Question about workplace propriety

Leaving aside for the moment any issues of company-specific policies, here's a question about interpersonal behavior in the workplace.

To what extent is it acceptable--in terms of politeness--to comment on a coworker's appearance? If Dan has a nice haircut, may I tell him so? If Barb is wearing a nice outfit, may I tell her so? Is any comment suitable, or does it automatically carry inappropriate baggage?

For the sake of the hypothetical, I'm talking about coworkers who aren't exactly "close" friends but whom I might see on a routine or daily basis.

Your thoughts are much appreciated.

Say nothing.

Make no eye contact.

You must be a productive citizen at all times.





BTW, where did you get those shoes? They're gorgeous!

If we have come to a point where we can't make comments like that, then what is the point of even trying to develop friendly relationships with people whom we do not know.

That shirt shows off your great tits = Improper

Unfortunately, I might say the former. You might hear the latter.

My point is that people are overly sensitive about compliments. They'll ask themselves - what did he/she mean by that? And then assume the worst.

I hate when someone praises me for losing weight, whether or not I have. They're assuming that because I'm a woman, I am of course on a perpetual diet and am always delighted to get unsolicited reports on its progress. In actuality, it pisses me off. Especially when it comes from a male. He's letting me know that he is assessing me physically - my body, not just the way I package it - and feels entitled to comment publicly on it. I don't think it's any less rude than pointing out that someone has gained weight.

:rantoff:

Sorry about that, but see? ;)

:rofl:

But I'm not as buxom as other guys you might come across.

Thanks for the response, though!

Is it still a two drink minimum this afternoon?

Said Rumsfeld, "We've lost three Brazilians.
"Not soldiers, alas, but civilians."
Said the Prez, head in hands,
"I just don't understand.
How many are in a brazilion?"


1.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and says, "I didn’t even know they had lions in Brazil."

2.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and says, "They're going to make stupid jokes about this on the Internets for months."

3.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and says, "Were they black? I hear that they have blacks down there."

4.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh wow!" the President exclaims, giggling.

His staff sits stunned at this inappropriate display, nervously watching as the President composes himself.

Finally, the President says through a chuckle, "That reminds me of a joke."

5.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians were killed."

"Oh," the President says. "That's okay."

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the unconcerned President sorts through his papers.

Finally, the President looks up and says, with confidence, "This is the American version. Robert De Niro will swoop in and rescue them."

6.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and says, "What the hell were they doing in Brazilia, anyway?"

7.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and says, "Send my condolences to the King of Brazil immediately."

8.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That's so sad!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and says, "Do you realize that that's .61 more than the 2.39 children born to the average Brazilian woman as of 1995. Well do you?"

9.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "This is totally unexpected!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and says, "I mean, Don Juan didn't mention it when I met him at the bus station this morning."

10.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Why the hell should I care?" the President barks.

His staff sits stunned at this callous display, nervously watching as the President sits, rubbing his nose.

Finally, the President says, "I told you before—I get my coke from Paraguay."

11.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

At first the President says nothing, but his face quickly grows red and his jaw is visibly clenched.

"Mr. President," says an anonymous staffer. "Are you okay?"

He's fuming. "Do you know how many times I've heard about them damn Brazilians? Enough already!"

12.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians were killed."

The President reflects on this news for several moments. "Not again," he moans. "I just don't get it."

Rumsfeld glances uncertainly at the assembled cabinet. "Mr. President?"

Bush shakes his head sadly. "I mean, a 78-year-old millionaire I can understand, but they don't even have quails in Brazil."

13.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"So what?" snaps the President.

His staff sits stunned at this display, while the Commander-in-Chief glares at each of them in turn.

"Look," the President says. "Them New England states don't vote for me anyway."

14.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians died in Iraq."

The President reflects on this sad news for several moments. "Brazilians," he says at last. "Are you sure?"

Rumsfeld shuffles his feet slightly. "Of course, it's impossible to be certain. Heck, it's impossible to be certain of anything. Anything!"

"Well," says the President. "As long as you're sure."

15.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians died in Iraq."

The President reflects on this sad news for several moments. "Brazilians," he says at last. "Are you sure?"

Rumsfeld assures him that the information is correct, and the President quickly picks up the phone and calls his stockbroker.

"Buy me as many shares of Amazon.com as you can get!"

16.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians died in Iraq."

The President shrugs. "Them lousy Incas probably had it coming anyway."

Rumsfeld and the staff sit, unsure of what to say. At last an intern pipes up.

"Incas," she says. "That's Peru."

"Of course it's per me," snaps the President. "I said it, didn't I?"

17.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Yeah, well," sighs the President. "That's how it goes."

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and says, "What do you want me to say? I don't speak Brazilian."

18.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing and concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians died in Iraq."

The President shakes his head. "Really, it's not that big a deal. They'll be fine."

Rumsfeld and the staff sit, dumbfounded by this callous display.

"I mean come on," says the President. "I've been waxed that way dozens of times, and it only feels like you're dying."

19.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying "Unfortunately, we lost three Brazilians in Iraq yesterday."

The President laughs and chides Rumsfeld for his poor understanding of the Iraq situation. His staff is stunned at this uncommon spectacle, since the President is typically so deferential toward his senior advisors.

"Don," he explains at last. "Yens are Japan's currency, not Brazil's. Heck, I don't even know if you can spend them in Iraq."

20.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

"That's six zillian boobies with no support," cried the Prez.

21.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying:
"Yesterday, 3 Brazilians were killed in Iraq"

"I think that there are two "L's" in Brazillians," notes the President.

"No," says Rumsfeld. "You're thinking of Llama."

"Well Hello, Dalai," sez the Prez.

22.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilians were killed."

"Oh, dammit!" the President exclaims. "I hope this doesn't mean that I have to be King of Carnivale again. I still have razorburn from the last time."

I need three drinks just to get through the list.

:beer:
:beer:
:beer:

That's usually a good standard. But people take offense to different things so I guess it depends on the person and how well you know him/her.

in the workplace. It goes on all the time. As long as they're not inappropriate compliments there's nothing wrong with them.

In all reality, I don't see a problem with legitimate compliments.

I might intend a legitimate compliment, but I wouldn't want to inadvertantly make someone feel awkward self-conscious.

must complete bidness tasks. Don't look, don't tell, don't touch.

Is it fascism yet?

on the company and the tone of the comment. It also depends on your gender. How much you can pay a wrongful termination attorney is also a factor.

My rule is that unless someone is a direct report I will never comment on their appearance. I will comment is they are doing something that is endangering themselves, unsecured hair around a lathe (etc).
If they are a direct report it would only be a comment about a work related issue.

IE you can't operate equipment without steel toes boots or you should dress this way when visiting this account. Always comment so that it ties to work.

If it is other than work I would say it at lunch or off premises. Again depends on the place. A bank and a small shop will be vastly different.

Never on clothing items, hair, or general appearance. I play it pretty safe.

How Barb's outfit suits her - you're fired.


Or so I've heard.

the perception of the person being addressed is the issue. If they take a non sexual comment in a sexual context you have a problem.

Using good judgment is the best way to handle it.

With some consideration of circumstance, relative hierarchical places of the complimenter and complimentee, genders of same, etc., etc.

I've worked places where people were petrified to offer compliments because of the general tone and the threat of harassment. The place I'm at now is very laid back and I wouldn't care a bit to compliment my boss's legs!

The environment that you work in has a lot to do with what's accepted and what isn't.

or coworker or anyone in a workplace environment

Folks aren't there to be clothes horses, they're there to WORK.

Compliment their work.

To be safe, unless you're speaking with a sorta close friend with whom you have an established relationship, comment on the clothing, the haircut, the new jewelry, whatever...without commenting on "how" the effect "makes the person look."

The new dress looks lovely. The new dress looks lovely on your co-worker. Your co-worker, though, does not "look great in that new dress." To use your example, "that's a really great outfit, Barb!" is ok. "Wow, you look great in that outfit, Barb!" is not.

Those are the basic rules I follow when trying to compliment a co-worker, but not set off any alarms. Some co-workers have been harassed, so it doesn't hurt to try and be considerate when expressing your approbation.

Keep it non-personal, and you shouldn't scare anybody.

If, on the other hand, you are actually trying to express personal interest in a co-worker, it's a BAD idea. Just don't even go there.

It's NOT okay for males to complement appearance of workplace females UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES; no male touching of females UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (even reaching out to stop somebody from falling on the ice); same prohibitions apply to females touching or complementing males but in practice it's pretty much okay for females to do/say anything they want; woman-woman or man-man compliments are fine, even flirting or touching as long as it doesn't offend the office homophobes. All this came from a team of top-notch corporate lawyers interpreting New York State sexual harassment law in the mid-1980s. Such laws now prevail nationwide. And from everything I've seen, the behaviorial restrictions have gotten far more draconian since then, and now include even maximum-chastity dress-codes (undoubtedly the precursor to Occidental adaptation of something akin to the burka).

It's not that the corporations are opposed to sexuality per se. It's that they (1) don't want sexuality distracting from productivity and (2) don't want sexual-harassment lawsuits they will invariably be forced to settle for big bucks regardless of the merits. Moreover -- and this was openly stated by earlier generations of capitalists -- a sexually frustrated worker tends to sublimate his/her frustrations into workplace productivity: yes, sexually oppressed people are the most productive workers -- another of the many reasons capitalism and Abrahamic theocracy go hand-in-hand.

Being polite and complimentary is usually OK. Undertones, history, and wording can affect it.

I have felt harassed, but the current harassers haven't said anything that bad when each comment is taken separately. When someone is constantly commenting on how one looks though, it can feel harassing.

Dan is blathering on about his new haircut and can't decide if he likes it or not. I think it's OK to tell him it looks "fine" or even "good," without sounding too excited about it. Barb is wondering if she's wearing the right thing for the big meeting. You could say "you look fine" or even, maybe, if you know her well, "you look good, don't worry"--again without sounding like you're turned on.