I have a thinking Problem

Dear All,
If this ever happens, please get help immediately.

A Cautionary Tale

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then --just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another,
and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it
wasn't
true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I
was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off
the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night
at
her
mother's. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and
employment
don't
mix, but I couldn't help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir,
Confucius
and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking,
"What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts
me to
say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't
stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation
with
the boss. "Honey," I confess, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been
thinking," she said,
"and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It
is
serious," she said,
lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors and college
professors
don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any
money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears
of
rage and frustration,
but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the
library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into
the
parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They
didn't open.
The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night.
Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster
caught
my eye,
"Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably
recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous
poster.

This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a
TA
meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it
was
"Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since
the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the
road
to recovery is nearly complete for me.






Today I took the final step............ I joined the Republican Party

A lucky few will never have a thinking problem.

Seems like an appropriate thread to quote Homer. Very funny. Straight out of college I had a boss who yelled "Don't think!" at me at least once a day. Its funny now, but I don't remember appreciating his advice at the time.