How much did your life change between your 18th and 25th birthdays?

This one's for those 25 and older:

Think back to when you were 18. Think about all of your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, plans...pretty much, your general outlook on life. Also, think about your economic situation, general interests and activities, and other such things back then.

Then, compare those exact things to the time when you were 25.

What, if anything, changed? Did you live your life radically different as opposed to when you were 18? Did your interests, your outlook on life change? Did anything change at all?

I'm asking this because I'm 18, and I'm thinking about my future a bit. I just wonder what the likelihood of any plan that I make now holding over the long run, as it seems very few seem to make it more than a few months with me. That, and I've changed a lot as a person when it comes to interests and beliefs and everything. I can only assume that change is constant, so it makes me wonder what other people's experiences are like. So, I turn to the most accessible group of adults I know, which is the denizens of the DU Lounge.

Anyways, now I ask you - tell me what those 7 or 8 years were like for you.

At 18, I was about to take my A-Levels, get into University and get a degree in Electronic Engineering and work being a telecommunications engineer, preferably for the BBC.

At 25 I had flunked school (basically attributable now in hindsight to my "condition"), spent a year and a half working retail, had met someone cute over the Internet, and married her and moved from the UK to NC as a result.

The rest as they say is history.

In other words, things can change wildly or they can go to plan. All I can say is plan on the unexpected.

Inbetween those two times I met a few wonderful people at university, had a lot of up and down times, and learned a lot about myself and about the world in general. I grew up a bit, and made some mistakes.

Mark.

and then finally decided to run for congress at 24. Mainly because I felt like a loser and wanted it to be official.

Just kidding on that part.

Sometimes it takes time to realize what you really want to do with life. I actually went from wanting to be a teacher to wanting to be a politician since I want to change the world in a different way then a teacher could. And I could yell at people. Which I do enjoy doing.

And went back to college.....

;) Kidding. It's a good question. My experience probably shows more extreme change than others'.

I went to college, without a clue as to why I was there. But it was what you were supposed to do. My thinking was, "this is what you're supposed to do," so I did it. It was a Baptist college, because that's the way I believed. I had my first sexual relationship there (I'm a lesbian) (yes, in the dorm at a Baptist college - the horror!). In time I learned that that woman was psychotic, and I could never shake myself of her until years later. :scared:

She was my lover for about one year, and I broke it off but then her psychotic being took over and she made me swear to be her best friend forever. That mantle was so oppressive I can't even begin to describe it, but at the time it was easier for me than saying "get away." (I was effed up, too, as you'll see.) As a way of getting away from her - because hiding in my friends' dorm rooms wasn't enough - I started seeing a guy. How weird. We never had sex but we were constantly together, and it was the only thing that would keep me away from her in a way that she would have to shut up about it. He proposed. One night we were making out (which for good Baptist kids means slobber and beard burn - no touching!), and I was about to tell him to touch my boobs, he got down on one knee and proposed. :eyes: I said yes. :eyes: (Remember, "this is what you're supposed to do.")

I didn't finish college. I left it to get away from Her. (It didn't work as we lived just 75 miles apart.) I didn't marry the boy. I don't even know if I broke his heart, but I was an asshole, breaking up with him on the phone. (He lived in Idaho).

Now I'm 21 years old. I drifted through the next two years, not knowing what to do with myself. I worked. I was miserable but didn't know it.

I wound up working at a Christian radio broadcast. Good job, good people. Two of them, older women, took an interest in me and tried to get me psychiatric help. By now, childhood and the trauma of those years at college (Her) had begun to show on my behavior, my attitude, etc. So I got help - three weeks after seeing a therapist for the first time, I was in the mental hospital. I was there two months. And to age 25 and all the way to 30 I struggled mightily to hang on.

Here I am at 43, worked through all the shit, happy, relatively healthy, and offering you one thing to take with you at 18: never give up.

:hi:

then a child. It's been a long road. Your priorities change
quickly.

Didn't know you tied the knot that young!?!:smoke:

So for the first time, I was going to conferences and such, and being treated halfway seriously. That was a pleasant change. And I did have a bit more money, since I was working to help pay for grad school ... plus I had moved to the other end of the country, so I was out of my parents' house and just starting to realize that I could keep secrets from them (not very exciting ones, but it meant I could go out for dinner with friends, or a day trip to the next city, and not feel guilty).

When I look back, I can recognize the same person, pretty much. I've never been the type to shift my personality radically (I'm kind of boring that way, I guess). I might be a bit more cynical these days, since right after age 25, I had a messy relationship that ended up in scenes right out of a soap opera -- for example, finding out from a third party that your significant other has a spouse and kids from a previous relationship whom he never told you about; or going on a surprise visit to where he's living in another town, and finding another person's stuff strewn around. But one thing it taught me was that my self-respect was pretty important. I could have done things differently, but I'm realizing now that I probably made the right decision when I left.

I've found that I tend to cycle through similar interests, every few years (did archaeology as a hobby at age 18, and have come back to it almost 2 decades later). So stuff you thought you had left behind might attract your interest again in the future -- only this time you'll have the job experience and finances to actually make something more of it.


My 20s were fun (once I got past that relationship issue!). And my 30s have, in many ways, been even better. I'm on my own now, and don't have a lot of money, but I hadn't built my expectations on that anyway, so it's not really that bad. Right now I'm at a bit of a hiatus in my career. Not that bad, since I was getting kind of burnt out, and this'll give me a chance to catch up on some stuff I'd wanted to finish -- working on a book, trolling around for new job opportunities, and reconnecting with friends. (I've found that maintaining a social network has become more important for me in the past couple of years -- I was so busy working, when I entered my 30s, that I was too tired and disorganized to make a real effort.)

About the only major issue on the horizon is my parents' health. They're getting into their 80s now, and it's sinking in that they won't be there forever. I've heard, from people I know in their 40s and 50s, that this is something they're dealing with too (my folks had me late in life).

At 18, I was just starting college......naive, very sheltered, very virginal...you get the picture.......

By the time I turned 25, I had been married 4 years, and was the mother of a 3 year old daughter.......

I had become a little politically active and knew a lot about motherhood...

It was a sea change! I suspect that I was nearly unrecognizable from my 18 year old self.........

I mean, for instance, at 18, I hadn't even had my first kiss yet....:blush:

My life was completely different by the time I was 25. I lived across the country from my birthplace, I was married and had kids, I was in a city instead of a bitty little town, I was vegetarian, I was upper-middle-class instead of working-class, and I had cable TV.

Of course, from 25 to 33 has been just as dramatic. I have older kids (instead of a toddler and a baby), had cancer, my hair changed color, got divorced, went from upper-middle-class to working-poor, and met some of the most interesting people along the way. And it's still rolling along...who knows what the next 8 years will bring?

Tucker

I was also married for a very brief time. The years were full of changes. I learned how to survive in NYC alone, without friends or family. It gave me the courage to know that I can make it anywhere if I really want to.

lived in Philadelphia for four years on my own, then to Houston for a year, then on to NYC. Had $500 to my name when I moved to NY at 23. Living in NYC definitely gives one the confidence to live almost anywhere. Wouldn't change it for anything.

were the single most chaotic, continuous, revolutionary years of my whole life. And I'm not sure which specific time period within those years was most revolutionary, that's how much radical change there was.

Probably...see, it'd be an even toss-up between 18-19 (a year in which I felt I had been literally turned inside out and everything I'd learned about myself and the world up until age 18 could fit on the head of a pin in comparison with everything I learned in that single twelve months) and 24-26. Egh. I can't lie: I changed into a completely different person between age 24 and 25. And by the time I turned 25, as a result of everything I'd been brutally forced to learn during the previous year, (mothers can become bed-ridden and helpless, fathers can have near-fatal heart attacks, grandfathers can die horribly, "friends" of ten years can decide to abandon you, not everyone gets to have or keep fertility or normal kidney function, general health can evaporate even in those who did nothing to damage themselves, your country can decide to try to start WWIII just because a madman hijacked its government) I had realized that everything I'd thought I'd known about everything was wrong. And don't even get me started on what went down between ages 25 and 26, and age 26 and tonight. You're not ready to read about any of that.

I hate to tell you this, kid, but you may soon wind up feeling as if the universe picked a damn terrible time to put you on this planet. I'm sorry to say that I've gotten a glimpse of the shit that's going to take place on the world stage within the next two years specifically and it is NOT pretty. To say that the craziness will leave Americans "disillusioned" is the understatement of the century. Jesus; I feel so bad for you all of a sudden. I mean, the only thing insane on the political front that I had to deal with the year I turned 18 was the beginning of the Lewinsky nightmare. At least you'll have DU.com to vent on. I hope. The bottom line is: in twelve months, I sincerely doubt that you will even remember this night, that's how far removed from it you'll be. And don't get me started about what 25 will look like. You can't conceive of that yet.

Good luck. I'd give some advice if I had any, which I don't, other than "avoid liars, abusers, addicts and anything that takes you away from yourself and what you learn of your destiny." I can't imagine that helped you much. You can PM me if you want advice tailored to your individual concerns.

. . . no matter what happened to others during those periods in their lives.

You must take the steps, grow, make decisions, feel the pain and joy, make mistakes, get embarrassed, experience bliss and success, and have time to reflect through the years before the true meaning is revealed.

I'm sorry that it is not easy. However, you won't regret it.

Welcome to life. ;)

I moved out of my parents house to go to college at 18 and, aside from a few summers, have been mostly on my own ever since. Well, except when I've had to borrow the occassional rent, heh. :blush: I hasten to say that I didn't move out in any sort of dramatic fashion and that I have a wonderful relationship with my parents, but that my independence has increased exponentially in these years.

I came out to my parents, had three significant relationships, and met some awesome people. I moved 400 miles away to NYC and tried my hand at one career and just a month ago moved again and decided on a career change. I'm hoping to go to grad school next fall.

Interests definitely changed but I don't think my outlook on life is very different. I do think I've mellowed out a lot and am not nearly as emocore as I was in high school!

The most important thing I've learned so far is that you should try not to let money rule your life. Yes, be as smart with it as you can and sometimes you have to work crappy jobs to support yourself. It's draining to do something just because the money is "good" when it's not good for you. I'm a bit broke now but I'm much happier having jolted myself out of the rut I spent the last year in.

:toast:

number.

When I was twenty-five I was a hippie in Ann Arbor.

When I was thirty-two I was holding my son:



What a ride.

At 25 I was a semi-homeless guy estranged from my family and friends, no drugs, no alcohol, I just couldn't figure out where I fit into society. The world made no sense to me. Various people helped me along the way (yes, including my family) but some people used and abused me. I found myself in some truly horrible situations, but basically it was all because my head wasn't on straight. I mostly lived near universities because that's where the biggest libraries and computers were. Twice I was asked to leave college because of my bizarre behavior. At best maybe I was maybe mildly amusing to the campus police and others around me, but at my worst I hurt a lot of people who loved me.

On my third try at college I graduated with a degree heavy in science. That was when I was 25. At the time I was working for a building contractor doing light construction. He appreciated some of my compulsions and tolerated my quirks.

A few months after I graduated some mechanism which had previously been banging around uselessly in my head suddenly engaged and things started to make more sense to me. I got a job that put my college education to use, and I started to actually date women for the very first time in my life.

From then on things got consistently better for me.

Despite all the pain and chaos, 18-25 was a pretty amazing time for me. I stumbled into a lot of adventures most people will never experience, and I met many interesting people.

If I've got any advice it's to go out and meet interesting people.

not very much at all.

Now between 25 and 30...that was a big change.

At 18 I was living at home going to University trying to get my BSc, working p/t minimum wage and going out to bars on the weekends (lived in Alberta, Canada, legal age is 18 there). In those 7 years, I met someone, moved in with him, dropped out of school, followed him to another town, 500 miles from my family, worked at a bank, was in a car accident, had a baby, found the internet and met internet friends, went from a 'hardass' parent to an attachment parenting advocate, moved even further away to another province, and had another baby and had horrible post partum depression. During that time I lived in 4 different places, SO had 3 different jobs, and I gained 60 lbs. Went from 'barely scraping by with help from parents' to 'independent but paycheck to paycheck'. And BOY did I learn and change during those years - in ideological terms. I became more open, honest and compassionate and less selfish and egotistical. My vanity also took a good hit. And mostly thanks to my SO, I've changed how I relate with people. I was raised in a home where you were nice to everyone's face and complained constantly behind their back (But did nothing about it). SO was totally opposite and it took years to realize the baggage I had from my childhood. At 18 I thought I had it pretty good, until I saw what the outside world was like and how it was supposed to be. You get that distance and new input from others and it puts a lot of things into perspective.

I hope that helps some. 18 is a difficult time.

At 18, I was finishing my senior year of HS. At that time, I had huge dreams of hitting it big - dreams that never really materialized in quite the way I would imagine.

A few months later I started college in an environment I soon came to regret. Rather than transfer out immediately, I tried to stick with it. I changed majors a million times, unable to figure out what I was doing. Two years later I flunked out. I went to a community college for a year and a year later I enrolled elsewhere, where I finally graduated with a BS last December.

Along the way, I met some of my best friends - the people I know I can rely on in the worst situations. They have been there for me and I intend to keep in contact with them for many years to come. I have only one friend I keep in constant contact with from when I was 18 (and he's a childhood friend). And other than him I keep in occassional touch with maybe two more people I knew before 18.


It's especially interesting that you ask this, because being that I turned 25 somewhat recently I think about all the ways things have changed over that time. I'll tell ya this, don't let others dictate your life. Listen to your dreams, especially when your young. You have opportunities to make mistakes and don't have the commitments you may have later. That way, regardless of your experiences, you won't come out with a sense of regret. And also know that material goods and monetary income won't determine who you are or your true happiness (obviously as long as you can support yourself and your loved ones). Some learn this early in life, some learn it later.

Over that time period, I have also been witness to some of the most shocking events in US history, including one obviously stolen election (and another that is strongly suspected), two of the tallest buildings being destroyed with 3,000 people murdered, a disasterous war with no end in sight, and a city being pretty much destroyed by the combination of nature's wrath and a wilfully negligent and incompetant government. While these events play in the background of many peoples' lives, I think for myself, they play moments that are defining in their own way, even if they are not quite as directly personal as those other things I described. They certainly shaped the way I looked at the world.

Went to college, got married, bought a house, had a kid. My beliefs and interest didn't change so much as I grew up.

so I'd say that my life changed pretty drastically.

Just be flexible. Don't lock yourself into a plan and be so tunnel visioned that you can't see other opportunities around you.

I never lost the idealism I had at 18 and I will be 54 this month, so some things have stayed with me my whole life.

Enjoy those years and don't look so far ahead into the future that you miss the things you have now :-).

At 18, I was ready to take on the world. I was headed to college but had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with it. I was almost a year into my first serious relationship, and it lasted until I was almost 22. I went through a lot of experimentation during the four years I was in college, and some of it was good, some wasn't. I learned a lot about myself during that time. I learned some hard lessons along the way, but they have served me well as I've gotten older. By the time I was 25, I had a college degree and had been working for three years. I learned how to fend for myself and rely only on myself. :)

made a lot of mistakes and I have my regrets...but at least I did it MY WAY


shout out to Frank Sinatra:applause:

I graduated from HS at 17, got married at 18, had my first child at 19, 2nd child 3 wks shy of being 21. We bought our first house when I was 21, I had my tubes tied at 23, had my 3rd child 1 yr later at 24. At 25 I began a wonderful job that I loved..but I burnt out at 31. Caring for 3 kids, working 60 hrs a week, plus any free time DH and I played hard..camping, sports etc, my parents were ill..my Dad had a stroke and couldn't work when I was 19, my Mom had mobility problems, my Sister had downs syndrom and needed care.

Those years were some of the most stressful but very happy too. Things could always improve..something to look forward to..

I'm now almost 51..things sure do change. I did find that most of our plans failed but we remained optimistic up until the last few years. DH was to retire at 50 but his plant closed 5 yrs shy of that..we moved to Michigan for work..and that plant closed and he couldn't get work for a year so back to this house and town we came. Now here we are..kids grown, two with kids of their own..last one will be married soon. Economically, things suck but we still have joy in our grandbabies and remain optimistic that life will go well for our kids and our grandkids.

Lots of fun, lots of work, lots of adjustments. Roll with the punches and be very, VERY flexible, and life will be just fine for you.

and a new house in the suburbs. I would say that was life-altering 7 years!

Talks about the perils of trying to figure out what will make our future selves happy. I'm about two chapters into it and it's very good. I'm not sure what his ultimate piece of advice is on this subject.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400042666/002-6457958-4336024?v=glance&n=283155

Personally, I probably didn't change as much as I should have in the ways that I should have during those years. I got out of it with a degree, some good friends, and some fun times. I wish I had come out of that period with some more self-knowledge, confidence, and maturity than I did. I was naive at 18, and at 25 I was somewhat fatalistic and "stuck."

I wouldn't worry about your preferences or plans changing alot during those years. Worry if you feel hopeless, ineffective, and fatalistic and those feelings prevent you from going down whatever path you want to at the time. Do things and surround yourself with people that affirm your self-worth and give you confidence and you'll do well at whatever it is you decide you want to do at any age.

but then I live in NYC, the city of perpetual adolescence.

I went to college, became addicted to drugs, dropped out of college, went back, dropped out, went back again, and quit drugs (well, most of 'em by 25, anyway). I was also in and out of a pretty serious 7 1/2 year relationship during that time.

Everyone is different, though. Don't stop making plans. Life will happen as it happens and you can do your best to guide it along the way.

I got married and became a daddy too :hi:

When I turned 18 I was living with my parents. Right after I turned 18 I was cut loose from my parents' finances and totally on my own. A real sink or swim situation. I learned how to fend for myself, scrounge and how to convince other people to give me their money. Grants, loans and jobs. I didn't do diddly squat about selling myself and the confidence that takes before I turned 18. Well in hindsight I took forays into it, but it's way different when you know you have no parents to bail you out. At 25 I had been on my own for 7 years and was 2 years away from finishing my doctorate. My interests changed bcs I was exposed to so much more just by moving across the country and hanging around with other grad students (many of which were from other countries). Incidentally, my long-range plan stayed the same during that time - go to college and then to grad school, get a BS and PhD in physics.

For me the biggest change over that time period is that my dream horizon expanded tremendously, because I knew my capabilities and limitations much better by then. I said and did an awful lot of naive things when I was 18, 19 and 20 and even 21. I still did naive things well into my 20's and 30's. Will I finally wise up in my 40's????

When I was 18 I was just finishing HS and was preparing to commence university. I was young, idealistic and living a fulfilling and immensely enjoyable life and loving each day of it. It was the final year of the Clinton Administration and, even though I wasn’t residing in the US, the impact of the peace and prosperity that was the legacy of that period resonated around the world. It was a time when old enemies around the world were walking together in peace, where the leader of the free world was acting like a leader of the free world and a time when you could have hope and optimism for the future. Everything was going right in the world in terms of politics and current affairs and everything was wonderful with my personal life.

From the time I was 19 until I was 21, I moved away to live on campus at university. Those were honestly the best years of my life –I loved living away from home and I loved college and academic life. I made new friends, participated in university clubs, spent hours socializing and spent hours studying and working on assignments and I can honestly say that I had a sense of idealism and optimism about the direction of my life and the world in general that knew no bounds. I believed I could reach for the stars and that dreams could come true.

And then September 11 happened. I think 9/11 and the way that the * Administration responded to it had a profound role in shaping my life in the subsequent years. I found the loss of life, the senseless and horrific brutality of the perpetrators of 9/11 and just the whole sequence of events very traumatic and hard to cope with –even though I wasn’t personally affected. I found myself overwhelmed with grief, with sadness and with anger. Since I studied politics and history, I couldn’t adequately distance myself from current affairs and everywhere I looked I saw arrogant, incompetent, inept and ideologically partisan governments appealing to the lowest common denominator and perverted and evil terrorists senselessly causing loss of life and human tragedy. It took an immense personal toll on me

I found myself losing the hope and optimism that had been the cornerstone of the first two decades of my life. I found myself losing motivation and my academic performance slipped (although I remained well above average). I found myself enjoying life a lot less

I took a year off from studying in 2003 and went travelling. I went to the US, Canada, and Southeast Asia and loved every moment of it and had immense fun meeting new people, forming new friendships and seeing new places.

Life since then has been a real struggle. It has been hard to find permanent employment and the employment agency I signed with had a very unpleasant and demeaning person there who basically drained me of all my self-esteem and energy and I am still recovering from the emotional impact of that. I have also had to cope with a serious illness in my family. Watching the world rapidly slide downhill hasn’t helped

Now that I am 26, looking back on the person I was eight years ago, I can hardly believe that I was that person. How times have changed

NB –this is just my own personal experience. It probably isn’t common or typical so don’t be disillusioned by it

starting and finishing college, grad school, etc

with my dog, Flip, to beginning a long career in education, getting married and having my one and only baby :D

Major life changing times between 18-24!
(Well..at least for some..then there are those who still try to be 18 at age 50...go figure....)

i love this thread, by the way

two years ago i was a fresh HS grad and starting my physics and enginneering major... that lasted about a semester... i still love the sciences but its nothing i can do for my whole life.

for about a milion and a half reasons life turned upside down three or four times. one specific relationship changed alot, and a whole lot more changed when it ended...

the last two years of my life have had literally the lowest lows, and the highest highs of my life- and those lows and highs might not be in theplaces that i would have originally expected. im constantly confused by life and hell... i actuially like it.

anyway - my point is that with all these elders telling you to enjoy your youth... listen do em, yea its confusing but its also pretty damn cool...

-LK

it's not funny. what i did during that time shaped my life. it was my destiny.

For me.... I quit doing drugs. Quit dealing drugs. Came out as gay. Got married. Had the most amazing daughter. Came out as a sadomasochist. Became celibate and dedicated my life to work, college... Became a prostitute. Started grad school and started doing therapy full time. Started writing.



Ok my case is a little extreme. But a lot is gonna change for you.

Should you make long range plans? Yes! Just be flexible.. What you want may not be what you want in 5 years. So knowing that, do the best for yourself.


Khash.