Its 5:30 am and I am questioning " existence" and the big "why" question

What made me start questioning why things happen ? I am watching a documentary on HBO about Florence Holway , a elderly woman who was raped in home. Listening to her story - I am speechless ... and I am questioning why evil exists. What kind of reality is this ? If there is a God or a divine creator if one so believes it , does thy get a kick out of the suffering of innocent. Does suffering really bring salvation to the guilty ?

Another reason why I am asking "why" is because I am tired of being lonely ... I want to fall in love - I have money , I have a new car , I have a steady job , and I come home to no one. I take care of everyone , and I want to have someone take care of me in a way of being in happy bliss. I am only 25 so I have plenty of time and everyone tells me it happens when I least expect it - but I am growing tired of heartbreak.

And my grandmother , I am coming to realize that she is starting to slow down - and it makes me sad because I worry. Sigh , I wish I could turn back time because I took her for granted ... she is not sick but I realize how important she is to our family. I don't know everything - grandma knows everything. I sometimes think I know everything , well I really don't . My grandmother does. My family is lucky she worked so hard to raise my mom , my two aunts and my uncle all by herself - and they all are positive people. I wonder if any other people in my family actually sit and realize what she has raised. And she is going to be a great-grandmother next month when my cousin has her baby - I just hope she stays vivrant as ever.

And my steady job is getting on my nerves - I am happy to have a job but I just want one week where I am not shuffled around from department to department because I am a good worker. How about making the slackers work for a change ?

I am just an emotional purpose. I am not sad - I am actually happy :) because I am feeling. I am glad that I am not sad because with all of the things I have been through in the past 10 years , other would have growed cold but not I , I will always have hope.

Just need to vent a bit - have a good day everyone.

Enjoy the time you have with your grandma. Enjoy your independence. You're doing fine. Believe me. Smell the roses, enjoy your successes. Great big, proud hugs to you....:hug:

:hug:

I can't add much to what you wrote. Maybe go to your grandma and tell her how you feel about her. I am sure that will make her happy. And you as well.

There is nothing fair about how lives and who dies or who prospers and who suffers. It is only puzzling if you assume that our subjective sense of justice must be some kind of universal constant. It just ain't so. The universe does not care about us. It is up to us to solve the world's problems, not God.