What is “Character”?

I spoke with several family members by phone yesterday, due to a family issue (my mom’s health), and the subject of my no-good brother came up in every call.

My brother is a life-long dope head, deadbeat dad, thief, liar, you name it. His adult children tell me they rarely hear from him, and say he can’t be counted on for anything unless there’s something in it for him.

He had a very close relationship with Mom, but (as I suspected) this too was insincere. The more he kissed Mom’s ass, the more money he could get out of her. She bought him every car he’s ever owned, took him on vacations he couldn’t afford, and kept him solvent while he blew his own money on a good time. When Mom was diagnosed with cancer, the money stopped flowing, and he almost immediately dropped out of her life.

In short, my brother lacks character.

But it’s not that simple. I am certain he has a personality disorder (anti-social personality). No amount of persuasion could change his behavior. He couldn’t change his ways even if he wanted to.

So what is character? Is it an organic condition that can’t be undone? I deal with a lot of people with character issues in my job in Social Services. We often say (among ourselves) that you just can’t change people. Their values are often linked to the way their brains are wired.

I also know a young woman I consider to be of good character. She’s been an addict all her life due to being raised by addicts. She has been clean for a year and a half, and she sincerely wants to join the mainstream and do what’s right for her kids. Her character has nothing to do with her past actions... in my opinion.

So Duers, should we excuse poor character as an illness, or can we really stand in judgement? I’ll be honest with you. Despite my brother’s obvious psychological condition, I can’t stand the prick. Not only do I find him odious, I feel as if it is dangerous to associate with him at all. Am I wrong?

Having character means doing what is right as opposed to doing what is most expedient or beneficial to one's self.

You absolutely should NOT excuse habitually poor character. Excusing it is probably how it got to be that way in the first place.