I miss Andy...it's was a year ago today...

that he had his surgery. It was a year ago today that I got one of the scariest emails ever from Will...all it said was "call me" - that's never good. He had to tell me that Andy's doctors didn't think the cancer was contained and to start preparing for the worst. Andy had sounded so hopeful earlier in the day...I wasn't ready for it. I was never ready.

I still don't understand how I can remember some things about that night with crystal clarity and other parts are just a blur. I remember the sound of Will's voice. I remember that he was at a bar. *snort* I remember not being able to breathe. I remember exactly where I was sitting on the floor in my hallway. But I don't know that I remember a single word he said to me that night. All I really remember is the rushing sound inside my head.

And I didn't listen. When he told me the outlook was not good and to be ready...I didn't listen. I couldn't believe then that Andy wouldn't make it...I still can't believe he's not here.

I miss him. I miss him singing to me. I can't sing "You Are My Sunshine" to my new nephew without crying. I miss his laugh. I miss hearing him quote from "Steel Magnolias". I miss him expounding on his latest wacky conspiracy theory. I miss how his accent would get thicker when he was tired. I miss the random pictures he'd send me from his camera phone (gawd he loved that thing). I miss the way we babbled at each other about nothing. But mostly I miss hearing him tell me he loved me. And I miss being able to tell him back.

I've tried really hard to distract myself all day...it hasn't really worked. I just needed to talk about it.

Somebody tell me I'll wake up tomorrow and this entire last year will have been a bad dream. :(

I think you can use one of these... :hug: have two :hug: :hug:

:hug:

I really didn't mean to post this as a driveby...I'm headed to bed...have an early day at work tomorrow...but I needed to talk about it for a bit to people who know. :hug:

Sleep tight.

but my mother always taught me that a good night sleep can make everything seem a little better.

Hang in there. I've been where you are and I know none of the usual cliche's will help, so I'll spare you.

Hugs...:hug:

sleep sure can't hurt. :hug:

write an LTTE, register a Democrat, or just drop a check in the mail to a progressive cause in andy's name.

It's a timely reminder to fight the good fight for the good people--like Andy.

Fro Andy: :patriot:

Andy would be tickled pink.

Thanks for sharing.

I remember Goodboy and Andy's friend's band playing this song at the memorial:

Peace in the Valley

She spends too much time with herself every night
just fooling around with her fears
And in the morning she mourns the declining mind
drowning in a bottle of beer
It's too dangerous just to think about
what she might have been
If she'da sung for salvation
if she'da danced on a dream

But there's gonna be Peace in the Valley tomorrow
tonight she's gonna blow it all away
Lord she feels so twisted
she aint never gonna fix it
she just waiting for the light to shine
on a brand new day

And he don't know if he's an communist a hedonist or a whore
He spends too much time riding on the white line to find the door
And if he did and he opened it he'd find the letters in the hall
But he's too blind to read between the lines because the writing's on the wall

But there's gonna be Peace in the Valley tomorrow
tonight he's gonna blow it all away
Lord he feels so twisted he aint
never gonna fix it
he's just waiting for the light
to shine on a brand new day

Oh let that light shine

Well I got ecstasy but I need some company
I got that mystery oh I need a plan
All I got is this compromise and a bagful of alibis
It's as empty as a bottle of whiskey in my shaking hand.
That's right

But there's gonna be Peace in the Valley tomorrow
tonight he's gonna blow it all away
Lord he feels so twisted he aint
never gonna fix it
he's just waiting for the light
to shine on a brand new day