Once Pristine Litterbox Viciously Vandalized

(Roswell, GA) -- Local domestic cats Lenny and Chloe were alarmed recently when they returned from their afternoon meal to find their litterbox "totally trashed". What previously had been a cleanly raked layer of unspoiled litter had become, according to humans Susan and Bill, "one totally disgusting mound of shit."

The couple had left for work earlier that morning after just having cleaned the litterbox. Bill returned home later that afternoon to find that the box had become even dirtier than its previously unkempt state. "It's like a mountain lion with dysintery camped in that box for days," he said. "Just look at the piles. And dear God -- that smell."

Local police report that there was no visible forced entry into the family's home. Officer Dan Ruszkowski of the Roswell police said that they determined that the litterbox was vandalized sometime between 10am and 12:30pm. Additional evidence also suggests that the perpetrator could have brought his own toilet paper as none was taken or used at the residence. Nothing else in the couple's apartment was disturbed.

"The stool sample that we sent off to the state crime lab shows that our culprit has a high protein diet," says officer Ruszkowski. "We also know that this vandal has struck before. He is very prolific," he added.

The vandal, either man or beast, has left a trail of grotesque deposits around local park benches, on curbs in the greater downtown area and in supermarket parking lots. Citizens have complained for years about the inordinate amount of mischievous crapola.

Police have not ruled out that this may be a gang of befoulers.

"The Roswell police have had undercover operatives working this area for years - trying to infiltrate any organized vandal operation," says officer Ruszkowski, "but so far the discovery of such a gang has been fruitless." Fruitless, perhaps in crime fighting, but adding to the already copious amounts of publicly deposited dung.

"You'd think that by now, some organized outfit would have noticed the strains our undercover officers, with and without their K-9 units, have made," adds Ruszkowski, "and welcomed them into the gang's fold. But you sure can bet that we'll keep trying - even doubling our efforts if we have to."

(Copyright 2003 by Oz News. All Rights Reserved.)

no humongous piles in the box!

Large grey, smokey looking feline seen sneaking through bushes outside Chez Ozymandius. Probability is high that this is the notorious Osama bin Pooky, a well know litter box terrorist, know to reside in Texas. Bin Pooky has been associated with numerous acts of litterbox terror, including the planting of near lethal improvised (and potentially explosive) stinkbombs in the litterboxes of two other victims, one Ms. Tootsie Siam, and one Mr. DC Alphacat. When questioned about the incidents, Ms. Siam stated, "Meow, meowmeow, phooey!). Mr. Alphacat declined comment on the grounds of nausea. Bin Pooky has been spotted from time to time, stealing food from other feeding dishes also, just to keep his enemies weak, and is know to be opportunistic in his terror attacks, leaving no trail. He is known to wipe his paws fastidiously on the nearest object (usually a human object of clothing) to destroy the evidence. He should be considered armed and odoriferous. :evilgrin: