I need to vent...or whine

So I have mentioned before I have a pretty serious problem with kidney stones. My body seems to just love to make the little fuckers and royally mess up my life for a small period of time. Well, the usual pain started at the end of May, lower back, like a knuckle being driven into me. And it has kept up ever since. Not constant; not predictable.

So I have taken great efforts to secure a new urologist, don't ask about the previous one. This was a ridiculous jumping of hoops, as he does not participate in any insurance plan, so I need to pay this out of pocket and submit claims to BC/BS. Serious pain in the ass. Serious pocket change here. And he boasts in his ads about how he is able to keep costs down because of not participating in insurance. Fuck me.

I had my first appointment with him today. I was not happy he wanted to check my prostate, but I let that happen. I was at the point, finally, that I was ready to have the stones removed, by any means necessary. I have been balking at surgery for a while now, being a general wuss and all. Well he agreed that action needs to be taken, and needed a CT scan to see what was happening. No problem. Well, except for the orders being misread and turning into an hour and a half cluster fuck at radiology. But they give me my scans and x-rays, and I run them back to him for further consult, as it looks like I will be doing something on Monday about this. As an aside, I was taught how to read a CT scan, on some basic level, and it was kind of neat.

Looking at my CT scans with him, they showed between 2-4 kidney stones, of up to 5mm. He looked puzzled. Bad sign. He said that none of the stones, which were all located in my kidneys still, were in a spot where they should be causing me any pain. Which confused the fuck out of me even more than anything I think ever before. He gave me, when I asked, a different reason for why kidney stones cause pain than I was given at the previous urologist. He does not want to do anything about the stones because: 1) he does not think they are the source of my pain; 2) they are of a size that should be passable; and 3) I have a good track record of passing stones without difficulty. He does not know why I am in pain. No clue. So I have some follow up blood and urine work with him, at least to work on why I make them, and I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday to start looking into this in other terms.

Fuck me. The one thing I had going for me was a certainty of what was wrong and that it was not serious. Painful, but almost certainly not life threatening. I always could manage a smile and say, "Well, it's not cancer." I can't do that now. I am in serious vicodin level pain and the specialist does not know what is wrong; and the obvious abnormality, he does not think is the problem. I am frustrated, confused, and now more than a little concerned about my health. I am not sure about this doctor, but through that friend of a friend referral, it's been said he is the best in my area. He is also my only other option for a urologist without driving 50 miles. What is wrong with me?? What do I do now?? I feel like I am both trapped and adrift with nothing to hold on to. If that makes any sense. I don't know what I need any more, but I need something.

That sounds like a serious fucking drag. Hopefully it's nothing too dreadful...keep us posted. :hug: :hi:

and clear. Ok, the good points are since 1st Dr. didn't really bring improvement, you have changed doctors. You DO have insurance. New Dr. has checked you and apparently wants to monitor the situation, correct? He didn't talk about any nasty biopsy, right? Of course this is scary, but we're here as a lifeline and support group.

There are a lot of positives and things I should be grateful for here. I know. It's just hard that's all. No bad things were discussed as options yet, although he did seem to ask a lot of questions colon centered. I just need the support and the reminder once in a while. :hug:

situation, I always have to steer back to the positive. It's a matter of faith as well as survival. It doesn't matter what your religion is or isn't, just have faith. Faith in yourself, faith that life will work out as it supposed to.

:hug: