You might be a Republican if

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend."

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Honey."

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...

You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

You've ever said, "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."

You've ever called education a luxury.

You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

You're afraid of the "liberal media."

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.

You think all artists are gay.

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.

You always say "Must be that damn global warming" when it's cold outside.

I love this one by the way: You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."

Well...I'm not sure of "You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love" (I can ask my step-mom lol gross) but everything else applies to him. He often says the "clean air, looks clean to me" bit too and it's really annoying.

to take your guns, money, and infant child....you might be a republican.

If you like to hunt with an M-16...

If you think blacks are lazy, jews are cheap, asians can't drive, Irish are alcoholics, Italians eat too much, British are gay, and WASPs are the master race...

If you think you drive an "American" car and it's a Ford, GM, or DaimlerChrysler vehicle...

If you think people who drive "foreign" cars are traitors...

If you think SUVs are safe...

If you think all "Americans" should go to church on Sundays, play football, and eat hot dogs...

If you might be a redneck...you might be a republican

but seven outa eight ain't bad.

I grew up in the rural mountains of Western PA and we have a lot of gun-toting racist rednecks who would give their first-born for Bush and Santorum.

And redneck has a negative connototion to me. You can be a "country boy" without being a "redneck".

Not because I'm a Repug but because the cousin who raised me was a solid UAW member and built these cars for almost 30 years.

Call it family values.

my point was that people don't realize that the Detroit trifecta are actually multinationals and almost all the parts come from Asia.

Most popular "foreign" cars like Toyota, Honda, VW, etc. are just as American as "American" cars because they were assembled in the US from Asian parts.

I'm irish and italian, and I think i drink and eat way too much...:silly:

If you've called another American a "traitor" because he/she hates Bush...

If you think Ashcroft is a good Christian man...

If you have no qualms about dropping a nuke or two...

If you think its your god-given duty to dictate other people's personal lives...

If you enjoy your tax cut and think nothing about your tax dollars going straight into Cheney's pocket...

If you're looking forward to renovating another country by election time...

If you regularly use terms like "towel-head", "wetback", "monkey", etc. to describe people...

If you don't know the meaning of the word fascism...you might be a Republican.

you've ever boycotted a corporation because they don't sufficiently oppress gay people. (M-I-C....K-E-Y....)

You own a book by Charlie Daniels.

You find the said Daniels book (ain't no rag) to be intellectually stimulating.

If you believe Jesus only turned his cheek when he was reloading.

You will not allow your children to attend public school because of 'socialist indoctrination'.

On 9-11 you prayed another plane would hit the UN building in New York.

You own a copy of Rush's home sex tapes.

You find Michael Savage to be a moderate.

You think bombing Canada is not a bad idea.

You think Democrats are far left Bolsheviks.

You have an unhealthy obsession with Bill Clinton, and believe Hillary is the anti-christ

I'll add mine....."You might be a Republican if you believe that you NEED assault rifles to even the playing field with those damn ducks".

...if you think Zell Miller was the only democrat that ever made sense. :crazy: