Whitehouse.org: "Bush grants India lucrative contract for outsourcing..."

PRESIDENT BUSH GRANTS INDIA LUCRATIVE CONTRACT FOR OUTSOURCING OF AMERICA'S DEFECATION ON NUKULAR NONPROLIFERATION TREATIES

http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2006/030306.asp

Officious White House Transcript

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you, Prime Minister Singh and distinguished guests. Wow, that was some dinner. Now Laura and me, we're big fans of authentic Tex-Mex food like jalapeno poppers, so that "vindaloop" stuff was no problem for us. Of course, I can't speak for my staff and the White House press corps. Let's just hope Air Force One's plumbing can handle all the fire poo tomorrow. (Laughter.)

We are delighted to here in India, home to a proud civilization. Indeed, from the feather-festooned dream catcher, to the Foxwoods Casino, to Crazy Horse malt liquor, the influence of Indianic culture is both positive and profound. And tonight, I am proud to demonstrate my respect via your traditional patriotic gesture. (Tomahawk Chops.)

Yesterday, I visited a memorial to some fella named Mahatma Gandhi. Ironicalistically, while reading his words about peace and non-violence, I drew about a gallon of blood – from biting my own lip to keep from laughing! I mean, this squirrelly little guy actually got people to do what he wanted just by not eating? If he tried that on me and Dick Cheney, we'd strip that raisin-faced hippy naked, strap him to a gurney at Guantanamo and hook him up to an IV drip of beef stew!

Fortunately, the world of today has no peacenik heroes like Mahomo Gandhi or his negro disciple Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Back in America, the closest we have is this whiny bird-looking broad who hangs out near my driveway. Fortunately, her 15 minutes were up last September. (Applause.) And so like America, India has forged bravely ahead into the post-peace world. And that, my friends, is just the kind of country I can refrain from bombing. (Applause.)