would anyone be willing

to tell me it's going to be okay, and it's all going to work out?

I would do the same for you, if you need me to.

Right now, I really need to hear that.

It really is going to be okay. :hug: Really.

it means alot, just hearing (reading it).

:hug: back.

You'll see. It will.

:hug::hug::hug:

It'll be okay.

:hug::hug:

I know it will, I just don't know the 5 w's and the H. :(

:hug:

they always seem to.

And while they're sorting themselves out, with a little help from us, you'll be fine. We'll see to it.

:hug::hug::hug:

take it, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. We are here for you.

Breathe. And 'one day at at time'.

I actually kick serious ass in adversity...I just never thought I'd be revisiting this kind of crap at my age. I'm supposed to have my shit together by now, you know?

thanks. :hug:

when something depressing is playing over and over again in my mind is shout loudly “STOP THAT” in my head. Okay when I’m alone I shout it out loud. I am always surprised about how often I think about the one thing I don’t want to think about.

In life, I have found books are a safe place to park my heart and mind for awhile. The Lord of the Rings have been a safe haven since I was seventeen when both my parents where killed. The internet is also a nice (can’t always say safe) place to while away time. So hang in there. We’ve all been there.

:hug:

My book like that is "The Mists of Avalon". I just adore that book, now it's in three pieces so I have to read it one 'section' at a time.

You are right about the internet not always being safe, and I was meditating very hard on that on the way home tonight. I am learning about that, and about setting boundaries. I got into a serious mess on the net about 6 months ago, and I'm in a situation where I could easily get myself into another equally messy but different kind of mess. It seems cyber-space has a wide variety of messes with which to complicate your life. I've already fallen in one hole so I hope I don't fall in another.

Even though it was a long time ago, I still have a pity party, every now and then. That’s just part of life.

Now, I find I’m most miserable before I make a decision on something. After I’ve made up my mind I’m fine. I just steel myself for the consequences if I have to.

So mull it over. Look at all your options. See which one works best “for you”. Then let the chips fall where they may. I can live with my own mistake better than someone else’s mistakes made for me.

well, not taking action on something because of flashbacks and anxiety, and no money for professional help. It just kind of feels like the walls are closing in. But I know...I've been through this before, specifically being without a car, and I completely went to the ends of the earth to get things done that I needed, even riding 15 miles to work on a bike and bumming rides home every night. I just hate being dependent and having to ask for help. And now I can't ask, because of whatever is going on in my psyche it just feels like a meltdown when I try to approach dealing with this situation. It's unrelated blowback from an even that happened a while back and my mind has them all mixed up, and I can't seem to fix it.

Anyhoo, enough of my waxing and whining. Again, I'm sorry about your folks; I think there is a world of difference between grieving and self-pity, and yours sounds like legitimate grief.

My husband and I had been married less than a year. We moved to the big, big city to make loads of cash that was there for the taking. Yea right . Well we had a car but not much money for gas. His job was not that far from the lovely apartment we lived in, so he rode his bike to work. I remember crying so hard the day it rained and he had to ride to work in a downpour. But time has been kind and now I can laugh. You see my long suffering husband (29 years and counting) used white garbage bags to cover his torso and head. Yes he looked like a member of the KKK on that bike.

I hate being dependent on anyone too, but sometime you just need to grin and bare it, asking for help that is. Then when you get older you can pass that kindness on to others.

I have found in life the real hard asses where either folks who had life real easy or those who really needed help that didn’t come.
On edit what I meant was this may help you prevent someone else from becoming a hard ass by showing them a kindness that someone gave to you. So this happened to you so there would be less hard asses lol.

I know what that is like, riding in a downpour. Bless his heart, I hope he didn't get sick, that is a funny anecdote and I've been there. I would gladly ride here, I love to ride, but it is just too dangerous, the people here will run you off the road in a heartbeat. Lol, it kills me because this is the Charlotte area and when I did so much riding out of necessity it was nowhereville South Carolina and I only had a couple minor scares, people for the most part were very compatible with dealing with bikes on the road.

It sounds like you two have been through the ringer together, and that is what makes a couple strong, what they have been through together...congratulations on such a long-term marriage, I envy that.

"I have found in life the real hard asses where either folks who had life real easy or those who really needed help that didn’t come."

My Granny was like that, bless her heart, she was a bonafide, 100% hard-ass, for the second reason you mention. I miss her so, I helped care for her until she passed in 2003. I remember when my aunt's abusive husband was causing trouble and she and my granddad had to go over there, legend has it he smarted off to my grandmother and lifted his hand up like he was going to hit her and she just gritted her teeth and looked at him and said "I'll put you six feet under..." and he was so shocked he backed down and walked away. She was unflappable...and I wondered what in life had made her this way, but she never told anyone. I know it wasn't good, whatever it was. I wish I had half her strength. There's a quote from a Dorothy Allison short story I keep thinking about in my head right now where she tells her mom that she thinks she's going to go crazy, and her Mom tells her, "Our people do not go crazy. Instead, we stand up 20 years later, pie-eyed and toothless, naming our enemies and outliving them". I don't necessarily want to be pie-eyed or toothless, lol, but I want to have that resolve that no matter what happens, I'm not going anywhere.

With that kind of role model I know you will find the strength to live through these hard times. I love what you said about her defiant strength in adversity. I believe your right, she wasn't born that way, she was made that way by life. You sound like you are between the hammer and anvil right now. I bet when all is said and done, you will come out a stronger person they you ever thought you'd be.

Robert Jordan is the author of The Wheel of Time Series, and I love this oath he wrote about defiance and death.
Till shade is gone, till water is gone,
into the Shadow with teeth bared,
screaming defiance with the last breath,
to spit in Sightblinder's eye on the last Day.
-Aiel Oath


Back to the hard ass part (I botched so badly last night) is the kindest people I know are the ones who life has knocked around a bit. They know all to well what its like to go hungry, not be able to pay the rent, bail a family member out of jail, take their child to the Dr. office on public transport. They are less judgmental and always have a shoulder to cry on.

I know somehow it will be okay...whatever happens. My mind gets panicked and ask me 'but how will I deal with this, and this, and this, and what will I do when this happens, etc' and thats when I really start spiraling downhill. If I can shut that off, then I'm okay. Thanks for sharing that verse. That is definitely how I am in adversity, I get pissed off and fight like hell. I'm just getting a little old for it, I feel. But maybe not, things are what they are. Thanks again for your kind words.

Hey when you start to panic do what I do and sing this song. It's my bridge over troubled water.

Always look on the bright side of life.

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

Background: This song is from Life of Brian and later from The Meaning of Life. From what I heard, they were filming the last scene of Life of Brian and were all bored and hot sitting up on their crucifixes. So Eric Idle started singing a little ditty. Everyone (but Eric) liked it so much that they decided to use it.

words and music by Eric Idle

It may be rough now, but it'll work out okay.

Hang in there, we're all here for you.

:hug: and more :hug:

and welcome to DU!

May it be the very glue that holds the universe together.

Please keep up your fine work. :hi:

where they say 'there is a light at the end of the tunnel' and it's not an oncoming train, lol

thanks :hi:

there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. You just can't see it yet! :hug: :hug: As somebody above already said to you, take it as it comes and eventually it'll be over. It is going to work out for you. :pals:

I'm really angry at myself right now for getting myself in this position. It's the end result of a mistake I made 6 years ago and this is what it's come to. I know it now, but then I didn't. Hindsight is 20/20 or whatever. How are you doing tonight?

eight months ago. Sitting around, imagining a miracle but wise enough at this point to know it isn't coming. I wish so badly there were something I could do to make you feel better. :hug:

and have the courage to go forward and walk through it is so inspiring. So you just did. :hug:

Whatever it is, it will certainly work out, because you clearly have the strength, wit, and intelligence to make it work...

are you sure you don't have me mixed up with someone else?

'Id-gea-hicket' doesn't sound like any other username - there's no way to get confused! :)

:hug:

Any set back is a message that there is something better for you in the world. You will find it.

You are the good person you hope that you are.

I keep trying to remember that joke about the kid that is in the room full of manure and he keeps digging because he says 'with all this crap in here there must be pony in here somewhere'. That cracks me up every time. :rofl:

:hug:

As we get older we often discover that things we perceive at the time to be the worst things to ever happen to us turn out retrospectively to be the best things that could have ever happened.

Each set back is an opportunity; a chance to pursue a new direction. Growth is sometimes painful. But pain should never diminish the value of what you have learned.

Man, I sound like an old fart.

that is so true, two things I have learned, that like you said, the worst thing sometimes is the best thing to happen, and another thing I am meditating on right now is that all that glitters is not gold. Totally unrelated conundrums here...I'm glad to hear that worst thing/best thing paradox because it's been proven true time and time again in my life

It's going to be okay, and it's all going to work out.

As an overly pessimistic person myself, it's always hard making myself believe it, but it's easier to think it could happen for other people! Really, though, I hope it does work out for you, whatever the situation is.

(Oh yeah- I also want to add that I enjoy reading your posts. There have been several times that after reading one of your posts, I have had that cool feeling, like I could have written the same post. Most recently, your description of dating in HypnoToad's thread cracked me up, because I have had the same kind of thoughts about it.)

I am a pessimist too, plus this time I do not believe I 'deserve' for it to work out, and that is part of what is hanging up my hopes. Just hearing it from others helps. :hug:

Glad to know there is another dating-hater out there. Who came up with that idea, anyway. I think job interviews are more fun and less intimidating that that.

:hug:

sorry I've been incommunicado, I've been battling the demons in my head and heart, probably get a spanking from you if you knew...thanks for the hug, here is one back for one of my favorite DU-ers

:hug:

here, lover, just more of the same :hug: only please promise me you'll stay true to your whole heart :loveya:

thanks. :loveya: back. It's finite, I know that. It will pass. :hug: to you, you are a true friend.

:pals:

me too, that's why I keep saying it to myself.

:rofl:

Everything always works out and everything will always be okay. Even when it is the end. Life is graceful, forgiving, and good. ;)

thanks floogeldy. that may be the longest post of yours I've ever read...and it was for me! :hug:

A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car. :P

Things'll get better. :hug:

and never did, lol, even before I met her.

thanks for the :hug: and here's one back for you :hug: :hi:

On that note, I'm in the mood to watch Fight Club now.

don't do that to your beautiful mind! Won't it give you bad dreams?

:scared:

It hurts me deep inside when they beat up the pretty boy's face... :(

Pretty much my favourite movie. (Tied with Mulholland Drive, haha.)

On a pretty boy related note, that's Jared Leto. You might dig his band (if you're not already familiar).

it hurts me to watch that movie...it just batters my psyche for some reason. I don't understand it. I have my theories about it, but they are offensive so I won't go into it, lol.

Thanks for that link, they aren't bad. I think he could use a little help in production, maybe, but overall pretty good and he's got balls to scream like that...it just needs something, though I don't know what...maybe some more guitar?

And it will all be ok.
:hug:

feeling a little better today. Just wanting to get on with stuff and find out what my fate is, you know? :hug:

whatever it is you're going through.

good vibes and well wishes from me. :hug: :hug:

a :hug: back to you!

Me too. The sun is still going to come up tomorrow, and everything is going to be okay.

somehow I will be. Maybe another day older and deeper in debt, but physically I am okay and alive.

Thanks, natural :hi: . :hug:

It's difficult, but... it's not impossible. You can do it.


You have a lot going for you:


You're intelligent. Very intelligent.

You have courage and insight; you've already been through the fire and you're stronger for it.

You have wisdom borne of experience.

You have friends who will stand by you no matter what. And even a few who are willing to take a few punches for you.


Stand back and look at yourself as if you were looking at your best friend; think of what she has been through: she is a genuinely good person who has had some really lousy luck in life and is struggling mightily to make it back to a happy, healthy, productive place. You would have compassion for that person, and be forgiving of her mistakes, right? So would we all, dear. Just remember to have as much compassion and be as forgiving of yourself as you would for her.

Be gentle with yourself, and lean on your friends.

You'll make it through.

those words mean alot to me. And I would say the same to you, any day of the week. Thanks for being such a good friend, and so insightful. :loveya: :hug:

..everything is going to be ok.

I've never seen them before, lol. Thanks! :loveya:

Don't forget to visit my most recent smilie thread, in case you need some, at: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x5830639 :hi:

We're overdue a lot of good days and we'll have them. And how much more joyful they'll be after these bad ones.

unfortunately all this stuff happening lately is gonna affect my life for a long time but it't just changes I have to deal with and adjust to. thanks for the kind words. :hi: