Is this whacked out, or what?

My husband and I agreed last fall that we needed to quit smoking. He quit in August, I quit in October. He has had zero slip-ups since then. I have had a few. He figured out that I was smoking a bit, a couple months ago, and told me that if I didn't quit, we would have to get separated. I freaked out and ran off. (okay, I hid in the bathroom and cried) I couldn't believe he would threaten something like that over my difficulties in staying quit. He apologized and took it back; said he never should have threatened it, but frankly I'm still bothered by it. Am I wrong, or is it totally excessive for him to give me an ultimatum such as he did, regarding my smoking. I've quit again, but I feel like he'll just terrorize me, if I ever slip up.

Perhaps he's getting militant as a way of staving off his own will to smoke. But still...

:hug: I'm very sorry. It sounds like he's having issues now that he's a non-smoker.

I think he's just desperate to make me stay away from it, but Jeebus!

I have friends whose whole relationship is built on dramatic ultimatums that are never followed through upon. Not to say that's you two or anything, but there's no accounting for the mechanics of a relationship--whatever works works, yeah? Anyway I'd rather screw a cactus than ask for relationship advice from DUers, so I'd feel weird giving it out. :D

which is why it rather left me reeling. Men are wierd.

Jeebus. Dude must be sick.

Mine has said things like that to me, but I have a bit of a substance abuse problem (I'm working on it and he's very supportive). Smoking?! Is there another issue that he has and he's using the smoking as a, pardon the pun, a "smokescreen"?

He always has been. I don't know why. It's like he's looking for cracks, or a reaction, or something.

...but I think I can understand his feelings of betrayal, if you were cheating and didn't tell him.

Have you figured out why you didn't just say to him, "I had a cigarette?"

He justs thinks I should be able to stop, and that's that.

but in the long run it's going to be the best thing. He's probably missing smoking as much as you are and was disappointed to see you lapse. Try again - and not to sound too 'Dear Abbyish' get some councilling to help both of you through this challenging time!

And as someone who lost a parent when she was only 14 because he couldn't quit smoking - it's really is the best thing for your family. There's not a day that goes buy that I don't think of him and miss him and that's been over 20 years ago. Good Luck!

Is it possible it came more from you hiding it from him than the actual smoking?

:hug:

But he is unsupportive of my efforts, and only sees my failures, not the many weeks or months in between slip-ups, that I remain(ed) quit.

on Dateline or one of those shows ahile back about smoking and women, about how much worse it is on us and harder to quit? I imagine there's probably some info online about that.

Is he the type who'll listen to reason and science if it comes from a medical authority?

what he said, I mean. Loads of people who try to quit smoking stumble; it has to be expected.

:shrug:

As you say, maybe he's looking for drama. Or maybe he doesn't trust himself not to relapse if he knows you slip up now and again. Seems like an extreme over-reaction.

And as has been said elsewhere in this thread, the fact that he would even CONSIDER leaving YOU indicates he should get his head examined.