My cousins' 9 year old daughter died from an aneurysm last night.

She was vivacious, beautiful... My cousin is a few months younger than I. As kids we spent 8+ summers together w/ other cousins playing Hearts, Tripoly, running through sprinklers, getting into trouble..... I haven't seen him for awhile. He got married shortly after I did. He is teaching at a University in ND. Our children are almost the same age.

I feel soooo sick.


I am shocked... he and his wife are going through every parents nightmare. I will likely go to the funeral in CO.

What does one say/do?

HONESTLY - does anyone have any advice? It just feels so WRONG.

I have a 9-year-old too, and I can't even begin to imagine...

What a nightmare. I'm so sorry.

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

:cry:

Just be there for him.
I am so sorry. :hug:

falling into a dripping pile of tears?


I don't know how to deal.... I've got 48 hours to figure it out.

and he'll need you beyond this weekend. that's when you can be strong and stoic.

at the funeral, just feel how you feel and be how you need to be. just make sure he knows that you want to be there to support him, and that you love him and his family.

All I can figure is that I will 'wing it'.

:hug:

Just your presence will help the parents feel less alone.

because it is wrong.

Some things in the universe are wrong.

I am so sorry.

Hugs and love.

My condolences to the family.

:cry: :hug:

greatest sympathy and best wishes for you and your family.

Things like this just make no sense at all.

I'm so sorry.:hug:

That is such sad and tragic news. My heart goes out to your family. I have no advice other than just be yourself and be there for them.

I'm sorry for your loss. :hug:

How terribly awful and unfair. I don't have any advice, other than if you can go to the funeral, GO. I'm so sorry, littlelark. That sucks, so much... love and hugs to you and your cousin and family... :hug:

I am heartbroken.

It is just too close to home.

The thought of having to attend their funerals just chills my bones.

As Master of a Masonic Lodge, I had to render services to scores of brethren.

I've had to be pallbearer at the funerals of two of my own brothers.

But this, burying my own flesh, is a burden I do not think I could not bear.

My heart goes out to them, and to you as well.

Advice? I don't know.... Be supportive and be a good ear, I guess.

I'm so sorry.

There is nothing one can really say... I know that sick feeling. When my little cousin died, I was hysterical with grief. So sick and in so much pain. I even blacked out the night I was given the news. My SO just let my cry, and that is what I needed. No "It's going to be alright" or anything like that, just comfort.

I didn't know what to say to my other cousins. I didn't know what to say to my uncle. Let alone my aunt, my God that poor woman was torn apart...

I let them know how much I loved my little cousin, and how much I loved them. And when we all started to heal a little, we talked together of the good times, and things we learned from my little cousin, and everything we loved about him.

Life will never be the same, but it will be easier as time goes on. I am so sorry for you and your family. :( :hug:

Empathy sucks. I barely knew her. I know her father very well - her mother fairly well.

:cry:

inadequate though that may be.

There simply are no words. Physical contact will communicate more.

Redstone

I am feeling guilt.

Don't beat yourself up.

Redstone

to be at the funeral on Sat. Can I separate my relief from his 'Worst Case Scenario'?

It is absolutely normal. :hug:

All I can say is, just be there. There is nothing else you can say/do. Be there now, be there next week...be there in 10 years. Be there when everyone else feels it's okay to move on. :hug: I'm so sorry. :cry:

:cry:

My condolences. :hug:

Just listen to what they have to say, if they have anything at all. Respect it if they don't.

I can't even begin to imagine what they're going through.

It is your actions and support that will mean the most right now.

I'm a father who has buried two of my own sons, twenty years apart. It leaves a gaping hole in your heart that never heals. It was the comfort of my friends and family that meant the most to me when I went through those rough times.

A shoulder to cry on and a soft touch will mean the most right now.

I am so sorry for your cousin's family. They have my deepest sympathy.

I am sorry for your losses. I am a parent and I cannot imagine losing a child and the pain one must feel.

I seem to have a belief that everything is/will be OK.


I was wrong.

With time you learn to move on. But the loss follows you forever. It is important that they have time to heal. I just hope their marriage survives. So many times families break apart when a child dies. I was fortunate in having a loving wife and it just made us stronger.

Not a day goes by that this will not be on their mind. Sometimes, like Christmas and birthdays, it will be worse than others. I hope they will not go crazy over all this. It drove me nuts for years. Then when my second son died last December I couldn't believe it was happening again. It is just the hand we were dealt.

With time, patience and understanding they will be ok.

I also believe they will be OK in a few years. I'm only a day or so out and a basket case. They are............................ I cannot even imagine.

it simply is not true; some wounds time can only ever make easier to bear. I'm so sorry, Lowell - I remember the phone call from my mother shortly after she found my brother dead in his home....he was 48 and she screamed MY BABY, MY FIRSTBORN....it is not imaginable to those who have not experienced it

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. I know my daughters will never get over loosing two brothers. Perhaps heal was not the right word. But you do learn to live with it.

"life carries on" sounds so cliched but it's true - it truly is the support of family and friends than gets you through it.

:hug: I know no words to help in a situation like that. Just offer comfort and love any way you can. I am so sorry for you and for your cousin and the entire family. :hug:

I'm so sorry.

There are no words.

My sincerest condolences to you and your family.

What ever they need...

When ever they need it...

I am so sorry. Words are hard at a time like this. Tell them how sorry you are and ask what you can do to help.

It's your presence and love that will help them through.

this is every parent's nightmare. So sad.. :cry: :cry:


:hug: to you too.

As a parent, I have no advice. There's just nothing that can help. I'm so sorry. Such a painful, devestating loss. If you do find something that helps, please share it.

My heart is with you, your family and your cousin and family.

Aneurysm deaths are so sudden usually. No way to see it coming.

Tell them that you are there for them. That will help.

I am so sorry. Condolences to the family, and that's really all you or anybody can do.

Deeply sorry to hear of your loss. You can ask to be right where she is for the next few days, if you want, and you will, while she's passing over. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, your emotions will talk for you.

There are no cookie cutter answers for them. I can relate.

They donated all of her organs.

but the two things I can think of are:

Don't ask them if "there's anything you can do" - just do something (bring food, mow the lawn, drive the other kids to school, whatever).

Don't keep quiet about the child in the future - bring up happy memories, remember birthdays, etc...

(Of course, you probably knew these things...)

I keep thinking about my own kids.

Thanks for the advice.

or it might go unnoticed. As you've said, the child's parents are living a nightmare. But be there, just in case, and be who you are because nothing more is expected or wanted. The weeks and months ahead you may be required to do more.

what to say...just a phone call will help them know that you're grieving with them...as for the guilt..I remember when my friend's son died at 16....for weeks after that I would see something like my kid's tooth brushes in the bathroom and just feel so lucky that I still had a kid for each toothbrush.

Littlelark, you'll probably know what to do when you get there. You're just in a bit of shock and sadness I imagine so you're having trouble thinking.
It'll come.

What an awful time this must be for them...

Was she their only child?

He is basket case.

My heart aches for all of you.

My stepson and his wife lost their first baby to SIDS when he was 5 months old. When their second cild was born a little over a year later, my stepson said, "It's like someone turned a light off, then suddenly turned it on again."

They were helped tremendously by a SIDS support group. If there's a similar group in their area for families who have suddenly lost a child/sibling, I'd highly recommend that your cousins and their son join. :hug:

I'm so sorry. They say that is the worst thing any parent can ever experience. I don't have children, but I have little doubt about that information.

Advice? Just to remind them, over & over, that you love them and you will be there if they need anything...anything at all.

Hugs for you and your family...:hug:

Several years ago, a week or so after Thanksgiving, one of my cousins called to say that my than 12 year old cousin Pat had died that afternoon in a freak accident. At Thanksgiving he had taken some black powder his uncle had for his musket. He and a couple of his friends wanted to blow up a stump in the swamp behind their houses. Pat had put the powder in an empty metal CO2 cartridge from a paintball gun when his mom called him to come down for dinner. As best anyone can figure out, he picked the cartridge up and walked across the carpeted floor in his room to the door. When he touched the door, static electricity ignited the powder. It exploded and a shard of the metal cartridge tore his pulmonary artery. He died in his mom's arms. The funeral was very difficult. Later his mom told us that she had gotten a great deal of comfort from all of us just being there. For the hugs, for the tears, for the genuine grief we all felt, and for the laughter that would break out when various little clusters of family members remembered funny incidents involving Pat - and there were a lot of those.

Your being there is one of the best things you can do for your cousin. Tell him how truly sorry you are. It may not seem like anything, but it really is. That's really the only advice I can give. May you find the strength you need right now.

I have soooo many thoughts....... none would help.

It appears that nothing helps according to the resonses I've gotten.

Sometimes there is no sense to be made.

the pain and the sorrow are too new and raw. I know that it seems that nothing will ever be right again, but truly, I promise that it will get better. My cousin Pat died 8 years ago come December 6 (coincidently his older sister's birthday). It took his parents several years, and counseling, but they are doing ok now. My cousin Marianne said that it really helped her that the family and her friends were there for her, not just at the funeral, but afterwards. We didn't avoid talking about Pat then and we don't now. Marianne says that helps too. Tincture of time.

That's the kind of incident that is completely and totally unpredictable. I'm sorry for your loss and your cousin's loss. My condolences.

May this little angel rest in peace. I just don't understand how life can be so unfair sometimes. My hubby's grandma is 95 and has been a nursing home for the last five years just barely hanging on. Why oh why can't the old, sickly ones go and the little ones be spared? Wishing you and your family the courage and strength you'll need to get through these next few days. :hug:

there really aren't words at a time like this. It just doesn't make sense on so many levels. I've often heard that the best thing you can do, is to just be there. Be there to listen, be there to hold their hand, be there to give a hug. So many times, we feel it necessary to do a lot of talking to those who have lost a loved one. What I've found, is that they really don't want others to do the talking. They just need someone to listen. Listen if they want to talk, and listen if they don't. Sometimes the silences can be uncomfortable, but a lot of times they just want to cry, and have someone there, not saying anything, or just holding their hand. It can be the hardest thing to do, but is the best gift you could offer.

I will be praying for you, for your family, and of course, for your cousin's immediate family. I'm so very sorry. :hug: :cry: :hug:

my brother died the same way in 2002
Just let them know you are sorry, let them know you are there.....
There is nothing you can do right now, just keep letting them know you are there, hug, hold and keep letting them know they have someone to talk to, even just to vent.....
It will be hard, but believe me they will need you, they will need everyone that listens
I am so sorry.....



lost

:hug:

family have my deepest and most sincere and profound thoughts, prayers, condolences and sympathies:hug: :hug: I'm so so very sorry for your loss and so sorry for your cousin, his wife and your famiy and for you and your family as well. Once again my deepest and most sincere and profound thoughts, prayers, condolences and sympathies

:cry: It's beyond my imagining... a loss I couldn't fathom in any form...

Just be there. That will be enough.

My deepest condolences to your entire family.

You expect to lose your grandparents and your parents (as hard as that is) but you are never prepared to lose one of your children and you don't get over it.

It is wrong but you can't change it. Just be there for your cousin, it's going to be a long, hard road for him and his wife.

I'm sorry but I can't give you any words of wisdom or comfort, just think of what the parents are going through and try to help them,

....too young and precious. :cry: :hug:

....I just found out my great aunt has an aneurysm at the base of her skull and brain stem...I didn't know about it until last night when I told my mom I'd dreamed we were at a family reunion and she was there but we knew she was dyin'...that blew my mind as she'd not told me about her condition yet. x(

:hug:

My best wishes, thoughts, prayers and positive vibes to your great aunt

....fond memories of her givin' me lots of her Avon extras everytime I was at her house when I was young...and her blueberry cheese pies at every family reunion...she'd ALWAYS bring an extra one for us to take home...can't make one to this day without thinkin' about her while I'm makin' 'em. Thank You so much. :hug: :loveya:

That would be the right thing to say.

There is nothing more I can say.

My sympathies.

And I know that's not enough, typing it in a thread.

But still...

I've had a shitty day, but hearing that makes it look like cake in comparison.

:hug: to you and yours, alittlelark.

:cry:

i thought it only happened to older people, but not little kids unless it was a result of some health problem or injury.

it is wrong. i don't know why kids have to suffer and have their lives cut short.

i'm sorry to you and your family and the poor girl.

I can imagine nothing worse for a parent to have to go through.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Mz Pip
:dem:

I don't know if I can provide any suggestions for you, except that you can just provide your ears and shoulders for your family.

:hug:

there is nothing else you can do.

I am so sorry for their loss, it is a parent's worst nightmare.

But you can admit that there's nothing you can say, and you can offer to be a shoulder to cry on.

This just plain sucks. I'm so sorry for your entire family.

There is nothing to say. Love, shoulders, tears, support - that is all you can offer. Oh, and food and money if they need it and you have it. That's it.

:cry: Things like this are so hard to understand or to bear. My best friend lost her 6 year old son some 15 or even 20 years ago and I can offer a little advice.

Don't try to rationalize it for them. There is no rationalization that a parent can understand.

Don't tell them that she's in a better place - there is no better place for a child than with her family.

Don't try to be strong - that simply looks like you don't care. Cry if you need to, break down if you need to. Hold your cousin and sob if you need to. It will let them know they are not alone in their grief.

What to say? "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you must be going through." It's the truth. You don't have to say much - let them talk if they need to.

Nobody should have to go through the loss of a child. I cannot imagine a more horrible fate. :hug:

edited to add - as for the future, don't avoid talking about their daughter. When someone dies, it often seems like everyone forgets them because they feel so awkward speaking of them to their loved ones. It's nice to know they are remembered, however.