Beagle shot down by little green men

In light of yet another attempt by European scientists and engineers to contact the Beagle, the European probe that landed on the planet Mars Thursday, a new theory is being floated about the fate of the spacecraft.

"It was shot down by the little green men," said Nigel Ninny, a leading engineer on the project. "This shows that not only does life exist on Mars, but intelligent life. It's far more than we could have hoped for."

"Thus, the failure of the mission shows that the canals and the mysterious face first photographed by Viking I in the seventies were all the products of intelligent life," said Ninny.

"It also explains all of the other recent failures of missions to Mars," Ninny continued. "Obviously, the Martians fear invasion. They do not want there existence known. As if we had any bad intentions. We earthlings are always benevolent."

Ninny was asked about the possibility of other explanations for the failure to raise a signal from the Beagle, such as mechanical failure. "Nonsense," said Ninny. "We are the best scientists and engineers in the world. We don't make mistakes."

When pressed to show direct evidence that Martians exist in the face of skepticism, Ninny said, "We know they're there. The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence."

In Washington, when told of Professor Ninny's theory, US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said that it proved that Martians were poorly disposed to the people of the earth and had terrorist connections. "We must issue them an ultimatum," said Rumsfeld. "Either they allow our probes to enter unrestricted, or we will liberate them."

When asked if such a project would cost US taxpayers billions, Rumsfeld said, "Is that too much to pay for our planetary security? Besides, we can do this for a lot less money than you think. The Martian leader is a brutal dictator and the people of Mars will welcome our force with open arms."

When asked if US transnational corporations could profit from invading Mars in light of untapped iron deposits on the planet, Rumsfeld said, "Nonsense. That has nothing to do with it. What are you implying? Besides, it won't be an invasion. It will be a liberation. Let's be clear about that. The United States doesn't invade. We liberate. And we don't expropriate the natural resources of nations or planets we liberate. We allow the people of that nation or planet to use those resources to shoulder the cost of their reconstruction."

"Nigel Ninny" -- LOL

All they need to do w/ the Beagle is shut all its windows & open them again.

Thanks