Sports announcers :eyes:

Some Faux Sprots schmuck to some Cardinal:

"Tomorrow night, Jeff Weaver (pitching). How confident are you that your offense can come back?"

Gotta wonder what the Faux schmuck would do if the guy said, "We have no confidence. We want to quit right now. We suck."

I wish somebody would. Just once.

I just threw up in my mouth a little watching the NBC side-line reporter interview Champ Bailey after the Denver/Oakland game. She was so obviously reading the cue cards and paying zero attention to his answer that it was laughable (actually, I think he was laughing a bit at how little sense the questions made).

They need to end the practice entirely, get some genuinely good reporters, or just shift entirely over to the WWF style of athlete interview...

a la the "know your cliches" scene in "Bull Durham." And the announcers have succumbed, asking questions designed to elicit a sound bite. And, you're right — I doubt they ever hear the responses.



Would you like to wrap it all up tomorrow night?

No, we'd rather take it to a seventh game. That'd increase the chances of blowing it, but it'd be good for the fans and the owners, so that's what we want.

What was it like being in the on-deck circle when Doofus homered?

I was scared to death, man! I was praying he'd do it so I wouldn't have to go up there and hit. I hate the clutch. I choke in the clutch. I'm quitting baseball because there's too much pressure.

Is this the best team you've ever played on?

You kidding? This ball club SUCKS! Christ, we lost 31 of our last 50 and BACKED into the playoffs! We don't deserve to be here! I'm ashamed to wear this uniform, but they pay me a shitload of money to do it."



Oh, yeah. :rofl:

and come back to this thread and pretend I'm hearing these quotes...it'll be a lot more meaningful!

"If Chicago wants to win today, there are several key points to remember. They need to get a running game going to move the ball, get position, and establish a running threat. They will also have to pass the ball well, get some big plays, and score on as many drives as they can.

"They also will want to control their opponent's passing game and shut down the run."


Well, no shit.

:shrug:

:rofl:

I've heard a bunch of variations on that theme: "If Team A can score a bunch of points early then shut down Team B's offense, they'll be in a good position to win this game."

a box of rocks. I've watched enough football games to understand the idea behind the sport. That also includes other sports.

...the inane formula is pretty much the same. Our football (soccer) players say things like:

'its a game of two halves' = its not over till its over
'we had a mountain to climb' = it was a tough game
'we're over the moon' = we're happy to win
'we're sick as a parrot' = we're sad we lost

Players trot this stuff out in aftergame interviews with unrelenting regularity. There must be a training course somewhere that teaches them.

That reminds me of a Python bit. (Gee, there's a surprise.)



"From the plastic arts we turn to football. Last night in the Stadium of Light, Jarrow, we witnessed the resuscitation of a great footballing tradition, when Jarrow United came of age, in a European sense, with an almost Proustian display of modern existentialist football. Virtually annihilating by midfield moral argument the now surely obsolescent catennachio defensive philosophy of Signor Alberto Fanffino. Bologna indeed were a side intellectually out argued by a Jarrow team thrusting and bursting with aggressive Kantian positivism and outstanding in this fine Jarrow team was my man of the match, the arch-thinker, free scheming, scarcely ever to be curbed, midfield cognoscento, Jimmy Buzzard."

"Good evening, Brian."

"Jimmy, at least one aging football commentator was gladdened last night by the sight of an English footballer breaking free of the limpid tentacles of packed Mediterranean defence."

"Good evening, Brian."

"Were you surprised at the way the Italians ceded midfield dominance so early on in the game?"

"Well, Brian... I'm opening a boutique."

"This is of course symptomatic of a new breed of footballer as it is indeed symptomatic of your whole genre of player, is it not?"

"Good evening, Brian."

"What I'm getting at, Jimmy, is you seem to have discovered a new concept with a mode in which you dissected the Italian defence last night."

"I hit the ball first time and there it was in the back of the net!"

"Do you think Jarrow will adopt a more defensive posture for the first leg of the next tie in Turkey?"

"I hit the ball first time and there it was in the back of the net!"

"Yes, yes — but have you any plans for dealing with the free-scoring Turkish forwards?"

"Well, Brian... I'm opening a boutique."



:rofl:

The Python sketch was poking fun at ridiculous commentary nearly 40 years ago, and things have only got worse in the intervening years. Possibly the worst parts are the studio discussions before and after the match, and during halftime. That's where most of the assinine ("well, the best way for Chelsea to win is to score more goals than ManU") stuff is said.

An added dimension of absurdity is added by the fact that a large proportion of the top professional players in the UK aren't British. They're Italian, French, Swedish, Argentinian, Brazilian, Moroccan and anywhere else you can think of. All of them have seem to have learned just enough English to wheel out the "game of two halves" "sick as a parrot" routine, without seeming to know or care what any of it means. Interviews, therefore, are like Kabuki: each side acting out a stylized series of moves, conveying little more than the ritual itself.