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Mental illness? Or a misguided attempt to break things off and

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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:06 AM
Original message
Mental illness? Or a misguided attempt to break things off and
feel blameless? Why would a man tell you repeatedly that he loves you and that you are wonderful, but once weekly do something so astonishingly hurtful that there are no words to describe the unnecessary cruelty? Is this a test... love him no matter what? Or is he trying to make me hate him? And finally, what kind of man over twenty would play these particular games, if he's aware they are games? I'm talking a man in his fifties. WTF?
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Hugin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:11 AM
Response to Original message
1. Some people do that...
I found this website maybe you should look at yesterday:

http://mentalhealth.dragonpack.com/domestic.violence.shtml

Be careful for your own sake, please.
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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:17 AM
Response to Reply #1
5. That website describes the husband I am leaving down to
the last detail! Fortunately for his kids he's getting counseling and I think he is starting to recognize that he has serious issues.
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Hugin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:20 AM
Response to Reply #5
7. Good.
Maybe it will work for him.

I saw that yesterday and I thought I'd pass it along.

I hope you resolve your current problem.
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NewWaveChick1981 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:12 AM
Response to Original message
2. Sounds unstable to me...
...Stay away from him! :scared: I'm worried for your safety. That's "Fatal Attraction" behavior.
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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:20 AM
Response to Reply #2
8. I am NWC. He doesn't have the nerve to return to me
after his last fuckup.
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Nicholas D Wolfwood Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:15 AM
Response to Original message
3. I'd tell him "goodbye".
That's what I'd tell him.
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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:19 AM
Response to Reply #3
6. I have, about twenty times. He keeps reappearing
and pleading confusion. Then, just when I'm feeling like this time he really means it, he dumps me again by email. Seriously, he's done this four or five times. I don't want to be too confessional (who, me?) but I took pills one time after he did this, and he knows it. Hasn't stopped him however.

He's gone this time for good. I'm just curious what people think is his problem?
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Nicholas D Wolfwood Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:24 AM
Response to Reply #6
9. I'd tell him I'm getting a restraining order.
As for his problem, he might be bipolar. He might just be an immature asshole. Hard for us to tell. Either way, it's not healthy for you.
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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:27 AM
Response to Reply #9
11. He's never been physically abusive.
But he's out of my life forever. I can't handle what he's put me through and I've lost any shred of respect I once had for him. Respect is all.
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nothingshocksmeanymore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:16 AM
Response to Original message
4. Read this and see if the shoe fits
http://www.faqfarm.com/Q/Is_it_ever_possible_to_gain_closure_from_a_narcissist_when_they_end_a_relationship_abruptly_with_no_explanation_for_the_breakup
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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:24 AM
Response to Reply #4
10. The shoe fits like you wouldn't believe.
I have recognized other narcissistic traits in him before but actually found them endearing. He likes the spotlight as long as it's making him look good. Wow. I've never encountered anybody who was so willfully mean and apparently so unable to understand the impact he has. He claims to, but then he injures in the same way, over and over again.

That is amazing. That is him.
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Hugin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:39 AM
Response to Reply #4
12. Hmm... Pretty well describes the current administration as well.
Could explain the attitude of the Major Media Outlets.
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Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 10:42 AM
Response to Original message
13. Sabotaging the relationship.
Either on purpose or subconsciously. Happened to my mother. Always look to actions and not hollow expressions of affection. Whatever squishy feelings he may have are irrelevent if he treats you like shit.
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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 11:50 AM
Response to Reply #13
18. You are right, and that's what I haven't done lately.
Listened to the words and pretended the actions were an accident.
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Vidar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 11:00 AM
Response to Original message
14. Pretty standard passive-agressive behavior.
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 11:28 AM
Response to Original message
15. Sometimes you just have to cut loose for your own good.
If the relationship is destructive to you, you should leave, especially if he is playing you that way.
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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 11:51 AM
Response to Reply #15
19. It's finished.
He's gone.
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 12:09 PM
Response to Reply #19
24. Good... I hope that you both can heal and move on now.
:hug:

Best of luck to you.
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miss_american_pie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 11:31 AM
Response to Original message
16. Do I have to come up there and kick his ass?
Just let him go. :hug:
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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 11:49 AM
Response to Reply #16
17. All I'm doing now is trying to figure out what hit me
so I don't get hit again by somebody just like him. I was completely in love! I never want to go through anything like it again.
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miss_american_pie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 11:55 AM
Response to Reply #17
20. I think
you've probably learned more from this than you can see right now.
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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 11:57 AM
Response to Reply #20
21. I think you are right.
I've been much better and am seeing things for what they were i.e. I was being used for some purpose of his. I haven't been single in a long time, so I'm bound to make some mistakes. This was a WHOPPER.
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johnnie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 11:58 AM
Response to Original message
22. In my short 42 years here
I have realized that games don't stop at the age of 20. In fact, they get worse.
Just my 2 cents.
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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 12:03 PM
Response to Reply #22
23. I think you may be right.
At the bitter end, I regressed to adolescent behavior. Driven to it, I'm afraid. So we've got games, insecurities, baggage, immaturity and god knows what kinds of psychoses to deal with when we're out there "looking". Yay.
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wildhorses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 12:11 PM
Response to Original message
25. mental AND misguided and RUN away as fast as you can
Edited on Fri Jun-16-06 12:12 PM by wildhorses
before you get mental and misguided too!!!
:hug:



edited to add emphasis
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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-16-06 03:32 PM
Response to Reply #25
26. Alas! Too late...
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