"I'm a lumberjack and I'm..." Actually, I'm a trucker guy. Where's my song

But that's not why I'm posting.

But if you can think of any good truck driver theme songs.... Especially ones where the trucker has a college degree and is a world class guitarist, great cook, sexy as heck ... who gets the girl in the end ... and doesn't kiss no horses. Not down with that. Nope, my porn days are OVER!

But to the point of this:

I Just wanted to relate to you a little anecdote to demonstrate just how crazy things have gotten in this socalled society of ours.

I'm on my way to Tacoma, Washington right now, from San Bernardino, California (50 miles east of LA) hauling 46,000 pounds of WATER!!! Yes, I'm hauling water from Southern California WHERE THERE IS NO WATER, to Tacoma WA, WHERE THERE IS HARDLY ANYTHING ELSE!!!

CRAZY!

Ya'll, this is probably not the best evidence of it, but we are in serious trouble in this country. Can you say "effed in the head"?

It's raining in Tacoma now, btw!

:rofl:

but who knows???

:shrug:

Seriously, why are you hauling water to Tacoma?

Just something to do. keeps me of the streets and outta trouble.

Uh, Breaker One-Nine, this here's the Rubber Duck
You got a copy on me Pig-Pen? C'mon

Uh, yeah 10-4 Pig Pen, fer sure, fer sure
By golly it's clean clear to Flag-Town, C'mon

Uh, yeah, that's a big 10-4 Pig-Pen,
Yeah, we definitely got us the front door good buddy,
Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy

Was the dark of the moon, on the sixth of June
In a Kenworth, pullin' logs
Cabover Pete with a reefer on
And a Jimmy haulin' hogs
We 'as headin' fer bear on I-One-Oh
'Bout a mile outta Shaky-Town
I sez Pig-Pen, this here's the Rubber Duck
An' I'm about to put the hammer on down

Cause we gotta little ol' convoy, rockin' through the night
Yeah we gotta little ol' convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way
We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA
Convoy... Convoy...

Uh, breaker Pig-Pen, this here's The Duck
Uh, you wanna back off them hogs
10-4, 'bout five mile or so, 10-roger
Them hogs is gittin' in-tense up here

By the time we got into Tulsa-Town
We had eighty-five trucks in all
But they's a road block up on the clover leaf
An' them bears 'as wall to wall
Yeah them smokies 'as thick as bugs on a bumper
They even had a bear-in-the-air
I sez callin' all trucks, this here's The Duck
We about to go a huntin' bear

Cause we gotta great big convoy, rockin' through the night
Yeah we gotta great big convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way
We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA
Convoy... Convoy...

Uh, you wanna give me a 10-9 on that Pig-Pen?
Uh, negatory Pig-Pen, yer still too close
Yeah, them hogs is startin' close up my sinuses
Mercy sakes, you better back off another ten

Well we rolled up interstate fourty-four
Like a rocket sled on rails
We tore up all a our swindle sheets
An' left 'em settin' on the scales
By the time we hit that Chi-Town
Them bears was a gittin' smart
They'd brought up some reinforcements
From the Illinois National Guard
There 'as armored cars, and tanks, and Jeeps
An' rigs of every size
Yeah them chicken coops 'as full a bears
An' choppers filled the skies
Well we shot the line, an' we went for broke
With a thousand screamin' trucks
And eleven long-haired friends of Jesus
In a chartreusse microbus

Hey Sod Buster, listen
You wanna put that microbus in behind the suicide jockey?
Yeah, he's haulin dynamite
He needs all the help he can git

Well we laid a strip fer the Jersey Shore
An' prepared to cross the line
I could see the bridge 'as lined with bears
But I didn't have a doggone dime
I sez Pig-Pen, this here's the Rubber Duck
We just ain't a gonna pay no toll
So we crashed the gate doin' ninety-eight
I sez, let them truckers roll, 10-4

Cause we gotta mighty convoy, rockin' through the night
Yeah we gotta mighty convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way
We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA
Convoy... Convoy...

Uh, 10-4 Pig-Pen, what's yer 20?
Omaha?!
Well they oughta know what to do with them hogs out there fer sure
Well mercy sakes alive good buddy
We gonna back on outta here
So keep the bugs off yer glass
An' the bears off yer... tail
We gonna catch ya on the flip-flop
This here's the Rubber Duck on the side
We gone
Bye, Bye...

PLEASE, I'm beggin' ya!

the movie version of the song has this lovely couplet:

"got 10 on the floor
and i'm stroking bore"

I don't have a CB and don't want one. I don't want to listen to a buncha toothless Cletuses tell me how much I suck as a driver. I can beat myself up with the best of 'em. Don't need no help.

I'm hauling coals to Newcastle (what's the exact wording of that saying?).

How about "Willin'" by Little Feet? That's a pretty smart song.Of course, they both have drug references.

4-5 days a month off!

Help, I'm being held prisoner by a giant truck.

:)

:hi:

I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Pedal to the metal, hope I don't run out of luck
Rollin' down the highway until the break of dawn
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on

My diesel rig is northward bound
It's time to put that hammer down
Just watchin' as the miles go flyin' by
I'm ridin' twenty tons of steel
But it's sure hard to hold the wheel
While I'm waiting for my nails to dry

Oh, I always gotta check my lipstick in that rear view mirror
And my pink angora sweater fits so tight
I'm jammin' gears and haulin' freight
Well, I sure hope my seams are straight
Lord, don't let my mascara run tonight

Because I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Smokey's on my tail and my accelerator's stuck
Got these eighteen wheels-a-rollin' until the break of dawn
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on

Oh, I don't mind when my crotchless panties creep right up on me
And my nipple rings don't bother me too much
But when I hit those big speed bumps
My darling little rhinestone pumps
Keep slippin' off the mother-lovin' clutch

But still I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Headin' down the interstate, just tryin' to make a buck
Wearin' feather boas with sequins and chiffon
While I'm drivin' a truck with my high heels on

I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a truck
Got a load to carry and some eyebrows left to pluck
And I'm late for my appointment down at my hair salon
So I'll be drivin' a truck with my high heels on

...with my high heels on.

Hey rubber duck, you got a bear on your tail!

I'm tellin' ya, it's all Greek t' me.

I wheeled into a truckstop in Texas a little place called Hamburger Dan's
I heard that jukebox a playin' song about a truck drivin' man
That waitress done brought me some coffee I thanked her then called her back again
I said you know that song it sure does fit me cause I'm a truck drivin' man
Pour me another cup of coffee for it is the best in the land
I'll put another quarter in the jukebox and play the Truck Drivin' Man

Well I climbed back aboard my old semi then like a flash I was gone
I got them old truck wheels a rollin' now I'm on my way to San Antone
When I get my call up to glory they'll take me away from this land
I'll head this old rig up to heaven cause I'm a truck drivin' man
Pour me another cup of coffee...
And play the Truck Drivin' Man

That's all such horseshit. Was it ever true? I don't know, but sure ain't now. It's all deadlines and horrible food (at truly outrageous prices) and traffic jams and constant lonliness. But I'm saving a thousand bucks a month, so....

Drivin' My Life Away
EDDIE RABBIT

Well, the midnight headlight
Find you on a rainy night
Steep grade up ahead
Slow me down makin' no time
I gotta keep rollin'
Those windshield wipers
Slappin' out a tempo
Keepin' perfect rhythm
With the song on the radio
Gotta keep rollin'

Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a better way, for me
Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a sunny day

Well the truck stop cutie
Comin' on to me
Tried to talk me into a ride
Said I wouldnt be sorry
But she was just a baby
Ah, waitress pour me another cup of coffee
Pop me down jack me up
Shoot me out flyin' down the highway
Lookin' for the morning

Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a better way, for me
Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a sunny day

Well, the midnight headlight
Find you on a rainy night
Steep grade up ahead
Slow me down makin' no time
I gotta keep rollin'
Those windshield wipers
Slappin' out a tempo
Keepin' perfect rhythm
With the song on the radio
Gotta keep rollin'

Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a better way, for me
Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a sunny day

Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a better way, for me
Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a sunny day, yeah

Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a better way, for me

You know he's dead, right?

Guess he droved his life away.

A pity. That's one of my favorite songs of all time.

A gem from Frank Zappa:

Truck driver divorce!
It's very sad
(Steel guitars
Usually weep all over it)

The bold & intelligent
MASTERS OF THE ROAD
With their Secret Language,
And the GIANT
OVER-SIZED
MECHANICAL
TRANS-CONTINENTAL
HOBBY-HORSE!

Truck driver divorce!
It's very sad!
Oh the wife!
Oh the kids!
Oh the waitress!
Oh the drive all night!

Sometimes when you get home
Some ugly lookin' son-of-a-bitch
Is trying to pooch yer
HOME-TOWN SWEETHEART!

Oh, go ride the bull!
Oh, go ride the bull!
Make it go up 'n down
'N when you fall off,
You can eat the mattress!

TRUCK DRIVER DIVORCE!
IT'S VERY SAD!
Bust yer ass
To deliver some string beans,
Deliver some string beans,
Deliver some string beans,
To
UTAH!

Set to music.

Truck Drivers Daughter - Mellisa Fair

I just took it down. I hope you saved it.