I just received a very very hateful letter from my ex-fiance ... wow

Ok I don't think I shared this much about me before but I used to live in Germany from the time I was 19 to the time that I was 23 - I lived there with my first boyfriend who became my fiance . At the time he was the perfect prince - it was so romantic . I felt like Cinderella - and the love was good and we became engaged ... he proposed to me while pushing me on a swing by the lake . Of course I said yes . We met when he was studying at my college while he was in the states . I visited him in Germany in 2000 and that's when we fell in love in 2000 ...

ok cut to 2002 things broke down - he became overpossesive , paranoid and abusive - yes he beat me up . He beat me up when I would not sleep with him - he demanded ( this is true ) sex anytime that he said so . I had no help - I was breaking down inside - a thousand miles from home I did not know what to do - should I stay here and lose my mind and possibly my life ? or do I go back home - Smartly enough in 2004 I went back home . I remember when he found out that I wanted to go back home , I was talking about it secretly over the phone with my mom trying to plan my flight back to the States - he found out - so he broke the only phone that we had upstairs in the house ( we lived in his parents house , who did'nt care that he was hitting me either , I had no one to turn to , so do you understand why I wanted to go home ? ) - when he found out that I had a flight , he beat the shit out me . And then wondered still why I wanted to go home - sadly in my heart I still loved the guy because I felt sorry for him ( he has a lot of issues ) He beat the shit out of me , slapped me , threw stuff at me , threatned to cut me - and at the same time I was trying to comfort him - I don't know why ... during my last week in Germany , things got calmed and we decided to take some time apart - I really needed to heal . We always said that maybe in the future we would meet again ... but during that time I healed myself and realized that I could not trust this guy anymore with my life and if we got back together and possibly married with kids , I did not want to put anyone else in danger ... so with the oceans seperating us , I moved on with my life and got myself together ... I told him that he was always my friend because I am just too nice of a person I guess ... but I needed to just heal - when he beat me up he killed any love that could be rekindled and I told him that .

Here is why he wrote me a bad letter : I think in his heart he still held on to the fact that one day he would have me back - but I fell out of love with him because I was loving him into a slow death - that's how bad he beat me up . Since the time that I last saw him , I have found a good job where I am rising , I am on medicine for my anxiety and depression and its working , and I have since had a boyfriend ( with whom I am no longer together but hey that's life ) - apparently he googled my name and found my " myspace " profile one day while he was on his computer . That's how he found out that I had moved on and that I had someone else . He called me " whore " and that he bet I probably have slept around with so many guys - this recent boyfriend that I had , I never slept with him - I am not that kind of girl - the only guy I ever slept with ? - was the ex fiance of mine who wrote me this bad letter . I moved on and I am a happy person - independent and he is not - and it hurt him - he told me that he feels like jumping in front of a car - another reason why I had to go - I can't stay with someone to make them happy while making myself sad - he read my blogs where I talked about my recent boyfriend's and I times together ( if only he knew that this guy treated me like crap too ... )

This ex-fiance of mine dug a little too deep and is mad because I moved on - maybe I was wrong in some kind of way but I told him that I did not love him anymore - he would never hear it . I had no choice but to move on and live my life for me ... I have this letter in my room where he has said some hateful things to me wishing bad things for me and more ... and I actually planned on visiting him in Europe during my vacation later this year because I still cared for him as a friend - but you know what - I am not doing that . This book has been closed - I should have closed him off completely ... he hurt me and now he finally hurts ... karma is a bitch .

I just needed to vent in a way .

i'm with to get rid of him; it's like you've written whole portions of text to me :hug:

but I can't worry about him because I have things to prepare for and I don't need this negativity so he just showed me that he never grew up .

a solid silver baby spoon, will slow you down from where it is you need to be...there is an upside to being a tad selfish imo

I've been in your shoes.

you ever got his nasty letter. And, if by chance you ever run into him in person or hear from him, etc. NEVER let him know you got the letter.

He will have no satisfaction in learning he hurt you again, if you don't tell him.

I'm sorry you went through all that. Time heals all wounds, and you're best off without a freak like that.

Now toss that book out the window, since you've learned all its lessons!

I set it on fire before I threw it . This stupid thing about is that we ended everything in 2004 and its now 2006 ...

what better symbolic and purging activity to let go of him and his negative energy? Burn it, baby! That's what I say.

I'm glad you're not now, but when I read that you were going to visit him, my mouth dropped.

DO NOT write him. DO NOT visit him. He would only take it as encouragement.

I have relatives that were abused by men, and I cannot stress strongly enough how much you want to steer clear completely whether you care for him or not. You are VERY lucky to have gotten out alive, and I am not overstating. I'm sorry he sent you a letter and has now stirred all of this up again. :hug:

But please DO NOT visit/call/write this man again.

its just weird in all - its 2006 - I have moved on . I have a much better life now . I have so many good things to look forward to - I am going to have a new relative coming into the world this summer and I have an interview to prepare for , and other positive things - everything has'nt been good but I have learned to move on you know . And this letter just reminds me that " people are stupid " .

up, LOL.

I have one of those, in a way. And it's funny, because you're moved on, and you're in a completely different place, and here comes Mr. Past, just as brazen as he wants to be!

I'm so glad things are working out for you now, it sounds like you deserve it so very much.

realize just how bad they were. The other folks are right -- do not respond to him at all. I congratulate you on getting out of that relationship because it is very difficult to do. I was in an emotionally and mentally absuive relationship (thank GOD it did not turn physically abusive), an it took me a long time to get out for good.

You have shown yourself to be an incredibly strong woman. Don't lose sight of that, and don't lose sight of the fact that you deserve the good life you have now built for yourself.

:hug: :hug:

this is someone from my past - two years ago . And I am not mad - just like Hmmm ...

him again. An abusive relationship only escalates (you could end up scared, brain damaged, deaf, blind, or even dead). It doesn't get better. You deserve someone who will respect and care for you. Not treat you like a sex slave he thinks he owns. You need zero tolerance when it comes to him. There should be NOTHING that he could ever say or do that would cause you to want to be with him again.

i still feared in a way ...