OMG!!! I need this invention today!!!!!!

Mrs. Squeech once had a job doing trademark research-- making sure somebody's proposed name for some new product hadn't been used before, or at least not in a confusingly similar way. Some of the names proposed to her office had never been screened for reasonableness either. One client was a Japanese consumer products company that wanted to know if they could sell a facial tissue called Snotrag.

And that's not even her best story. There was an airline merger, and one of the ancillary problems was what to call the in-flight magazine for the newly merged airline. One of them published under the name "Contrails," and the other used the name "Enterprise," and it was seriously proposed that they take the beginning of one name and the end of the other and call their new magazine "Entrails!"

But I hasten to add, I'm sorry you're unwell. I recommend "Tea for One," cranked.