Why I believe the Rapture hasn't happened yet

God's been trying to do the rapture for a while now, but they went digital last year. And God doesn't know how to work the tubes on the Internets work so he called up Tech Support, but that didn't help, so unless God reads "Internets for Dummies", don't expect the Rapture to happen anytime soon.

so what the hell do they know about it?

On the plus side, there's a Hell of a lot less people in India now.

:)

and decided to rethink the whole thing.

Would you want to spend eternity with Jerry Falwell and James Dobson? Would you want to be in the heavenly media room and have Dobson constantly asking you if he could rewind that scene in 'The Passion of the Christ' where they beat the holy heck out of His Son? (This makes God mutter under his breath, 'you are one sick bastard Dobson. You know those aren't pleasant memories for me. Insensitive freak.')

it hasn't happened yet because ITS ALL BULLSHIT AND IT AIN'T EVER GONNA HAPPEN!

Or is it Wednesday? Anyway, I'm going to Jesusland and your going to burn in hell! Bwahahahhah!

:evilgrin:

collection of Jesus sculptures made out of cheese.

I didn't know that you were good at cutting the cheese

Especially when I am still here it would be proof I would not spend eternity with this version of human slime.

Amazing the mythology people accept as divine truth.

run around like total dumbass'es spewing rapture crap. But it may also be because he just does not want the assholes anywhere near him!

Do you think it's any different cracking jokes about Christians than it is cracking jokes about gay?

...cracking jokes about rapturemaniacs isn't cracking jokes about "Christians" as a whole. There are plenty of Christians who aren't rapturemaniacs.

It's equivalent to cracking jokes about (for example) JUST those members of the Israeli government and the citizenry who support them who believe they can achieve "security" by indiscriminately bombing civilian neighborhoods in a non-belligerent neighboring country in the hopes of nailing a few rocket-launching criminals.

Or cracking jokes about (for example) JUST those Democrats who supinely buy into GOPpie-sponsored horse puckey about "WMDS in Iraq" while they fill their campaign coffers with big money presents from corporate shills, and then act all surprised when they get a primary challenge.

Get it?

pedantically,
Bright

I'm just trying to stop this because I know many Dem Christians and I fear they are getting driven away.

...or offended in the least.

Rapturemania is to Christianity as NAMBLA is to PFLAG.

Get it NOW?

patiently,
Bright

a la Star Trek any moment now, so that the rest of us Fornicators, Masturbators, Gays, Jews and other heathen folk can await being cast off into the fiery furnace?

Sorry, Jack. They're fair game. Dare I say it, they're ripe for some jokes.

So are the people who honestly believe that the Earth is 6,000 years old. Who are stubbornly in denial about evolution- or global warming- despite mountains of scientific evidence.

You know what? If these folks' beliefs were just about them, I might be inclined to agree that we should cut them some slack. But it's not. They're not. These "Left Behind" maniacs are writing our foreign policy. The gang that thinks stem cells have "souls" are keeping my relative with Cerebral Palsy from potential cures. I'm "bigoted" for making fun of the religious right? The day they leave my nation's secular Constitution, my sex life, my kids' public school curriculum, my government's science policy, my end of life decisions, and my wife's uterus out of their religious "Scheme", then that's the day I'll stop cruelly making fun of them.

Feh.

You probably hurt the Dem party if anything.

Nope. Never heard that one before.

Sorry. I think the people who read the 'Left Behind' books, the folks who think Gays are all going straight to hell, the gang that believes fertilized eggs deserve full rights under the 14th amendment- we're not going to woo them under any circumstances.

Certainly not just by getting people like me to shut up, or getting DU to stop making fun of right-wing fundamentalists.

Actually, if you're interested, I know a better way we could broaden our party, and it doesn't involve throwing our commitments to gays, reproductive rights, or the Separation of Church and State under a trainload of phony Jesus-based pandering. Rather than wooing "values voters" who are already over-marketed to, I say we go after the millions of politically unaffiliated, socially libertarian, educated urban voters who can't make up their mind which party is more interested in micro-managing their lives. Instead of running away from being pro-choice, expand it to say that what a consenting adult does with his or her own body is none of the government's business- period- and whatever we do, don't apologize for it. Explain to people, even Christians, that the Separation of Church and State is an American, Patriotic Value. Want to talk more values? Great. 45 Million Americans with no health insurance is a MORAL travesty.

I'm not a bigot. No matter what I say or do, I'm not going to be trying to pass laws telling Christian Fundamentalists what they can do with their own bodies, which gender they can have sex with, what birth control options they can have access to. I'm not going to be trying to force their Churches to teach Darwin, even as they try to shoehorn religion into public school science classes.

That's bigotry.

Leftists don't vote. Peace activists don't vote, gay rights activists don't vote, tree huggers don't vote. Let's work at bringing THOSE groups into the Dem party instead of reaching to the far right. If we had a truly inclusive party and included the far left, we would win elections. Damn it is so obvious it just makes me sick that the Dem party doesn't realize it.

I am so sick of moderate Dems saying we need to reach to the right or move to the center. Moving to the center is moving to the right. And I will fight that with every breath I have.

There is nothing in the Dem platform that appeals to talibornagains. They are not Dems, will never be Dems, and this talk of appeasing them is utterly foolish and a complete waste of time. Let them stay in the repuke party and let that party implode from within from appeasing to these idiots. The day they become Dems is the day I leave the party.

Sorry but I hate these religious freaks as much as I hate the neocons.

about half of the Dem voters (that already actually vote) consider themselves Christian whether practicing or not. Your rhetoric only drives swing voters away. If your wish is that they vote repub then I question your thinking. I have the common sense to support the left leaning Christians that are TRYING to take a stand against the hate filled fundies. I'm glad to see it because if religion gets taught in school you better hope half of them are moderates.

If I had my choice I would ban the hatemongers from public policy. They're what's wrong with the world today. One set of haters fighting another set of haters. It's primitive thinking for cave people.

Another I'm not happy with is the narrow minded religion / anti-religion thought police. They have a problem with what other people think and believe. The thought police should focus on bettering themselves and stop attacking others because of different beliefs.

Teaching tolerance is the foundation of the Democratic party and is the key to peace and prosperity.

I'm wondering why the Left-leaning Christians should work their tail off with grassroots voter registration, etc, etc, for people that spew hate toward them? It's because we're in struggle to save our Country from hatemongers. <--- that's serious. Wisdom would say to put differences with Left-leaning Christians aside. WE do not think the earth is flat, WE love liberty, WE think everyone makes their own choices in life! But that could all change if the haters succeed.

You think like you're talking to a single Left-leaning Christian, but you're talking to a multitude, so please, teach tolerance.

are repulsed by the taliborbagains. This is not about tolerance; it's about refusing to allow the religious right to run this country or dictate their beliefs to the rest of us. It is tolerant of American values to fight the talibornagains.

Great post!

I'm Pagan, and I know plenty of people think my beliefs are wacky. That's fine. Freedom to practice them is the point. Freedom to force them on the whole country--well, I don't want that, and I feel no obligation to "respect" the beliefs of those who do.

People want to believe in the Rapture? That's fine. There are people who believe 'The Lord of the Rings' is true and base their religion on that. No skin off my nose--but if they ran all three branches of our government and tried to convince me some other country was Mordor and we needed to go to war with them because It Is Written, and it's OK if I wind up nearly-dying in some supernatural volcano eruption over there because giant eagles will rescue my ass, I'm going to have a problem! And I would use every non-violent weapon I have against them, starting with satire.

It would be mean to pick on them if they were underdogs. But they are most certainly not - they are powerful, and malicious, and dangerous. And they need to be laughed at early and often.

these days.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=1749375&mesg_id=1752647

she needs to lay off the meth, er, I mean, Ring.

I totally agree with your post. To each his own and total separation of Church and state.

I really don't care what anybody thinks as long as they don't drive people away. We need all the help we can get.

I wish we could stop all the hate. Maybe we'll get lucky and all the hatemongers will be Raptured. :)

...I totally agree that coalition-building is always the ideal. It's hard to find common ground with people who take every opportunity to tell me that I and everyone I like is going to Hell, and seems so pleased with the prospect, though.

If all the hatemongers get Raptured, that would be the best outcome for everyone. Except God, who'll be stuck with them.

Have you been to the Rapture Ready board? They are friggin insane. Clueless, and they misinterpret the bible.

:rofl:

Tears rolling down my face.

Nope, not offended at all. The rapturemaniacs are nutso.

Don't be as big a bigot as the fundies.

Rapture crap.

So sue me.

Catholic beliefs. You might not care but I'm sure other Catholics do so I would respect that.

Catholics always tell the best Catholic jokes.

amusedly,
Bright

:D

who cracked a joke at Catholics.

Grow some thicker skin, dude. I'm Jewish. . .I've heard all the Jewish jokes. I laugh at them all.

Here, I was raised Catholic and I'll tell you a Catholic joke:

Q What do you have whenever you have four Catholics in a room?


















A a fifth

:beer:

and I left the church over this kind of crap. You are mistaken, many Catholics DO indeed believe in this rapture crap. I remember learning about it in Catholic elementary school in the 1960s. And I belonged to a fairly liberal Catholic parish. That parish today has weekly classes on the rapture. It is taking hold of many many Catholics. Really. My uncle is a priest and he can tell you horror stories about these crazy rapture Catholics and how they are destroying the church. So fasten your seatbelt, cause if you don't see it in your Catholic community yet, it's only a matter of time.

Is it even in the bible anywhere?

Yet that doesn't stop the fundies from trying to make that the law of the land.

:popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn:

Have Jesus's people call my people.

If there are, perhaps there's been no rapture because it's something a nutjob made up in the 1800s.