DU: The Movie

First scene: Our hero, Duane, a 24 year old, still living with his parents, establishes his moral superiority over all others, while steadfastly holding on to the belief that he is always right.

next scene: Cut to a close-up shot of fingers flying furiously across a keyboard for fourteen hours a day, seven days a week. Inject a shot of days magically flying off of a 365 day calendar pad.

next scene: Duane's keyboard catches fire. He blames DU, and asks the administrators to replace it. (followed by maniacal laughter in the background) He finally talks his folks into getting a new keyboard.

Next scene: Duane obsesses over his number of posts. Plates of food pile up outside his bedroom door. Hasn't seen his folks in months. But he has 20,000 posts!

Next scene: Congratulates himself on his 1400th "rapture" post in only two week's time.

Next scene: Doctor's office. Doctor breaks the bad news to Duane-carpal tunnel syndrome! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" screams Duane, in utter horror. But he vows to type on. (warning; this scene will bring a tear to your eye.)

Ending: Sadly, Duane no longer has the capacity to communicate with the outside world, except through emoticons. Finally, he is committed to the state psychiatric hospital, in a catatonic state.

“Before DU”
To the tune of Kelly Clarkson’s “Because Of You”

I will not post the same LBN that you did
I will not let myself
Call anyone a lurking Freep
I won’t deride your low post count
(It’s only three)
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Before DU
I never heard of Philip Parlock
Before DU
I really thought that Tweety was nothin’ but a cartoon bird
Before DU
I found it hard to trust not only Bush*, but everyone around him
Because of you
That’s still the case

I start a thread
And it's not too long before it sinks like stone
I cannot kick
Because I know that's bad form in your eyes
I've written posts
that say “hey gang, can we impeach him now?”
But how can he be impeached
When he wasn't elected to start with?

Before DU
I only lurked on the AAR boards
Before DU
I didn’t know a Turd Blossom from a hole in the ground
Before DU
I found it hard to trust not only Bush*, but everyone around him
Because of you
That’s still the case

I heave a sigh
I hear Bush lie every time that he speaks
He’s not so dumb
‘Cause Dubya coined the term “strategery”
I’d rather we had anyone else
Someone who “feels our pain”
But now I type in the middle of the night
“Bush thinks he is king!”

Before DU
I never wondered if my vote was counted
Before DU
I thought that moran was spelled M-O-R-O-N
Before DU
I thought The Trouble With Harry was a Hitchcock film
Before DU
I yelled at my TV far less frequently
Before DU
I never read anything so hugh, I’m series!!!1!
Before DU
I was afraid

Before DU
Before DU

:rofl:

:D

Do I get points deducted, if I don't know her?

Her music is not really my thang, either. I guess this is a little funnier, though, if you're familiar with her song "Because of You."

Can't forget kudzu

Good work, Mr. Fields :rofl:

Set to the music suggested by soonerhoosier, add some MF snakes on Duane's MF keyboard and I think you could have a box office blockbuster on your hands :)

brought down Joementum.