Men Are Just Happier People

I saw this on another board and thought you all might like it. It's probably made it's rounds on emails and elsewhere already but is still good.

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What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station
restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still
be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24
in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women
who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
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Oh wow, this is so true! I am so totally one of those 25 minute Christmas shoppers. Last year everyone got donations to charity in their name plus a bunch of foodstuff from Trader Joe's for all to share. This year they are all getting gift cards to socially responsible retailers plus more foodstuff.

Damn, it's so good to be male! Now maybe if I had a nice female in my world my life would be complete...or maybe that would be the end of my happiness! :silly:

And it is still funny!

There is considerable truth to it.........

Thanks! :rofl:

where men think they have it soooo bad.

it's nice to see a man who knows better. :-)

and have a deep appreciation for the things women have to deal with. Wow, just with Christmas shopping alone, it's interesting seeing women spend whole weekends shopping and guys like me just shake our heads and go watch football.

Your last name stays put. -- granted, but so do many women's nowadays

The garage is all yours. -- it is? Since when? All I see out there is my fiancee's car, which is nicer than mine, and therefore gets the garage

Wedding plans take care of themselves. -- Really? Cause I've had to find the band, deal with the florist come up with vows, write a poem for the "Save the Date" cards, and so on, and so on.

Chocolate is just another snack. -- Men cannot be held responsible for women's insistence that chocolate is more than just a snack

You can be President. -- Hey, according to the Constitution, so can women.

You can never be pregnant. -- I concede this one.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. -- So can you. You're gonna weara bikini under the T-shirt anyway.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park. -- True enough

Car mechanics tell you the truth. -- No, they don't. Mechanics know we're just as inept as women, even though we pretend otherwise.

The world is your urinal. -- Only if I'm either camping or disgusting

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. -- Like the chocolate, we can't be held at fault just because you find a restroom "icky."

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. -- You do?

Same work, more pay. -- Have to concede this one too. Sad but true.

Wrinkles add character. -- Depends how many you have.

Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100. -- Again, I must concede this one.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. -- Another concession, I must admit

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. -- Again, only if you're disgusting

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. -- Sure they do. Ever tried tramping through the wilderness in a brand new set of hiking boots?

One mood all the time. -- Um ... no.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. -- They could be for you too, if you wanted them to be.

You know stuff about tanks. -- No, I don't

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. -- No, it doesn't. Unless I'm going someplace with a laundry room.

You can open all your own jars. -- Aw, c'mon. So can you. You just pass jars off on us to make us feel good about ourselves

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. -- True. We are thoughtless bastards most of the time.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. -- Again, I can't see how this is our fault. If you want to cut somebody out of your life because they forgot to invite you somewhere, that's your damage, sister. :P

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. -- Yeah, if you want to wear tighty whities. I prefer boxers.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. -- No. We need sneakers, sandals (for warm climates), dress shoes (possibly black and brown), snow boots (for cold climates)

You almost never have strap problems in public. -- No, but we do have to "adjust" ourselves in public sometimes.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. -- Oh, I see them. I just don't care.

Everything on your face stays its original color. -- Um... it doesn't yours?

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. -- Untrue. Can you imagine having your hair from the 1970s today? I thought not.

You only have to shave your face and neck. -- Yes, but WE HAVE TO SHAVE OUR FACE AND NECK. If you nick yourself, you just put on pants. If we nick ourselves we have a red blot on our faces the rest of the day.

You can play with toys all your life. -- So can you. Try it. It's fun.

Your belly usually hides your big hips. -- Yeah... our massive, embarrassing beer bellies

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. -- Again, so untrue. See the previous point about shoes. I've give you the wallet one, though. Hell, I don't even have a wallet. Just a money clip.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. -- We can, but we shouldn't.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. -- *sigh* gotta concede this one too. Although, some male friends have told me manicures are great. I've yet to try them out, though.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. -- Are you saying you want a moustache?

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. -- Less, if I do it the way everyone does now. Online.

it was a joke

:rofl::rofl:

Thank you.

"Everything on your face stays its original color."

Not really, as guys who grow beards and mustaches discover. Add to that broken capillaries, basal cell carcinoma, etc. You get the idea...

"The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades."

Not true, as anyone who's taken the time to unearth the photos and slides from the '70s has discovered. What WERE we thinking????? Several members of my family almost wet their pants laughing at slides from a wedding in 1971.

"You only have to shave your face and neck."

One word: waxing.

they don't live as long?

to express our feelings of sadness/grief/etc.

Keeping those kinds of feelings bottled inside for several years will definitely reduce the lifespan.

Because they want to. Sigh.

so they can end their time with THE SPOUSE :P


i think meatloaf sang about it once--


something about the dashboard lights :shrug:

You can be 35 and single and nobody notices!

PLEASE

come late
stay early
and
post often

:hi:

:D

Welcome to DU.

Most of those are true. :D

I won't use public restrooms if they're plainly nasty, though. That's always been a phobia of mine!

I dare not comment.:rofl:

:hide: :evilgrin: