anyone else have a 21 yr old who just moved out who

keeps coming home and says hes scared? He is so needy, and afraid, but I keep telling him I cant always be there for him every minute..his dad died when he was 6, and it seems like the whole family is hardwired in anxiety , especially this one, from his dads death when he was 6...he just cant seem to let go of me when he becomes afraid of life and all the things that happen to adults..I support him emotionally, and have suggested he see a counselor, but I sometimes am just so tired because he is very shy and doesnt have many friends where he is..yes, I suggested college and a job and everything else, and he is often in high anxiety, plus, he has a back disability and theres not many jobs where we are..
Boy its so much work to walk the fine line of treating him as an adult, supporting him emotionally, and hoping he can make it..
Hes still figuring out how to pay bills, hes doing better, and he goes off on tangents about the drama of life (hes sort of a drama queen, but so was I at 21)..I suggested he see a counselor, but he says he will when he thinks he needs to.
I guess Im tired..anyone else have a difficult one?

he is just scared we all are at that age.

he shouldn't be on his own. Either he's on his own and self-supporting or he's not. Don't let him pretend he's being independent when he's not. And don't tolerate the drama queen stuff. Even if you were one yourself and so understand it. That stuff gets very old very fast.

I moved out at age 17 and did not keep on going back home. Don't be an ennabler.

I have a son who will be 21 later on this month who still lives at home. He attends a local junior college (after flunking out of an away school because he's mildly autistic and we didn't realize how much support he would really need to attend school away from home), working part time at a local movie theater, and is desperate to get away again. I sympathize, because I was on my own so young, but he's got to demonstrate that he really can handle being on his own again. Simple things, like getting his homework done.

it's time for someone to stand up on his hind legs. He's either "all growed up and haired over" or he isn't. If he isn't, he needs a little help from either a positive peer role model or a counselor.

on edit: Been there, got the t-shirt on the kid moving out thing.

Or in the military?

Wow, I can't imagine the...you know, big stress.

eom

when I was 21 (i'm 23 now).... I came home all the time cuz I really missed my mom.... then I started to enjoy being independant (took about 5 monthes) and I don't come home as often... it takes time...
and it is scarey at first...

I thought the whole point of moving out was to be on your own.

Lucky me, I didn't get along with my mom in those days (that changed as I got older and learned to appreciate her) and she was a terrible cook, bless her, so I certainly didn't miss that.

my guess is either it is some sort of depression/anxiety or it's really something else that is bothering him.

On the one hand I had to raise a younger brother and sister that were 10 and 16 years younger than me and had to play the hard ass role and it killed me to do it, but I get Mother's Day cards from them to this day 25 years later because of it thanking me for that role.

BUT, it seems to me you have given this boy a good foundation and maybe he is just not ready yet? From what you say he IS making progress but just not there yet. My feeling is what is the harm in giving him a little more time? He is SO anxious, what is that all about??

It's your decision - I've participated in your threads before and I think you have done a commendable job with your kids.

My little sister who is 15 years younger than me had a crisis today with her 3 year old and spent the day with him in the emergency room. She called me to decompress and get it off her chest and out of her system instead of her mother. I guess I did something right 25 - 30 years ago.

Being supportive is fine. Don't start cleaning the place and doing his laundry though. Don't bail him out money wise either. Let him work this out on his own, but do be supportive but firm. Eventually, he won't have much time for you, but that doesn't last forever either.