About my grandma...

First of all, I want to thank each of you that sent virtual hugs and well wishes my way this week.

This is long, but humor me. I need to say it. She deserves to have it said.

My grandma died a week ago yesterday. She was born in 1917 to Danish immigrant farmers. She grew up on a farm outside of a small town in Nebraska. She put herself through school and graduated from the University at a time when women didn't really do that. She was supposed to marry a local farmer, but she didn't want to, so she eloped with a pharmacist from Indiana during WWII, right before he went off to war. Her parents were livid. She didn't care. They had 4 kids, the last one when she was 40, which was scandalous back in the 1950s. She was born, raised and died a liberal. In Nebraska, that's neither typical nor easy. She was active in local politics and passed that legacy on to me.

She was an amazing woman. She taught me many things in life. What it means to be a liberal. How to treat people fairly and honestly. That you have to chase your dreams. Really, too many life lessons to list. But it turns out she wasn't done teaching me things. And that brings me to last Friday, her funeral.

The church was PACKED. My grandma knew everyone, or so it seemed. And everyone loved her. The minister did a fabulous job. He talked about how much she would be missed...by everyone. How she never had a negative word to say about anybody (except George W. Bush). How she always made people feel welcome. He had spent a lot of time talking to members of the family and also her friends, and he told some of the stories they had told him. My aunt's husband Tom told him about how he was always thankful to have a mother-in-law like her, except it was no fun because he couldn't ever tell a mother-in-law joke. They just didn't ever apply.

He talked about how much she loved her grandkids. How one day when she was in the hospital and he was visiting her, the phone rang. She answered it, then turned to him and said, "It's my granddaughter. You better go...this is going to take a while." She had 4 granddaughters. None of us is really sure who she was talking to that particular time because that's always how she was. We came first. She made time for us, always.

And then the minister made us laugh. Through the tears, he managed to make every one of us laugh. Another story from a time he was visiting her in the hospital. The doctor came in to check on her and started asking her questions designed to see how alert she was. Well, that's a big mistake. Nobody ever accused my grandma of being an idiot or an invalid without paying for it. But she humored the doctor through the "what day is it?" type questions. Until he asked her, "Who is the President?" My fiesty grandmother replied, "George W. Bush. But I didn't vote for him!" You go, grandma!

We spent a lot of time at my aunt's house. Watching basketball. Playing games. Talking. I heard more about the circumstances of grandma's death. And for some reason, that comforted me. She was getting sicker and things were happening to her body that made her really frustrated. So she quit. I honestly believe that she controlled when she died. One minute she was up and around, eating dinner, then something happened, which out of respect I won't repeat here, that made her realize that her dignity and freedom were being taken away. So she decided to die. I don't know how, but it's really the only explanation. She was sick, to be sure. She wasn't going to recover. But honestly there was nothing so wrong with her at that exact moment that should have caused her death. She just decided she was going to control the situation. She was strong and intensely independent, and she chose when she was going to die.

Overall it was a good weekend. Or rather, a necessary one. We took the time to remember her in a way she would have appreciated. With happiness and memories instead of sadness and regret. Well, there was sadness of course, but there are different kinds of sadness. And if it makes sense at all, this was the good kind. We were sad because we loved her so much and we miss her already. Not because of a tragedy. Or because we felt we left something out. Or that she didn't have a good life or had any regrets. We all know she didn't. She loved us as much as we loved her. She was respected and loved by everyone who met her...and that's really all any of us can ask for in the end.

It turns out that everything my grandma taught me was shown to me again at her funeral. Live a long full life where you maintain indepence and spirit and you earn the respect and love of the people around you. Live your life so that the people at your funeral say, "I'm going to miss her. The world was a happier place with her in it." Live so that your family is sad because they miss you already, but are comforted by the fact that you lived your life on your terms. Live so that you have nothing left on your "to do" list because you made sure you got what you wanted out of life.

Thank you Grandma. I love you. I miss you.

But it sounds like she taught you well through example.

:hug:

Thanks for sharing. She sounds like quite a lady!

I felt like I was there while reading that.

I'd like to share a story from our family archives.
It recounts the blizzard of 1888, in Nebraska.
I thought of it when you posted about almost not getting out of Nebraska,
and again to day, with your letting me know your grandmother.

<snip>
The Blizzard

On Thursday morning, January 12th, word came that our teacher could
not be at her desk until noon. Director Father went with us that day to
school on that eventful day and was substitute teacher for three hours in
District #33. About 2:30 PM, with but a few minutes warning, came one
of the most violent mass of whirling, fast freezing, powdery snow. Sixteen
scholars and teacher, assisted by neighbor Littell and the older pupils,
managed to reach a fence line and battle our blinded way to the
Littell farm residence. Here we unbundled to nurse our frosted spots
and were sheltered for the night.

Father's first thought at home was of we three and of the other scholars
that might try to reach home and at once set out for the school house,
one mile distant. He reached the Littell home before we had arrived and
again set foot for the school building which he never found. The Littells
fired shots in the air at intervals, hoping that Father might hear and so
be guided to safety should he be nearby. That night had the longest
hours we ever experienced - knowing that Father snowbound could not
possibly ride such storm and we in utter helplessness. Early the next morning,
the storm past, we struggled our way homeward to a reunion that was
worth the angels recording.

After many hours struggle - missing his way to the school - hoping,
fighting to reach some shelter before his waning strength failed him,
Father found a building - rested a bit - stumbled his way to a door
AND MOTHER HELPED HIM IN !!!! Their night too was a long one
with silent, earnest prayer for the guidance of the Almighty upon their
children and for scholars and teachers everywhere.

<snip>

That sounds like a story my grandma would have shared. I love stories about the "olden days"...we can't even begin to understand how difficult their lives were, or what strong spirits they must have had to overcome the challenges.

I'd like to say 'wasn't she something?'

Thanks again for this glimpse into your family.

:hug:

a wonderful role model to try to live our life by

I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:

It sounds like you had a wonderful, wonderful grandma.

to have had a woman like her in your life. Your tribute was beautiful. A life well-lived and well-loved. May we all be so blessed.

:hug:

:hug: Your grandma sounds like an incredible woman.
Duckie

She sounds like quite the incredible lady.

I am so sorry for your loss. :hug:

As long as you remember her, she will continue to live......

:hug:

woman. She was obviously well loved.

I think you are both lucky.

Your beloved grandmother sounded like a powerful and vibrant woman, to the end. Many blessings to her on her journey....and blessings of Comfort to you and your family, as well.

:hug:

Beautiful tribute to a lovely woman. :hug:

She sounds like she sprung forth fully formed from a Willa Cather novel. Which is high praise, indeed.

Her legacy lives on, in Los Angeles. The path you have carved for yourself reflects the same independent spirit she imbued in you at an early age.

:toast: To Grandma Husker!

I SO relate - my paternal grandmother was undoubtedly the most important person in my life; she was the reason I survived two substance-abusing parents.

My grammie was a classy dame, as my grandpa used to say. Sounds like yours was a great lady too!

And my grandma turned to us, stated that she was tired and ready to go on (she'd had a wonderful life), and then died. SHE also decided to transition on.

You posted such a beautiful tribute to her here, I am sure she is smiling on the beautiful tribute that you give her in every day of your life...simply by living the things she taught you and showed you.

This is a Hopi Prayer that I found on some messageboard or another...

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there,
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight
On the ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there.
I did not die.
My Spirit is still alive...

Again, my deepest sympathies.

how lucky you were to have such a wonderful woman as a role model, and to learn from in your lifetime! Thank you for sharing her story! (I am so sorry to hear of your loss, but know you are thankful for her presence in your life!) :hug:

My condolences :hug:

:hug:

Your grandma and mine were kindred spirits
and at this very moment are in Heaven-comparing
notes.

You'll always love her, miss her, and remember her.

Thanks for letting us know about her. :hug:

:hug:

She sounds like a wonderful person.
I am very sorry for your loss.
But at least you have a lot to remember her with. :hug:

Mine was also a die hard Dem and I credit her for making me politically minded at an early age.

You are a living legacy of her character and strength. You will miss her but she will always live inside of you.


:hug: :hug:

I am very sorry for your loss.:hug:

:hug:

What a wonderful tribute. My condolences to the entire family.

I too had a wonderful, beautiful Grandma who I miss terribly so I share your sorrow in losing yours.

Grandma's are so special to their granddaughters. And so they should be.

May your sorrow at your loss lessen but not the beautiful memories of the one you loved so much.

Your grandmother sounds like an amazing woman. I'm sorry for your loss. :hug:

peace and low stress...:patriot:

through this beautiful tribute. Let her memory always live on through you. Shes instilled alot
wonderful things in you and you are proof that part of her will always live on.

I'm sorry for your great loss.