I talked to my brother for the first time in 15 years tonight!

But, I’ve “spoken” to him many times over those years.

No, I mean, I really got to TALK to my REAL brother for the FIRST time in 15 years tonight.

My brother is schizophrenic. I won’t go into the story. I didn’t believe it at first. For several years I fought this. Long story. Our mother is a functional schizophrenic, and very, very, very, very, intrusive. It was always hard to determine how much of Randy was learned helplessness and what could be real mental illness. They lived together and she insisted to him that he was helpless without her. It still does not escape my mind that he was and is fine as long as he is not around his mother. Anyway …he is 39 now, and he had the mentality of a 9 year old for the last several years, and he was not fine, like I thought he “should” be. He’s always been around “her”.

He (they) got so bad last year that I had to do something very painful. I was fearful for him and his safety and had to take steps to have him committed. He was delusional. It was easy to prove, and pretty scary. Thinking back on that, it scares me on how easy that was to do. But at least you have to have 2 people swear what you have to say about the person you want to protect (commit) is true, and a judge has to believe you, and agree to sign the order. Even then, I was devastated. So was Randy. This is not something you do to a sibling.

He blasted the shit out of me to his mother and other sister for the next six months from the mental facility where he was taken. (He had been in several VA facilities before, so this was not completely new to him). I don’t blame him. I’d be furious if someone came to my home and took me away like that! Shit.

That was 15 months ago. They said this was the last stop for him. He could no longer take care of himself. I finally resigned myself that it was really true several years ago that he was schizophrenic, but this time I resigned myself to believing he could never be rehabilitated to the point where he could take care of himself independently.

Did I forget to mention he is a pain in the ASS?? He’s on the phone CONSTANTLY to doctors and lawyers trying to find a way out of his predicament. ALL THE TIME! That sonovabitch is tenacious! After 15 months he got a public defender to take his case and got his commitment discharged with the help of a statement of an out of state doctor – *sigh*. Well, okay, all I know is that yesterday a judge signed the court order to release him.

:wtf:

So, it’s up to me to pick him up this weekend. He has called me several times! I want to be happy for him, but I’m worried for him too. “Are you going to be okay by yourself now?”, I asked him? “For sure!”, he says. He’s excited. ;-) So, I can’t do anything without the front desk and the nurse’s say so and I call them and one of those gals called me back and chewed my ear off for an hour!

She saw something I couldn’t see over the phone. He is not the same Randy anymore. For the last 6 months he has been actually conversing with people?? He laughs?? He has wit – he flirts and cajoles with men and women alike?? He talks with great intelligence and humor?? Whaaa?? He sang for them. (This is a treat – he has a beautiful singing voice and sings country western music and writes songs and plays guitar as well) This sounds vaguely familiar?!?!? This is how he was 15 years ago?? This is how I remember us growing up???? He was the sharpest, brightest, smartest, one out of all 3 of us growing up ----- but, where the fuck did he go? Where the fuck did he get lost to?

He’s back! I talked to him tonight and heard it again for myself! He is really there! It’s him! It’s Randy! He is reserved

He never did bitch to THEM about me committing him, or complain about his mother who so smothers him and brought him to such misery in the first place the whole time he was there in the whole 15 months. That bothers me. I wish he would have. I think he needs to talk about that.

But, he IS a new person! He is his OLD self!

For now....

Mother is waiting….

I have my doubts….. (sorry)....

I was planning on getting out of Dodge before this happened. My plans will not change, in fact, they may escalate .....

Am I an asshole or what?!?!?! ....

I. don’t. care.

...wish you the best.
family stuff can be a real crock of shit but when things work out it feels pretty damn good.
i hope you can make progress.
siblings are supposed to take care of each other, on more or less an equal footing, when they're old. hope you get there.

Prepare for the worst, but plan to be pleasantly surprised when the BEST happens. And always, ALWAYS have faith that it will be the best that does happen!

But I hope everything works out

Amazing strides have been made in decoding the chemical variances which may take a heavy toll on mental health. Getting decent medical help can make it a lot more productive to deal with the environmental crap.

Hope your family gets better. Sounds like some steps in the right direction have been made. You did a brave and caring thing. Never, never beat yourself up for the steps you had the courage to take when you knew the situation was beyond the safety range.

Merry Christmas, Booberdawg. I generally enjoy your interesting posts.
Be good to yourself.

from "highway patrolman"

ain't it the truth.

glad for ya'

not nearly as bad but there`s alot of the same problems. you are not an ass, you`re just protecting yourself as you should in this situation. as soon as your mother and brother get back together it`s back to the same disfuntion as before. he may be fine now but i doubt he`ll be able to stop his dependence on his mom. my wife after 30years of trying to keep things together in her family finally gave up,she decided there was nothing she could ever do to change the dynamics of what her mother did to the relationships between her brothers and sisters. i know,it`s tough to see what should be....

Thanks. ;)

Well, I call her my baby sister just for shits and grins, but she is 34 years old now, married and has 3 kids, and has always been very wise beyond her years.

Here is her message, verbatim:


Holy Shit. I cant think of anything else besides that. Just holy shit. Get out while you can before anything else happens. Its over. Let them figure shit out. Get out and don't look back

She's right. This is good advice.

My gut feeling is that as long as he's returned to the same environment, he will most likely revert. His mother seems to want him to be "sick" and he obliges (not consciously, necessarily). He needs to get away from her and learn to be his own person, which, evidently, he was able to do while in the mental facility. (Repeat...just my gut feeling.)

I'm glad you were able to visit with your REAL brother, and I can only hope he will find the strength to reject his mother's influence and not let her drag him down again.