funny business in Colorado...:bounce:

From ABCNEWS.com

DENVER Dec. 1 — The Colorado Supreme Court threw out a GOP redistricting plan Monday in favor of one more beneficial to the Democrats, making it clear the state can redraw its congressional map only once per decade.

Hope your week gets better. :hi:

edited for double vision. :D

The response was something like "well, you are responsible for that lab". My response of "but housekeeping is responsible for the trashcans and the papertowels" didn't go over very well.

I have a feeling that, since this was the second day of this particular fiasco, that this will come up in the weekly staff meeting tomorrow. I'm thinking I am going to have to work hard at not becoming extremely unprofessional.

even if you are right. I try figuring out a solution a solution so when they are dwelling on or rehashing a problem, you can switch the subject to a solution and steer things in a more positive direction.

I hope things go better for you tomorrow. :hi:

I hope so too.

So, why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So, they can hide in cherry trees.

Now, why do giant yellow canaries wear tennis shoes?


Are you ready?


So they can sneak up on the elephants hiding in cherry trees.


:D Come on now, just a little smile.

I just had a call from the girl child about her very bad day at work. It's OK sweetheart, don't let the uhh... dorky guys get you down.

:hug:

Why shouldn't you go in the jungle between 1 and 2 pm?
Because that's when the elephants are jumping outta the trees.

Why does the beaver have a flat tail?

*wait for it*...
Becuase he went in the jungle between 1 and 2.

Feel better honey. :hug:

I think it's at least applicable, if not necessarily allowed.

Stamping out forest fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

Stamping out flaming ducks.

K-ching!

Do this and you'll *kill*.

Sit some place with a newspaper and say, "I just read that the
first sign of mental retardation is hair on the knuckles."

Then wait. Someone will check their fingers. Trust me.

Then casually say, "The second sign is looking for it."

K-ching!

Hugs, honey,

RV

Here come four elephants over hill.

Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

:shrug:

Definately something to look forward to.

They went to a marriage counselor, Mickey first, then Minnie. The counselor says "Mickey you have no grounds for divorce, Minnie is not crazy." Mickey says, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy."

That always seems to make you happy. :evilgrin: (NSMA just doing her part to restore harmony to DP's shitty day)

...but it would definately restore balance and normalcy.

Now if we can just get someoen to wade into the whole Texas mess. THat one was an out of cycle thing wasn't it?

was out of cycle.

The repubs kept redistricting from passing in the 2001 legislative session so the courts did it. Well, actually a committe run by a rethug - David Dewhurst - drew the lines and the court, composed of a majority of rethug appointees, approved them.

Anyone who tells you the lines drawn in 2001 don't favor rethugs is lying. They just run crappy candidates and the Dems beat them.

This is my issue. This is the thing that made me mad enough to go down and make a nuisance of myself at the legislature.

is full of goodies (back on page two now, i think). enjoy!