So much for getting back with the ex. I need a hug.

She pulls me back in after her boyfriend broke up with her for the 5th time, this time moving back in with his old ex. So we get close again, talk about our future and how much she love me....Tonight I took her out to a Spanish reataurant with a Flamenco show. We planned this for the past two weeks.
When I pick her up she is soooo happy telling me that her ex-beau still wants to see her on the side while he cohabitates with his lady, and she was so happy, ecstatic. She loves him so much and still wants him even though she'll be sharing him and she went on and on all night about it, leaving the table a couple times to go outsuide to call him.
What the Fuck is That! Then she says "I'm sorry to get your hopes up but I love him and him telling me that he'll see me on the side makes me so happy...!
She treats me like I'm devoid of feelings and I should be so happy for her and blah, blah, blah!
I took care of this woman for 18 years and she ended up leaving me for an abusive drunk, who she later married and divorced. Time went by and we became friends again. Then she wanted me back. Now I know how fucking stupid I am for not seeing through this. All she wanted was someone to comfort and take care of her till this asshole decided that he can have two women ow, sneaking around on one of them.
I give up and I'm crushed!

I am so sorry....

What a horrible thing to do to you......

Have a hug, sweetie......have several......:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

:hug:

I'm so sorry. I know that you're disappointed and you probably feel like you're about to break into a million little pieces, but...if she's actually happy about this situation, you're better off.

I know, I know...but you really are.

:hug:

I am so sorry maveric but she is asking for heartbreak. This guy should be considered a jerk but she and the other woman that she is sharing him with are pathetic for letting this bastard get away with that. So she is happy that he still wants to see her on the side while he cohabitates with his lady - and she was so happy and estatic ?!?!?! That is so f---- up - excuse my language but damn. This woman loves misery and don't be any companyt to her. I know in your heart you want to be there for her but hell no - you want to love her 100% giving all of your heart to her but she chooses to be with the bastard who is only going to give her like 20% of his heart? And if there is another woman who knows if there are 2 or 3 more other woman on his side. Seriously in the age of AIDS and other STDS I can't believe that people still play around like this . Maveric , stay far away from this woman , I know in your heart you love her but this woman does not love herself. But what do I know ... seriously this situation has bad written all over it. Its good that she told you what she wanted because it would have been bad if she was with him and you at the same time. She did you a favor now run far FAR away Maveric. :hug:

We have a long history dating back to 1979. Three kids together, 18 years together. The first 17 were perfect. I couldnt ask for anything better. She was great. Then the last year she changed. Became cold, callous and delusional. She made several bad decisions. A totally different person.

This time she just needed a warm body until her situation changed. We talked a lot too. Got many things cleared up or out in the open. Something we should have done 10 years ago. We were going to give it a go again. This was the happiest I had been in 10 years.

I'm too old for this shit!

But no one deserves to be hanged on a string. I feel so bad for you because you deserve to be happy and this is not a happy situation if you stay in this situation.

different woman at 50 + than I was at 25. Totally. You need to put your ex out of your mind as much as you can and the best way to do that is to meet someone else.

Do you want to live the rest of your life like this - a "yo-yo" for her emotional swings? Pretty soon it will take a toll on your health.

Try to STOP dwelling on the past - your idyllic relationship, etc - its getting you no where. I know a Buddhist monk who said that living in the past can make a person mentally unhinged.

You had a great bunch of years with her - good - now try to do have some more with a new woman!

Take a class at your local community college and hang around the school - the cafeteria and library - push yourself to meet people.

Good luck.

Find someone else, someone who appreciates the wonderful person you are. This woman has no self-respect if she is happy to be someone's side dish!

better to be shut of her. Do NOT allow her to capture you in her vortex. It's a classic Death Spiral.

Redstone

If not, you might want to look into that. I don't think you're "stupid" for "not seeing through" the way she was using you, but...I think there are some issues there that you need to sort out (especially before you consider having any more relationships). You don't want to end up with another person like the ex, do you?

alone because you're afraid to trust anyone else with your heart...

about himself that he would call himself "stupid" for getting sucked in by a manipulative opportunist like his ex has become (or always was?). One of the best ways to extricate yourself from the quagmire of low self-esteem, which can predispose a person to being abused by abusive individuals, is to backtrack through your memories to figure out how you became so entangled with the support and guidance of a mental health professional. Yes, it will be an expense, and uncomfortable, and a scheduling hassle, but it will also be totally worth it.

Do they live with you?

It sounds like your ex has serious mental health issues that need to be addressed by a professional. I hope she goes to see one.

I'm so sorry, Maveric. :hug::hug::hug:

My oldest, 24, lives near. They dont know about this yet. This just happened. I'm sure they wont be happy about it.

She has been on anti depressants since high school. It was pretty much treated with meds and she was great. We were the "perfect couple". The envy of all our friends. Then one day she changed. Or it semed that way.
I really worry about her. And even when we were at our worst with each other I still loved and cared about her. We've got a lot of good stuff in the bank. More than the bad by far.

It might be wise for your kids as well...It's tough enough being 15 without the added stress of a parent who clearly needs help.

I wonder if hormonal changes may have made her meds ineffective...

I have seen so many relationships fall apart because one partner was bipolar or suffered from clinical depression. They take their meds, they're fine, everything's great. Then the meds stop being effective, or they decide to just stop taking them, and they go through an entire personality-change. Suddenly, nothing is right with their relationship and their partner, it can never be any good again, and they have to move on to someone else to have a chance at happiness...and then, a few months/years later, the cycle repeats itself.

This may be unfair, but, were I unattached, I would never consider a relationship with someone I knew suffered from clinical depression. It would be as much a "deal-breaker" for me as addiction to narcotics or meth. I've seen too many decent people hurt in that situation -- I wouldn't be willing to run the risk of it happening to me.

but misdiagnosed. And the anti-depressants make it all worse: http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/frameset.html

I'm bawling about the little girl, someone has a boil on his male parts, someone's cat died, and your hurting because of your ex. I wish I could sleep, and get it over with. I remember reading your post about possibly getting back together with her, I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted.

:hug:

:hug:

...I am sorry that you are suffering the pain of unrequited love, but you should truly feel sorry for her and have gratitude for your own goodness. She is very desperate to fulfill her desires, whereas you are patient, steady and steadfast in you true love rooted in the seat of your heart. Your love is mature and hers immature. Pray for her sincerely from your soul and ask for the strength to stay true to the love that you have developed through these many trials. The world would be healed from its many afflictions if there were more individuals like you in it. Now here's a hug from me to you. STAY STRONG! Don't waver in the face of her weakness. :pals:

Count your blessings you didn't get back with her. She'd be a perpetual accident waiting to happen.

Now, if I were you, I'd run far away, before she decides that sharing the jerk isn't all it's cracked up to be (or until his live-in girlfriend finds out about it and demands he dump her for good), and decides to string you along again until she can find someone new.

And if/when (with the emphasis on the "when" part) that happens, if she does manage to track you down for "another try," please have the good sense to give her an answer that can be delivered with one finger!

Oh wow. There is something in her that needs to be hurt and it involves her self esteem. She in turn is so needy that she can't see what she's doing to herself and in turn to you.




:hug:

I am so sorry. I'm sure that what needs to be said has already been said, but I feel for you, and am so sorry that you care for someone who sure doesn't deserve you. Wishing you the best with this.

Rhiannon:hug:

:hug:

But frankly, it sounds like you're better off not being in a relationship with her. Obviously, she has self esteem issues.

The human heart is at once strong and tender, and unfortunately, sometimes easily broken. Honey, you're not stupid; you are a loving person who was taken advantage of by someone who did not honor your heart. I'm sorry for your hurt.

:hug:

... and then you'll realize that at some point you started loving her problems and needs, not her.

You're free without loosing another 18 years!
Next time she calls ~ don't be so quick to rescue her! You deserve better treatment than that!

:hug:

but she sounds like she has some serious issues to work out. :hug:

Please be with your emotions. I've always found mine full of insights. Among them, pain = expectations and attachments, although I strongly suspect you know that. Name calling yourself keeps you wounded and blind to the choices that are now available to you. On the plus side, her honesty gives you lots of clear information to work with. Also, how available for a loving relationship are you when you want that with her?

Now's the time for a big lunch and a good cigar, so to speak, my man.

I can't add any better, celebrate freedom.

:hug: :pals:

Sorry to lay out a pity party but last night was one of my alltime lows.
I know that I should stay the hell away from her. Its just that the best years of my life were spent with her. Also the worst years of my life were spent because of her. I thought that I could work around the negatives and possibly get back with the woman that I loved for so long. Especially after she initiated the whole thing, telling me how she loves me and she was so stupid for leaving me and how she always wanted to get back with me.........I now know that it was total bullshit and she just needed someone to be there for her and comfort her. That was WRONG of me to not see that! I see things much more clearly today, and thanks to all you wonderful DU friends I feel much better.
Thank you all again! You are great friends who care and have deep hearts.

I think I'll ride my bike at the beach today. The ocean is my spiritual place where I find clarity and cleansing.

Thank you all. You've helped me out more than you all can imagine.

Sincerely,
maveric

you need to get back in the saddle

get that taste out of your mouth

wipe and move on

:hurts: :banghead: :cry: :evilfrown:

I know you're crushed, but it sounds to me like you're better off.

:hug: Happy to supply the hug.

Tell his girlfriend that he's seeing your ex.

But I try to avoid the evil, passive aggressive tactics.
Although it would be SWEET! :evilgrin:

that is so sad that she is ecstatic to be somebody's "one the side girl." Hell with it, seriously, you deserve better. I know how when you care for someone it's tough to move on, it hurts and sometimes you just ache for them, but you are way too good for this BS. You should just cut her out of your life for good. That sounds harsh, but you can't deal with getting your emotions fucked around like that. It's not worth it.

I hate pulling out the "plenty of fish in the sea" stuff, but, there are lots of women out there. No doubt. And, whether you want to find someone or just stand on your own, I'm sure you'll be fine. Just get yourself out of this bad situation and start taking care of yourself. Sure, she'll never be "just somebody" to you, but, you no longer can let yourself be hurt by her. If you aren't loved and appreciated like you should be, than that's her loss, you'll be moving on to better things while she is stuck being the mistress of some abusive clown who isn't one iota the man that you are.

I'm sorry. Do not trust her again! :hug:

:hug:

:hug:

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I really, really am.

i was in the same shoes about a month ago. a friend showed me this website and it explained everything about what and why women do things. good information!

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

She's bad news.

You seem like a really good guy. Find a good woman. They're out there.

You will probably always have to deal with her because you have children together but please don't let her back into your life any other way. She has issues to deal with and is using you as a safety net. Totally selfish. Don't let her take you down that awful path with her.

:hug:

interests you. Live with that. And meet a new circle of friends. And perhaps.. find person you need to be with. Time for growth. Seems like this lady cannot help you move on with life. Time to move on from her.

:hug:

:hug:

What you wrote seems eerie...eerily reminiscent of what I went through in the past few months. You're not me from the future or anything, right? ;)

Be shot of her, she's unnecessary stress you shouldn't have to deal with.

Hang in there. :pals:

you had your heart broken by her again , maveric. :hug:

I have nothing to add to what everyone else has been saying - other than take care of yourself.

One of my friends has been using it re: his divorce.

:grouphug:

Well, at least you've learned something. Meanwhile, if there are guys like you out there who WOULDN'T treat their partner that way, there are women who are the same. You will find one if you want one, eventually, probably when you aren't looking. I'm one of those women; my partner walked out on me, and is totally devoid of feelings. Some people do want to stick it out and really share their lives. Too bad your ex obviously didn't grow into one.

Have a beer. Or ten.

:hug: