When greeting-card writers say what they really think

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat.

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

__________


Heard your wife left you.

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

__________


Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

__________


Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

__________


How could two people as beautiful as you

have such an ugly baby?

__________


I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you...

I've changed my mind.

__________


I must admit, you brought religion into my life.

I never believed in hell until I met you.

__________


As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

that you're not here to ruin it for me.

__________


Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

__________


Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

__________


Happy birthday!

You look great for your age.

Almost lifelike!

__________


When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

__________


We have been friends for a very long time.

What say we stop?

__________


I'm so miserable without you

It's almost like you're here.

__________


Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

__________


Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

__________


So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side —

it's really good pay.

Thanks...those rang quite a few bells here!

:D

I once considered making a line of 'alternatively sympathetic' condolence cards, with inscriptions like

"With deepest sympathy, on your discovery that the useless old bastard let his life insurance lapse."

or,

"Thinking of you at your time of loss. What are you doing next Friday?"

I feared it would be tough getting them to market, however, so I dropped the idea.

who self-marketed generic Christmas cards. They were on plain white stock, with "Christmas card" on the outside in a generic font, and nothing inside.

I bought a box and sent 'em out that year. :rofl:

There's something almost Zen about that. As well as being hilarious.

I just noticed this is the third post by you in an hour that I've laughed at.
Thanks!:hi:

:hug: :hi:

I'm throwing a party
We're all excited
And mainly because
You're not invited

and your horny mother, too!

no pay, but lay :evilgrin:

:ROFL: