Have you ever seen anyone die?

The night my uncle died, I was at his house. He was very ill, many of the family were there and we all took turns sitting with him.

We were having dinner and my aunt came running out and said, "I think he's gone." We all rushed to his room...and he was gone. Just like that. Alive one moment, struggling to breathe and then absolutely still.

I had been there some three hours before...

They called and said it was time...

We rushed like crazy to get there...

She looked so content...

Her struggle was over....

We were gathered together holding vigil for the days before Mom died, and I was in the house when it finally happened, but in the next room. And I've been around lots of death at the hospital.

Both tragic, traumatic accidental deaths.

I'll spare you the details.

Many times....

But in the hospital, death usually came as a result of having the various machines turned off....

And that would happen after the family had consented to it....

We normally stayed out of the patient's room unless the family wanted us to be there....

You do get used to it....callous though that may sound.

:hug:

He has been on death watch.

He has not grown the callous yet; it is very hard on him.

Hard for me to help him too.

A great many things take getting used to when you become a nurse....

And some people can do them....some can't.....

You have to find your niche.....and your son will do that...

Not all fields in nursing have to deal with death.

:hug:

As Peggy says below, it was after the family had consented to turning off all the machines.

It was very peaceful....

Friend of mine in a car accident. :cry: :cry: :cry:

I did "death watch" with a few.

Not on TV either. I recall vividly 'The Taste of Minnesota' 2 years ago; the poor kid lying on the ground, bleeding, with cops telling everyone to leave. (not easy to do when there's a traffic jam and you're all in the cul-de-sac)

I cried like a baby..But I just wanted him to see a friendly face before he went to sleep.

I was on a bus, and didn't really see it very clearly, and I didn't find out for certain that he was dead, but a whole lot of his brains got smashed out onto the curb, so I'm pretty sure....

Worse yet, I had to take photos of it

Mom after a month in intensive care when the respirator was turned off and dad in his nursing home bed, ten minutes after I hauled ass to get there.

Not something I really want to talk about.

you amaze me, you are the best, truly.
:hug:

No machines turned off, he left on his own. But we knew the time was near.


There is no more helpless, frustrating feeling in all the world.

Sorry...

In a way it was good, to be in the moment with him, sending him off with love he passed. And he went very peacefully.


:hug:

:hug:

:hug:

i work in hospice.

sorry, for your loss.

I cannot tell you what a blessing that was.

I deeply appreciated the fact that our hospice worker had a lot of experience, to the point where she knew when the final stage of the death process was beginning by noting minuscule changes in my father's skin tone and color. With that guidance we were able to call everyone to Dad's bedside in time to say what we knew was the final goodbye. I also appreciated the fact that our hospice worker knew how to gently explain what was happening to Dad, as he was dying, in simple terms we could process. I cannot begin to explain why because outside of that situation it sounds so terribly cold, but in some way it helped to know how the death process was taking place... which organs were shutting down first, and why, and what effect that was having on him. I guess it gave some semblance of order in a place that was as bewildering as it was frightening. Our hospice worker was an angel, a vital comforting presence in the midst of our silent chaos... always right there, yet never in the way.

Consumed by my own heartache in the days that followed, I never did properly thank her for all the comfort she brought. But all these years later I can still see her in my mind, and I know I will always remember her with tremendous affection and respect.

So this is a heartfelt thank you to you, Amaya, and to all hospice workers everywhere. You do a difficult job and you are appreciated far more than you will ever know.


:hug:

Peaceful. She was lucky.

I've always tried to ease my patients passage..by holding them,talking them through the passage from life to death.I know that sounds nuts,but it gives me closure,and helps the families to know their loved one didn't die alone.

It sounds compassionate, caring, thoughtful, and beautiful.

:pals:

I held them until the end.

My sister when she was 22 and I was 21.

My brother when he was 33 and I was 28.

My Mom when she was 65 and I was 35.

When my father-in-law died, I had left the room for a minute to go and speak to a nurse down the hall and when I returned, he was dead, so I didn't actually see him expire, and I almost hate to say it but, after the fact, I was kind of grateful that I wasn't there at the last moment. I hope that doesn't sound crass because it's not meant to; it's just that for a non-medical-personnel person like me, every second of the last moments of the three people nearest and dearest to my heart were so horribly heart wrenching and painful and are so permanently etched in my brain and my memory that I felt like I'd dodged a bullet when Charlie died while I was down the hall.



Edit: And well, there, you've done it. This is the first time that any thread or post on DU has made me cry.

You lost two siblings so young. (and you were so young, losing so many):(

You're a brave, brave woman...:hug:

Somehow the aftermath never gets easier.

I was sixteen and we were on vacation. She had been in the hospital (she had leukemia) and my dad had gone to pick her up but she was too sick. So he brought me and my brothers back instead, because he knew she was nearly gone. That night, he stepped into the hallway to talk to someone and I was holding her hand. She was alive one minute and then she wasn't. I was afraid to breathe, afraid to call out, afraid to look, afraid to Not look.

And it's something I'll never forget.

I don't Want to forget.

I was at the Air Show at the Ex in Toronto (either 88 or 89, can't remember)...over the harbour, two airplanes clipped wings, I remember a bit of a fire mid air, both planes went down and only one pilot ejected...:(

She worked for her dad, and I had stopped by for a minute (or so I thought), to say hi, as I was in the area. Sharon worked the front office. Her dad, Arley, came out from his office, said something to her, turned around to go back to his office, and fell over. I know now he was essentially dead from a massive heart attack before he even hit the floor, but at the time, I just went on autopilot. I yelled for Arley's brother,who also worked there, to come out and start CPR. Sharon was freaking out, so I get another employee to get her into one of the back offices. Called 911, threw Sharon into the ambulance with her dad, called her mom, then followed the ambulance to the hospital. Sharon's mom got there, and I spent the time they were working on Arley trying to keep Sharon and her mom calm. I was there when the doc's came in and said there was nothing more they could have done for Arley, that he was dead. I called more family members, and once they got there to take care of Arley's brother, Sharon, and her mom, I went home. I was still living with my parents at the time.

I had been taking care of things, snap snap snap, but the minute I walking into the house and saw my mom (and was no longer in the midst of the crisis), I fell apart.

I was so sad about Arley dying; he was a very nice, very good man, and I felt especially bad for those he left behind.

I watched my sister die. I held her hand through it. Fucks me up til this day and it's been 12 years. Some things you just don't get over.

I helped my lover to commit suicide. Well, not really, I didn't do anything. He did. He was very sick and in a great deal of pain... and there was no way he would get better. So I held him in my arms as he took his own life. One of the most difficult things I have ever done.

So yeah... I've seen people die.

Khash.

:hug:

I made a decision a long time ago.... if there is a way I can do it - then nobody I love dies alone. Can't always do it, of course. But I'll try.

And it hurts... but some things are more important than pain. For me this is one of them.


Khash.

You have my admiration for both of those things. I cannot imagine the pain to you or the strength it took not to fight that decision. :hug:

5-1/2 years ago. The whole family was there, but I was the last to speak to her. I whispered in her ear that it was okay for her to go, and she let out her last breath. It was very peaceful.

my father and my grandfather. They both died at home. The family was around them. My grandfather died at night and my grandma who was sleeping in the same room as he was, came over and said he was gone.
My father, we were taking turns to sit with him day and night so he was never alone (the first night he was home and alone in his room he was very restless, like he wanted at least one of us with him, so the next nights we took turns every two hours, that the others could sleep). On his last night it was my turn to sit with him and I already noticed that he was breathing differently than the nights before. So I called my mom and in the morning we called the doctor who came and gave him a Sedativum. He breathed easier after that but died not long after. The family was gathered around him. He was 55. Darn brain tumor.

My boyfriend left to go to work before dawn and ran over a pedestrian a few blocks from home.

I heard him leave then a few minutes latrer I heard his car come up the alley then I heard the fence rattle. He jumped it and ran in the house yelling "call an ambulance, I think I killed him" We called an ambulance and drove the few blocks back to the site. It was the middle of a chicago winter and here was this old man laying in the gutter of the street with his pants knocked down to his feet. He was dead.

It really was an accident. The man was'nt crossing in the crosswalk and ... it was an accident.

It was the first time I saw a dead person not in a casket.

It was sad and it changed my friends life.

Lilyhoney

As a relative of hers died. And I love her like a second mother. But she also claims she met a talking dog once. I'm "series."

She stopped breathing very peacefully.

I was in the room. I literally felt her spirit pass as she breathed her last breath.

:cry:

I was 15, he was 19 and a friend of my sisters. He had AIDS and the previous night he crawled out into the field near his house. We found him and brought him back inside. When asked why he left he responded with, "I didn't want anyone to see me die." The next night he died on the toilet in his mothers arms. I was sitting on the edge of the shower. At the time they didn't check blood very well. He got it from a transfusion. They didn't perform many checks in the early 80's.

And two fatal car accidents both within the last year. One of those was a 19 year old kid that swerved his SUV in front of on oncoming truck. I was driving right behind him and was almost involved in the accident myself. Another was only two weeks ago. A family of four swerved their car onto the center divider and into oncoming traffic, and again, hit a truck. That one was incredibly gruesome. Let's just say that the body of the father was all over the road, and I mean, all over, in pieces. I've never seen anything like that before and hope I never do again.

i sat with them both as they quietly went on their way.

:hug:

i'm in the process of helping my dad out of this world now.

though he is dying of old age -- and not a disease.

he is just waiting for that certain something with his name on it to come along.

but the waiting is painful and difficult.

I worked graveyard shift at the local nursing home, we were doing the midnite bedcheck and walked in just a woman was leaving. For her it was a blessing more than anything, there were many more after that.
Then we came on the scene of a violent accident, I'll spare the details, but it's not pretty watching someone bleed out in front of you.

On a bike ride one day, I heard a loud bang and saw an oncoming car veer off into the ditch. The passenger got out with a gun and turned it on himself. He had shot his girlfriend, who was driving the car.

About a year apart, our two hounds were diagnosed with different types of cancer, and both cancers were particularly aggressive. The first dog, Diana, had undergone exploratory surgery to find out what was wrong, and our vet called us in tears to say that she was eaten up with cancer. It was blood-borne and had spread very, very quickly, and no one could have foreseen that. We raced over to the vet's office and cried and held her while she was euthanized. It was very peaceful and she was not in pain. :cry:

The second dog, Kara, was diagnosed with liver cancer, but it was confined to one lobe of the liver. She had surgery to remove it, and she lived almost a year before it came back. When we took her back in for an exam, the vet spotted it on an X-ray. It was confined to one of the other lobes, and the vet wanted to try chemo since surgery was risky a second time around. We tried chemo, but it didn't work, and she was in pain. We took her to the vet one last time, and as we comforted her and held her, I looked her in the eyes until she was gone. Man, that was hard. :cry:

He took two shotgun blasts in the torso.

I've seen about six traffic accident related deaths in my lifetime. The first was a motorcyclist vs. a big rig. Second, logging truck vs. car. The third was a high speed chase gone wrong when a speeding car slammed into another car killing two. Fourth and fifth I watched in my rear view mirror as some drunk was driving southbound in the northbound lane and almost killed me instead of the people behind me. The sixth was the strangest. A farmer had been moving some chunks of concrete around on his property with a catepillar forklift and it flipped over and squished him.

My grandfather-in-law, at the hospital. We had to identify the body. He actually looked peaceful and o.k.

Former girlfriend's father. He had a massive heart attack in his back yard and died. We thought he was on one of his unannounced vacations to Vegas, which he was prone to do. My girlfriend found his body when she hadn't heard from him. He had been dead several days. He was mostly covered when I saw him.

My cat, who waited to die until I came home from work. I was taking her to the vet, my wife was driving, and my cat was curled up in my arms. She had cancer, and was nothing but fur, bones, and a struggling beating heart. She died on the table at the vets before she could be put down.

Another cat who died in old age in his sleep.

My sister. It was the day after her 39th birthday.

I was holding and stroking her hand, and telling her it was ok to go when she died. I swear she purposely waited until my mother left the room because she didn't want her to be there when she passed. I think she wanted to spare my mother the pain of being there when she died.

It was odd because I always feel uncomfortable visiting someone in a hospital. I never know what to say and that day was no different. But when Mom left the room, Grandma didn't have anyone sitting with her and I didn't think about it, I just went and sat down and took her hand. It was very peaceful. While it's a sad memory for me, it's not a bad one. She was 93, had a wonderful life and I glad I was able to be there with her at the end.

When I was 7, two guys were cleaning the gutters at the Graduate Student Apartments at UNC Chapel Hill. The Guy holding the ladder was screwing around and the ladder tipped back, struck an electrical wire and killed both men. The one on the ladder was on fire. Anyway, I was in a playground about 15 yards from this. The first adults at the scene tried to resuscitate the guy not on fire, the next adults swept the kids away from the scene. I went back......

I've also seen a guy nearly decapitated in a car wreck back in High School, but he was already dead...