Women- your thoughts on body image?

When I was a teenager (during the "grunge" era) the heroin-chic look was popular, and my ideal was to be as skiiinny as I possibly could. After three kids, I'd be pretty hard pressed to look like that again, my hips having expanded and such, but I've definitely come to prefer a more curvy form. Even at my high school weight, my body doesn't look as it did then, and frankly, I'm glad. I don't know whether it's a function of age, my own physical changes, or outside influence, but I much prefer a more "feminine" form to what I previously sought and now think resembled an almost boyish-looking shape. All things considered, I think "healthy looking" is ideal. Has your idea of a preferable body shape changed over the years, and if so, how, and why?

probably in part because it was something I would never be able to achieve.

My body has changed drastically over the years, from plump, to super morbidly obese, to simply obese (but fit, if you can believe that). I've lost over 100 lbs, but can't seem to lose much in the breasts, so no one is ever likely to confuse me for a boy.

I like that I look like a woman, and I like that I look remotely athletic.

Now that I actually treat my body lovingly (feed it well and take it out for a walk every now and then :P) I almost feel like I love my body--despite the fact that it is still flawed.

I caught part of a show on one of the health channels about a man who was overweight, but was very healthy and amazingly fit. It was really interesting and eye-opening, in terms of dispelling myths about obese individuals necessarily lacking physical fitness.

If you looked at me, you would not think of me as obese, but you would think I was a little heavy.

Clinically speaking, I am obese, but I'm at the gym 5 days a week, and I've never, not even as a teen, been in this good of shape. I sure wish phys ed class had been more about fitness and less about sports. I would have learned earlier in life how to love to move.

Does it seem like a challenge, or do you enjoy exercising?

kind of like brushing your teeth when you get up in the morning.

I do love to jog. I think that's because I was always too big to do it, and now I can. I feel empowered when I jog.

I used to imagine myself running away from a group of fat people.:rofl: I had sixty pounds to lose after my last baby, and I used to keep an image in my head of being a part of the group, and breaking away, and freeing myself from being one of them. Wierd, perhaps, but it kept me going until I dumped all the weight.

the one I used to be. I'm never going back there. I refuse.

I definitely do.
:-)

AMEN, SISTER!

:applause:

That's a dream of mine... to reform our shcools so that phys ed class is about PHYS ED, and not sports. Let sports be an elective.

pounds. I'd be very happy to accomplish that goal.

I wish my breasticals weren't as large and would REJOICE if I could donate some of the excess to someone who was in need.

I like the tomboyish look and have never been very femme. I hate dresses and other frilly stuff. Prefer a polo type shirt and a pair of khakis. I've worn heels maybe ten times in my life.

Yes, I can believe you can be fat and fit.

I look at my post-baby figure and every way that it diverges from my pre-baby figure seems wrong to me on a gut level. Intelectually I know that I'm never going to look okay and that there's really nothing wrong with that, but I still don't like what I see or even really identify it as myself. It's not as if I'm shaped all that differently either, I still fit clothes I've had since junior high.

that it has. I thought it just meant I might get fat and stretched out. I didn't realize that my hips and rib cage would expand (I had no hips to start with, so they actually look better to me, now), that my breasts would be different, and that the way that I carried weight would be permanently altered. If I slack off on exercising my abs, my stomach immediately wants to bump out- I HATE that aspect of it. I like being curvier though. I wouldn't change that part of things.

Instead I just got to be even more pear shaped and my muscle tone went to shit and my feet got even bigger. :(

And I really didn't need that.
:P

and I miss my body from those days. I don't have kids, but when I hit 25 my body changed pretty drastically. Now, I have hips, huge knockers and I'm very uncomfortable with my weight. People say I look better with the weight, but I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't think it's outside influences that shape my view, I'm just used to being a certain way and I'm not any more. Kinda sucks.

But with as many years as you have left, it's well worth the effort to try to be happy with yourself!:hug:

and you're right. I need to just get over it or do something about it. I know I'll never be like I was, but I think pilates and jogging would help a lot.

word for word. The bigger boobs is what upsets me. I *liked* being small. :(

People say they're jealous?! Please--take 'em! I hate being stared at!

My body is not bad (could use maybe five or ten fewer pounds, and to be little firmer), but every day I think about breast reduction. Not that mine are gi-normous, but, I think I'm a small-breasted woman trapped in the body of a larger-busted woman.

I have a small frame and a short torso. From age 25-30 I've gone from a 34A to a 34B. Now, I know that's not huge, but it's an enough of an increase from me to shy away from fitted shirts...the puppies look ENORMOUS! (At least in my mind.) If I could afford breast reduction, I'd do it in an instant!

Tall and very thin, small breasts. I have been that way all my life. I was an extremely skinny child. It runs in my family.

It hasnt been all that much of a blessing. People are cruel to thin people---like I dont have any problems or even better, being told to eat, all the time by perfect strangers. It's incredibly frustrating.

At 32, I look young, so I am still not being taken seriously.

I could be healtier though---I would bet that Miss Millie is in better shape than me. I workout sporadically and she does it 5 days a week!

Why cant we all just be happy with what we were given? Its sad.

I made a huge effort to get the way that I did, physically. At the outset, I thought I'd want to be as skinny as I was at my thinnest, but as I lost weight and got in shape, I realized my ideal had changed. I also realized that feeling that I looked great was only a small part of what I needed to make me happy. I'm still working on the rest!

and when I saw her, all I could think was "man, did I lose the genetic lottery or what?"

It's foreign to me that you feel like you are not taken seriously. I think that as a person who used to weigh close to 300 lbs, people never took me seriously then (even though I looked much older than my years).

women are disrespected for being skinny, they are disrespected for being overweight, and i can tell you that as woman of the right weight with a mother of the right weight, we're disrespected too!

and it can be life threatening

most of you loungers are sick of hearing it, but i'll briefly re-cap -- my mom is tired and goes to see doctor to find out, doctor sees a fit woman of proper weight in her 60s who swims an hour every day -- and decides what is wrong w. her is clinical depression and brushes her off w. an RX for anti-depressants, a few months later my mother is in emergency bypass surgery for the real problem, cardiovascular disease, THAT was the cause of her tiredness but and i bet if she had been a large woman in her 60s or a smoker he would have guessed it right away and done some tests

i guess the moral of the story is we aren't taken seriously at any weight, it's discouraging!

and that there are some correlations. I think that can be missed in peri-meno-post women. And that's not good.

Not much difference between her and the "heroin-chic" look, imo.

I was a fat kid so when I was a teenager and much thinner...I really thought I was huge. But when I look at pictures of myself from back then, I can't believe how thin I was. Too bad I didn't enjoy it! In my 20's I had liposuction and even though it doesn't affect your weight...it made me much happier with my body overall. I have some pounds to take off...but, because I'm tall and my weight is evenly dispersed, I don't look as heavy as I am. Still, my dream has always been to be able to wear anything I want..never having to worry about covering or disguising anything!

if it is tied to your sexuality or what triggers you to be immediately be turned on, you can't really change what is your ideal body type any more than you could change any other element of your sexual preference, that stuff gets programmed in too early and is beyond your control

if you could change what bodies attracted you, it would be true that you could change from straight to gay and vice versus but you can't, not really, well, -- and here comes the huge overwhelming generalization -- some women can go back and forth a little, but most if not all men can't really change preference for what kind of body they want at all

now if your preference for leaner/fuller figure was just an intellectual/aesthetic preference, sure, i guess it would change as fashions have changed and re-educated your eye over time

today, we do promote a much more exaggerated, almost comic strip figure that can only be maintained by technology -- tall, skinny woman with nipped-in lipo'd waist and huge balloons for breasts, much curvier than the heroin chic/twiggy years of the 60s and 70s but not any more natural

going to happen to my body.

I do exercise quite a bit: running, cycling, swimming and weights. My mother stuck this bug in my head: having children ruins your body so (hint hint) don't dare have children or else you'll fall apart.

I think this is why my oldest sister waited until 40 to have her first, and only by accident. I think my mother instilled in us a complete devaluation of children because somehow it would impede our individualities.

I personally don't subscribe to my mom's logic. I want children and plan to start in the next few years, but I still am afraid that I will warp and become something completely unfamiliar.

Did you exercise before you got pregnant? Would fitness make a difference to maintaining body image after children?

I wasn't into working out too much before having my son.
I tended to be on the slim as a child, but I gained a lot of weight in college. I think I weighed about 155 lbs when I graduated from college, which was about 25 to 30 lbs more than what I weighed when I started (I'm about 5'5"). Immediately after graduating, I got pregnant with my son. My max weight taken two days before my son was born was 169 lbs. I dropped back down to 145 lbs after delivering my son (he was 9 lbs) and I stayed right around that weight for about a year and a half. When my son was about 18 months old, I got into running because it was an outdoor activity I could do with him through the use of a jogging stroller. I was down to about 115 lbs after one year of sticking to my exercise routine. My son is going to be 4 years old in October and I'm still running. My weight fluctuates from about 115 lbs to 120 lbs. I'm really in the best shape of my life, and I hope to only get better as I get older.

The only way having a child has change my body is that I have a few stretch marks, but they're not very noticeable. I can wear a bikini and no one can tell by looking at me that I was ever pregnant. I was 23 when I gave birth to my son, and I am 27 now. I'm not sure if older women have a harder time keeping their shape after having a baby.

It is possible to look wonderful after you've had children!

It didn't ruin my body at all! You can eat right while pregnant, exercise (doctor permitting), and the pre-natal vitamins actually got me in the habit of taking vitamins for the rest of my life.

I had an extreme metabolism and couldn't gain weight if I tried. And I had such a negative self-image.

And there's no way after those kids I'll ever have tiny hips or a concave abdomen again, but for me childbirth was such a powerful experience, that sense of my body having done what it was made for, that I really just can't get worked up about what it looks like on the outside anymore.

but this is a recent development- I'm 21 now and I just got comfy with curvy at 19-ish.

As a teen I wanted desperately to be skinny. My step sister, just being a couple sizes smaller then me, could get such cuter clothes than I could!! Not that I was trying to be trendy- I was goth/rocker but I still liked to dress up once in awhile, and there were some really cool black pants I would find that I couldn't buy because they didn't come in a size 9. And I wasn't even naturally a size 9, I'd say 11 is normal for me. I got to a size 9 by rarely eating and taking caffeine & ephedrine pills that you could buy at the gas station until recently. Yellow jackets and whatnot.

Anyways once I became an adult I began getting more comfy with my naturally curvy body. And I started wearing all sorts of cute clothes and showing off. But then I quit smoking. And gained weight. Started smoking again, then quit again (this time for good)... and packed on a little bit more weight.

At this point it's got me kind of depressed, but I am working on it. Eating healthier and exercising. I'm hoping to lose some of the fat and gain some muscle over the next few months, and then keep it that way. I don't care if I ever get back to a size 9- I would like to be back to what I consider normal for me, 11 or 13. I joked to my mom that if it was possible to only lose weight in certain areas, I'd keep my big ass and lose the rest! ;)

Do not start smoking again. I am totally convinced that smoking messes with metabolism. Almost everyone I know who has quit smoking, after years of being quit, seem to have a slower metabolism.

When I was in high school (in the late 1970s and early 1980s) it seemed to me that a curvier ideal was in place. At that time I was over 6 feet tall and weighed between 115 and 125. I had an extremely fast metabolism and couldn't gain weight if you fed me a chocolate factory. So many people would boldly walk up to me and tell me I had anorexia (I guess they never saw me eat) and that I should get help. I was flat chested until I was 20.

Up until I got pregnant with my son (He was born when I was 26), my weight inched up and plateaued at 140-150. Certainly a healthier weight for me than 115. I felt I looked pretty good. After my son was born, my weight settled at 175. Again I felt I looked pretty good at that weight so there was no issue. At that point I was in a 38 DD bra ("How I went from flat chested to a DD in three easy steps" :P ). My weight inched up to 190, then I got pregnant with my daughter (born when I was 37). My pregnancy with my daughter was difficult. I was on strict bed rest for 8 weeks and ended up being insulin dependent gestational diabetic. My weight after she was born settled in around 205 to 210. Not obese by the clinical standards, but more than I really wanted to weigh.

A couple of years ago, I lost about 25 pounds, and felt really good about it. 180 is a good weight for my body type. But in the past few months, due to stress, I have lost another 20 pounds. I am certainly not a skinny as I was in high school, but I would like to gain at least 15 of it back, and I do not seem to be able to right now.

Oh well.

"How I went from flat chested to a DD in three easy steps"

this is what scares me about having kids, i'm already a DD. I like my breasts, but I don't think I could handle an increase in breast size from pregnancy or nursing.

I'm a DD too. I was a G/H while breastfeeding. Yeah, my back hurt like Hell sometimes. Still, I couldn't imagine NOT doing it. For me, it was an important part of mothering. I look at myself now and I feel small sometimes. Most people just laugh at me when I say that.

but it still kind of freaks me out. How did you find bras/clothes?

With the exception of when I went to the Motherwear Outlet in Northhampton, MA (which I'm not sure even exists now as a store- looks like they do their outlets via Ebay now), I knew of no stores I could find them in. Surprisingly, even JC Penney had nursing bras up to G in their catalog. My favorite though were Bravado bras. Pricey, but supportive and comfy.

As for clothes, they just had to be big sizes.

I'm already a D, a perfect size for me. In fact, they could probably be a little bit smaller. I don't want them to get even bigger if I ever have kids.

I've never had the curves I wanted so much....

And I've been overweight for many years...

This is now getting resolved....see my thread!

And I am much happier with how I look than I have been in a looong time...

Still have the damn belly, but that was there even during my very brief thin period!

So I guess what I'm saying is that I really like how I look now....

For the most part!

And I will continue to work on it as time goes by...

:hi:

Celebrate your curviness! :hug: Heroin chic and anorexic models are NOT healthy. I know there are women who cannot gain weight no matter how hard they try, and I'm not including them in the mix, but aspiring to be underweight is a dangerous proposition. :scared:

After years of battling my own demons with body image, I accepted the fact that I will never be skinny and don't really want to be. I used to want to be a tall, willowy blonde, and that's not gonna happen. I'm short (5 ft. 4.5 in.) and at a healthy weight for my medium frame. If someone wants skinny as opposed to curvy, they'll be disappointed with me. :) I'm not, though.

I am about 5'1" (if that) and I always weighed 100-110 in high school. Sometimes more depending on whether I was in a sport that season. But that all changed in college. I guess I got to be less active. So somewhere along the way I gained 30 lbs or more even. 20 years after high school and I am wondering how can I get back to that shape. I probably can't actually as my metabolism has no doubt changed since then (but my eating habits haven't- hate to cook for one thing, and I have a serious aversion to vegetables for some reason). I work out, maybe not as much as I should, and I have a job that keeps me active (not much sitting behind a desk), all of which keeps me in better shape than I otherwise would be. Now, my doctor tells me that, according to his charts, I am overweight (duh!) yet I could easily run a couple of miles, not quickly, mind you, but I could do it. So I am not out of shape. In fact because of my weight lifting and my job I am probably quite strong (I can easily lift 100 pounds- I couldn't carry it far, but I could lift it). Stronger than most people my size I guess.

Having said all that, I still hate how I look in dressing room mirrors! I can't look at myself in the mirror at all, if I can avoid it. So that's a little messed up.

In my head I look totally different than I guess I do for real! :cry:

for men and women. I'm a whole lot scrawnier than I was three years ago, for reasons both good and bad. I do prefer to lug less body around with me and enjoy wearing those little clothes.

Which is what I was as a teenager. I rode horses and worked at a stable, hiked and biked and I was strong and athletic, with good muscles and a lean but not skinny body. (I also hated having my picture taken - what an idiot! I'd give anything to have photos of how I looked then!) I kept that even after having three kids because I continued to work demanding physical jobs - which was a mixed blessing because I never really learned how to actually exercise.

I've got pretty good metabolism but it's definitely slowed down and it's a lot harder to maintain that kind of body. I don't have it at all really right now - I lost a lot of muscle tone over the almost 2 years that my knee was messed up and because I couldn't really exercise as effectively, I put on some extra poundage that I'd like to get rid of. I'm not what I'd call fat but I could stand to lose 20 or 25 pounds and build up some muscle tone.

it took me a while, but I really like many aspects of my body. When I was much younger and could wear a bikini, I thought my butt was too big. I had no idea what was coming. ;)

As I have gotten older I like my body more. Even after having a kid ( it took a while to fit back into pre-pregnancy clothes), I felt like I had finally grown into it. Granted, I would like my stomach to be a bit flatter, but oh well.

I think that women's bodies are just different than girl's bodies, and that's ok. I just wish all women loved their bodies more because they are all beautiful in their uniqueness.

:hug:

:hi:

and one of her cool quotes was "if the world were run by curvy menopausal middle aged-women we would never have gone to Iraq since we're already too hot!"

Hey, how are ya RQ! How are things? :pals:

whether I want them to be or not. :P Thanks for asking!

And you?

school is out

the pool is open (yay!), I am working intermittently (yay!), I have a fridge full of Saranac summer brews(yay) and I don't know where to go for vacation! (boo)

Even more now that I've been learning the past few years what a great liberal she is!

I've always liked her. I love her songwriting. She was great, I'd never seen her before.

I'm a fat woman. I used to be a fat girl. I was "normal" until I had my tonsils out in first grade, then I began gaining weight. Funny thing is, I've always thought of myself as fat, and hated it. But when I look at those photos from back then, damn - it wasn't so bad.

One summer, I decided to seriously lose weight, and dropped 40 pounds, felt great, etc. But it was thru one of those weight-loss clinics, that couldn't help me adjust to eating normally. I quit when I ran out of money. The weight came back on... and kept on coming.

Today, I am obese. I'm not terribly happy about it, but I've decided that there are far more important things to worry about than what I look like. So I decided to work on my personality. Not to make others happy, but for me to learn how to love myself as I am. I will never be thin. I will never hit the "ideal" weight. But I can work on being fit, and already have greatly improved my cardio-vascular system in the last 3 years, and got my blood pressure under control. If that's all that I can accomplish, so be it.

I guess that is part of an eating disorder anyway. It does not help that I have always had a fat waist compared to my hips. At my thinnest, my waist was finally thin, but only because almost every part of me had no fat. I remember trying on a bikini, looking in the mirror, and crying because I thought that I was both too fat and too thin to wear it (all my ribs were clearly visible but my gut still hung out).
I have been told that I have to learn to accept that I probably am not genetically pear shaped. I should ignore health advice that says if you are a woman with a hip:waist ratio of greater than a certain amount that you need to lose weight. Ironically, at my heaviest when I was slightly medically overweight, I had a good hip:waist ratio but was actually worse at "normal weight" because I lost weight off my hips first.
I do have relatively big breasts though. I am only 36C now, but that is huge for an underweight girl.
I hope that I'll stop obsessing about my body. With the eating disorder and disordered eating I had as a teen, it seemed to get bad when I lost faith in the other aspects of me. I don't really care about my body image when I am a smart confident personable women who can acjhieve things.

a lot of older female bodies in my time, including my own.

Someone posted a photo of the Venus of Willendorf as an avatar here. I thought it was very representative of what I see between 5:45 AM and 8:45 AM while many older women are changing and showering.

So, as much as we might try to avoid it or surgically "fix" it, this is truly what many older women look like, in my humble opinion. Skin folds, breasts drop, face wrinkles -- unless you want to look like Joan Rivers or one of her corollaries. I don't, so I accept it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venus_of_Willendorf

By the way, there is a representative painting on one German web site, but I can't seem to get it to post. The actual Venus of Willendorf is a little raw figure thousands of years old.

I'm the short chick in the skirt and blue bandana-- I like my curves =)

I spent my 20's having babies and breastfeeding. Not only that, but I did quite a bit of it. At 31, when my youngest was 2, I went from a size 18 to an 8. I looked great. I was at the upper range of normal for BMI and I'm naturally pretty curvy. I looked damned good. In the last 1-2 years, I went into a very demanding academic program and went back on the pill. Estrogen makes me fat (always has) and stress doesn't help either.

So, I'm back to big 10/small 12. I still look pretty good. My guy thinks I'm beautiful, but I'd like to be that 8 again. I anticipate once I get my hormones switched around (switching to the Mirena IUD for BC in two weeks) and I begin to finish up in my program, I can get back into a better routine and get to that 8 again. I can do whatever I choose to do and I'm not the type of person to give up when I really want something. For me, it's just a question of priorities at the moment.

I have no desire to be super skinny. I've never been skinny. I've always been normal to somewhat chunky. I've been a D cup or more since I was 14. I'm not built skinny. I've learned to adjust to that a long, long time ago.

Luckily, I have a similar body to hers, except of course my breasts are in proportion to my frame (sorry, guys).

I have put on maybe 10-15 pounds since high school. Keep meaning to lose weight, but, damn, I love beer and enchiladas! haha

I think skinny women are worse looking than big women. Just a personal opinion. I like curvy best. Like 1940s pin-up curvy.

If I could look like anybody, I would probably pick Salma or Hedy Lamarr.

I started taking anti-depressants and all that changed. I now weigh 220 pounds, (I'm 5'6"). Although I would rather be down to my fighting weight for health reasons, I refuse to let anyone make me feel bad about the way I look. To me, there isn't one "ideal" body type. People come in all shapes and sizes and that's just okay with me.

and the whole "heroin chic" thing was a big turnoff for me. I want my women to have a nice pair of ta-tas and an ass I can grab hold of.:woohoo:

After I had my first child my hips and bust got bigger. I am about 10 pounds overweight and it's mostly around my waist. This weight crept up on me despite my efforts at daily exercise and trying to eat right. I really hate the flab around my middle and am increasing my workouts while decreasing my food intake. I don't mind the bigger bust or hips which I associate with maturity.

well, not others' appearance, anyway. Never had an ideal, but always considered myself too fat (thanks, dad).

Now I've come to think that the only thing that matters is health. As long as you're healthy and feel well, whatever... I think we place ENTIRELY too much importance on this stuff and it irritates me no end.

I hope this generation of mothers will do a better job instilling the strength and confidence in their children to ignore the superficial crud society keeps insisting is paramount. Goddess knows I'm trying.

My daughter is 14 and I've always stressed health and fitness to her. She went through a "chubbier stage" from 10 to 12, but I stressed to her "be healthy, have fun, you're beautiful no matter what". She kept going with athletics and then just sprouted up (she needed the extra weight for that growth spurt at 13). She's now very tall (5'9") and lean, but with muscle and curves (about 135-140 and a size 5/6 tall). Some of her friends are skinny skinny, but she's into sports so being strong and having endurance is more important, so she never obsesses about it the way I did at her age. Her body is her tool to use to do what she enjoys, not the judgment of her being. I'd like to think I had some part in how she views herself.

:thumbsup:

Kudos to you!

overweight, sometimes a lot, sometimes just a little. I used to think very thin was what i should be but as i've gotten older my perspective has changed, my daughter has a totally different body type from me and mine is different my sister whose is different from my mother but now i appreciate all of them including my own if that makes sense. I've lost about 80 pounds in the past year and i've decided thats enough for me, maybe i could another 10 but i won't, for the first time in my life i'm actually happy where i am.

that I had spent more time when I was younger loving myself. Even at 140-150 pounds, I loathed myself. But I had a pretty face, and the only thing holding me back was me.

Now that I'm older, I understand that the best thing about my body was that it worked. Now that I am older and am beset with arthritis, a killer case of endometriosis from hell, and MS, I would do anything to have my healthy, if a few pounds too much body of 21 back.

I can barely even exercise anymore, when I used to think nothing of walking 4 miles.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

:hug:

Typed that yesterday during some severe pain. I may be heading for a hysterectomy at 40.

It's not like I was going to actually use these things, it just seems way to young to be dealing with all this crap.

fsc :hi:

bodies that we had. :hug:

I wish I could find a cartoon that I saw one time - it was a woman walking by a magazine rack with a lot of skinny models on the covers. She was wearing a t-shirt that said "I like my body!"

I always think of that when these topics come up.

to have a stepmonster who criticized me just as much as I did myself. If my mom had stayed single, I'd probably be fine right now.

or repetitious, and what we look like is more important than who we are..."

Does anyone else have that on a t-shirt or poster? Those of you who do can finish that quote for me, if you want. It pretty much sums up my feelings about my body image, as it is perceived by me and others, but put another way: the idea that women even need to be concerned with body image is vile to me. There are just...a few more important things to focus on in this world, ladies.

Best post of the thread!

:applause:

FT? TWoP? Your screenname is so familiar. Hissyfit forums?

LBN?

those are my main haunts

used to hang around here a LOT more often...

I thought for sure you were one of the regulars in the Literary and Multimedia forums of the late, sometimes great Fametracker. But I guess your screenname has probably been used by a few other people around the Internets. :-)

but that was kind of a freak occurrence for me :P

and yeah, very common username :)

That's exactly what I was thinking when I read the question. Body "image" is of little importance. However, I'm not opposed to feeling well and happy, whatever the size and shape of one's body.

Do women more often care more about what other women think about their appearance than what guys think?

except for people I want to go out with :shrug:
I think if people were concerned with what others actually thought, body image would be a non issue.

FOR ICE CREAM!!!

I'm just saying.. how come nobody eats anything but yogurt in the other fashion magazines?

I've never wanted to be stick thin but maybe 140 or so. That way I could go into regular stores and buy clothes.

find something you love to do and keep doing it - yes, that's the way. And KEEP A FOOD JOURNAL - it is surprising how many cals can add up - I recommend the freebie www.fitday.com

I have never shared like this before. =deep breath= Okay. Here goes. I was raped at the age of five by a neighbor. I was lured into going to an isolated location by a relative of his, whom I knew and trusted. I was acutely aware that what happened to me was nasty and sickening. But the rapist was never prosecuted because I was threatened into silence. Because I never told anyone what happened, I never got counseling or had anyone help me work through the overwhelming feelings of fear and shame and bewilderment and guilt. I never understood that what happened to me wasn’t my fault. After it happened I always felt "dirty," inside and out. It was a feeling I couldn’t escape, and bore heavily upon my nascent self-esteem.

I was raised in a semi-strict Catholic home and school. When the nuns began discussing (their version of) sexuality with us as we approached puberty, I understood that any chance I ever had at virginity was already shot and my sinful body was repulsive to God, so I was going straight to Hell no matter what. Deeply ashamed of my contaminated body (and soul), I found my body so disgusting that I hid it from myself and everyone else.

How? I dressed very modestly into my pre-teens and as my body began to develop, I hid it in loose clothing. I was that one kid who flat out refused to take a shower after gym class in middle school. In high school I would take gym class only if it ended right before lunch, so I could wait until everybody else left the locker room and then quickly shower alone on my lunch break. I planned my entire schedule around getting the “right” gym class and had to forego some other classes that I really wanted to get it.

I continued to wear very loose fitting clothes all through high school, and that was back when fashion dictated skin-tight designer jeans and body hugging shirts. Among the fashion conscious teen divas I stuck out like a sore thumb, and I knew it. And like most high school girls – and thanks to the media and entertainment industries - I hated my body anyway, even at a healthy weight always thinking I was “too fat.”

So my head was very messed up because although I desperately wanted peer approval and to be considered physically “attractive” and thereby popular, at the same time I was dreadfully afraid of the male attention (and presumed risk of physical and psychological harm) those attributes would bring. From whom did I seek approval? The girls or the boys? I didn’t even know. It is a strange and contentious inner battle, the desire to be both attractive and unattractive at the same time.

My stress level in that peer group became unbearable and eventually I changed schools because I wanted a fresh start with people who didn’t know me. My new school had a strict dress code (almost uniforms, not quite) and I could work within it so I didn’t stand out as much. I eventually made it through my high school surviving as the new girl that no one knew very well.

In college I could get away with different “artsy” outfits to camouflage my body, but the body-image issue was always there. Only as an adult with counseling and some small measure of wisdom gleaned through the years have I come to better terms with my body. Now when men or women compliment my appearance I say “thank you” sincerely… but there is still a tremendous disconnect between what people see when they look at me, and what I feel like in my own skin.

So while I am a vocal advocate for positive, realistic body and “beauty” images for other woman and especially our teens and girls because I understand how deeply the unrealistic expectations society touts can wound our souls and damage our lives… I still don’t have an entirely comfortable grasp on the “positive body image” thing as it pertains to me. I still dress to hide my shape in most public situations, though it seems less a conscious decision now and almost as much a matter of subconscious routine combined with difficulty in finding clothes that fit.

One notable exception is the photo of my back that I posted here awhile ago. It was a photo I took to use as a model for a sculpture I am working on. The sculpture is of a female nude who is curled up and crumpled against a wall, and her back is really all that can be seen of her; although it is a nude, it is really not sexual at all.

The process of working on the sculpture is, I think, a form of therapy and working through my own issues. Posting the photo was also, I think, a form of therapy via taking a risk and allowing my body to be observed by others, something I have never freely been able to do in real life, i.e. never going to the beach, etc. (With some exceptions in relationship situations, but that’s another story.) I think it helps that this can be done in an “anonymous” forum.

Another exception may be found in the one conventionally “sexy” outfit I own, the little black dress, a photo of which I also posted earlier and which has been worn by me exactly twice in my life, including the day in the photo. On those two “dress up” occasions I observed that I felt confident enough to wear the dress only because I was with a trusted other in a protected environment where there was very little risk of unsolicited/unwanted male attention.

So this posting photos of myself thing has been an ersatz form of social experiment/self-initiated therapy for me. One thing I found interesting is that I posted eight (I had to count them) pictures of myself before the last two (the back shot and the little black dress shot), and in seven of those my shape was in one way or another hidden from the viewer. People were kind and complimentary about those, for which I was grateful. However, on the one occasion where I posted a “sexy” (little black dress) photo, although most people were kind and complimentary, that photo also drew a quickly locked flame thread. I am still not certain what “lesson” to draw from that incident.

So. Is dressing in a manner that reveals my shape being a slut/tease, and that’s bad? Or is it being confident in my femininity/sexuality, and that’s good? Is hypocritical because then I get on other threads and decry the exploitation of women by the media championing certain “standards” of “beauty” in farces such as “beauty pageants” and the idolization of supermodels? Or is it empowering to dress in a way that is considered conventionally “sexy” (when dressing that way for myself and/or a SO) while still maintaining that the conventional standard of feminine “beauty” is a crock of shit? Sometimes I don’t know. I really don’t know. So I am still searching for answers.

I do know that I am tired of being ashamed of my body. And I think it sucks that women even have to struggle with these issues, and that this is where society and the media have brought us: Show it off? - You’re a slut. Cover it up? - You’re a prude. Which is worse? - Whichever way your opponent can disingenuously twist both arguments to fit a hedonistic, sexist agenda.

The whole thing is just so frustrating and sad!

:hug:

We've all had our "sister" struggles, haven't we? Yours, too.

D_A. What a brave woman you are to post it. :hug:

...and oh, my dear, I'm sorry that you can relate to (too) much of it. :hug: :hug: :hug:


I wasn't able to talk about it until after I graduated from law school. I think that transition gave me the inner strength to move forward vis-a-vis finally possessing the knowledge to pursue the justice I never found as a child. Then when I started prosecuting some other child molesters and working with those victims, I finally began working through some of my own issues. Since then I've found that talking about it helps to get some of the really bad, toxic stuff just... out. And even though it is still difficult and painful to discuss openly, it gets easier with time and I think/hope that doing so will empower others who have carried those dark and hurtful secrets for so many years to speak out and get any help they may need... whether that help comes in the form of professional therapy or even just the empathy and compassion of another who has been down that road.

I also hope that bringing light to this issue will help those who never encounter it directly to have a better understanding of how deep and persistent the unseen injuries in this type of attack can go. I think many people presume that because it's rarely if ever discussed, the victim "gets over" the assault like so many other unfortunate childhood incidents. People need to understand that the physical pain and scars are oftentimes the least of the child's worries, and that the psychological damage is far, far more profound and enduring.

It has been something I've been working on, and have cleared out most of the 'junk', I think, realizing that the abuser (a relative) was really the sick one, not me. It was wonderful when I finally realized that. Very, very freeing.

Though I don't feel comfortable posting my story on the net (esp when I've already posted a pic), a few people in my own life know about it. I've also had some wonderful professionals help me through it.

Kudos to you in getting some of the bastards. :toast: Glad to see there can be justice for some. (unfortunately, for too many - and I'm included as well - there isn't)

And my idea of what is ideal. I lost 154lbs. I feel so much better, look better and I now have the energy to do the things that are good for me. I walk more than I ever used to. I don't look for the closest parking spots. I can do the stairs instead of the elevator.
I know outside influence had very little to do with my deciding to lose weight in the manner I did. It came from within, the desire to be healthy, a need to live life to the fullest. Now at 140lbs I can shop for the clothes I've always admired. Eat the foods I love, in moderation. I was desperate, I had to lose the weight, it was that, or face a lifetime (maybe a short one at that)of health issues.

:hi:
aA

I have always felt sympathy for the obese because it seems I eat way more than they do and I've never been obese, although I can pack on the pounds if I don't watch it - I've found that I've had to increase the amount of my exercise and the TYPE of exercise as I have gotten older - I do much more weight stuff now.

I'm not saying that I ate only good foods and never gained weight :) I had a lifetime of eating wrong, feeling bad about how I looked and then crash dieting to take of the excess pounds. I was always concerned about what people thought of me. Always worried about how they felt. I KNOW I missed out on promotions because of my size. Who wants an insecure 300lb woman in a position of worth anyway :sarcasm:

For me it was an overall overhaul! I am not so worried anywmore about how I look, that's not what is important. I found out who my friends really are and I can spot a shallow attempt at friendship a mile away. Some people at work treat me differently, they didn't have time for me when I was obese, I didn't exist. NOW, they stop and talk, joke around etc. I don't have much time for them. I attract attention from some of the guys at work too. It's almost embarrassing to see them fall all over themselves.

:hi: :hug: :hi:
aA

I definitely prefer the more feminine form. But I thought the same as you when I was younger. I see skinny on magazine covers and in tv shows and I know those women are not healthy.

I'd prefer to have a defined stomach. Something that I know I'd have if I quit drinking. However, it doesn't bother me enough to give up my fun. Overall, I'm pretty thin. I'm also very strong for my size and physical strength is something I value. I don't really think of myself in terms of clothing sizes because they vary so much. I wear a size 0 jeans at Abercrombie & Fitch and a size 6 at Lucky Jeans, even though they both fit the same. I lost some weight this spring so I'm back down to 104lbs, which is still more than my 97lbs last summer. Personally, I'd like to be back at 97lbs. even though people seemed to think I was anorexic or something.

For the record, I was just working so hard physically I could NOT keep weight on. The customer that was most convinced I was an anorexic dropped it after she walked into the store and saw me standing in front of the freezer dept with a box of mozzerella sticks saying, "7 minutes?!! I'm hungry now! I don't want to wait 7 minutes." Apparently, once you can't wait 7 minutes to eat fried cheese, no one suspects you of an eating disorder.