My New Resume

Autonomy

Address: Skid Row, Third Abandominium on the Left
Email: anrkist@thepubliclibrary.com


Purpose: To secure a full-time position as a panhandler, unwashed malcontent, or unwelcome hanger-on near your home or place of business.

Education:

* University of California, Berkeley
B.A. in psychology (1998-2002), Berkeley, CA

* Temple University School of Law
(2003-2004), Philadelphia, PA

Experience:

Law school dropout; Philadelphia, PA (2004)
-demonstrated erratic behavior and poor decision-making skills by attending and dropping out of law school

University of California student (8/1998-5/2002)
-navigated insane UC bureaucracy and Sproul Plaza

State Mental Hospital
Counseling Intern (2001-2002), Napa, CA
-facilitated therapeutic activities for patients committed NGRI (not guilty by reason of insanity) to state prison mental health system

Lived in Portland, OR (12/96-8/97)
-walked past crack dealers to get to work on daily basis; interacted with hippie kids living on streets while living in red light district in Old Town

Lived in San Francisco (9/96-12/96)
-lived in hooker hotel in South of Market; learned how to keep cockroaches away by stuffing rags in sink; avoided schizophrenics and degenerates on daily basis

Skills:

-adept in playing musical instruments badly; intermediate skill in wearing filthy clothes inside out; passing familiarity with Lyndon LaRouche presidential platform

Extra Curricular and Honors:

Dean’s List
President’ List (x4)
Graduated with Honors
Alpha Gamma Sigma, lifetime member of National Honor Society
Student Senate

Note: Please feel free to contact me by knocking on the piece of plywood where the back door used to be for additional information, or to schedule an interview.